The Endgame Of 4th Quarter.

First off HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALL!! I know it has been a minute since I have blogged, well its due to a lot of things going been going on and changed. I mean everything since the month of November has pretty much been all types of shitty, from my relationship going from sugar to shit. To me losing the woman I loved more than life it self, even though I was mad deep and far beyond attached. I am trying not to go in to the details, but shit go thru the day I went thru to end the year. Anywhom I lost my job to end my year, which I am beyond pissed about. Since December 12th 2009 my life basically became torn to shit, like everything was beyond torn to shit. I lose the woman I loved, then I lose what piece of love that I assumed love me. Lost one the other person whom I thought was closer than all women I've dealt with, I mean shit I was thrown under the bus in many of ways. Did anyone care? No, Should anyone care? No...Do I want them to care? Yes/No, I feel like I've been shitted on in the worse way. 2009 was full of everything from high love to death. Recovery came, in the form of another woman. Ajene...I do want it to be known that I still love this woman as far everything else goes, and that is based off of the conversations we've both had. The pact we made, YES!! I violated in the worst way, I swore after I admitted it that we were on the road to redemption. Then it came crashing down and now has me shook beyond the core. Let it be known She does not even trust me anymore as if I've changed or something, it hurts to be mislead by 2 women within the same month or be used one minute then thrown out the next. I've really tryed and things had looked up in promising ever since Mary was called home, then this...
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I mean let's just say this, I want a lot of things or wanted a lot of things. Will I or have I gotten them? No, Will I get them? Fuck no! Also my skullcandy's are beyond broken. So what else could've possibly have gone wrong? I do not know and glad I did not know or find out. All I want is to not end up in the fucking Homeless shelter, which is more than likely the place I'll have to turn to before I get my own ever again. I'll be damned to head that road and trying my damnedest to avoid it, but fuck it you all have exactly what you all want. Enjoy it...bask in it...fuck in it...All I want is to lay within my bed and let it all go away from the time being. Then again my bed...I do not even want to talk about that, Only one person from my side of the fence knows of that. An that is ty, and her own bff so let's just leave it at that.
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I got the woman who threw it all away, her skullcandy's she wanted along with a hallmark card. With a heartfelt message, which went unacknowledged and probably thrown away. All of my questions were not answered, and probably never will so as of now I've thrown the towel in... I would love to say more and go on and on...about it but it would be pointless and considered bitching, So i'll just stick to what I've been doing and that's keeping quiet about everything. So b4 I end this blog finally for 2009 and hopefully be able to return to this blog eventually. I did a fill in the sentences for you all to read if there are any readers. That'll eventually be posted, outside of that I managed to spend bringing in the new year with Ty, Chicky wing and mommy everyone else. Despite Egan's similar end to his relationship that hit home with me, it was basically me and Ajene without the other person involved. Even though all is at an all times worse for me and yet I attempted to try and maintain I just hope it does not have to come down to me going to a homeless shelter,which is more than likely what'll it'll come to. Anyway I am done ranting for now, hopefully things will be better in 200nRay, Lol got to keep some what of a sense a humor. and for that someone who reads shit and it is not posted. You should fucking read what has not been posted that should've been posted.
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Why Me? Why Am I Overthinking Again, Women Have Betrayed Me In The Worst Way....
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...really...all I want is to love someone...and for them to love me back the same...fuck all these temporary relationships...random bitches...supposed "babys" and "boos"...rt...say what the fuck you want...I never care...I'm just so tired...I am...And she was the one who i thought loved me back