Care to read? Read with dare. I dare you. Infact, I care for you to care about me. Just be careful with what you read...Also read with open ears & heart.

I know it is always something that makes me return to this blog, even if I dont have a reason to. I just would like to keep this avenue somewhat open for me to express what bothers me. Though times have changed me and made me very self contained from my own blog, Yes the same blog that I ran to to chronicle what bothered me. I've treated this blog as a shoulder to cry on, something to uplift myself from a self induced slump. Fuck...on occasion even give myself a e-dap on some sort of silent conquest.


That was random.

But to business shall we?

So my girlfriend decided to stay with me, for what reason? Hell if I know, I assume she loves. Again like in previous relationships, a lot of the things I do manage to convey gets a little misinterpreted. For I do not get pissed when I hear her mention "I told you so.", I only get pissed when I constantly hear it with little to no reassurance that everything will be ok or get better. I tried to convey this, also its said that all I do is complain. Which could be true, but when you feel as if your life is falling apart and your spiraling uncontrollably into the ground. How else are you to feel? even when you used keep your calm?

Then I made a decision to not open my mouth again, Atleast for now. I know that it is very detrimental to our relationship, but what else am I to do? I'm out of ideas, Not that I ever really had one. I can atleast admit that, Then I'm winging it right now. Hoping that this little vacay to VA will be somewhat promising and I can atleast come back more happier than I am, its not due to my girlfriend. More so to all the decisions I've made over the course of this year, Though I will say my girlfriend is one of the best things to have happened to me this year. Outside of making a few sneaker connects, but more so the friendship I've made with those Ive encountered.

Its not like I have not been mad at the world, just for the fact I've lost control. No longer feel as if I have a handle on things, well..atleast things I can control. I've made a slew of fucked up decisions, but who doesnt right? anywho, I've became at point of standstill that I choose not to say anything. Which I stated earlier, my communication has not really shutdown. I just choose to shut the hell up for our sake, since I feel everything I said was portrayed as me complaining. So I reverted back to my 2nd best way of communication, personally my best way of communication. My words through my blog, since I am pretty sure this will be taken out of context (Though it should not.) I just want to state I'm still in love with you, as if it was day 1. I just wonder if you feel the same way...since its gradually changing. atleast in my eyes....