For a while now, we all know I've been very inconsistent at blogging. Usually I am found over @TheSingleTrio (TheSingleTrio.WordPress.com), I have not been anywhere to be found again. I met a few great people I love to keep around in my life, I've lost a few less likely known sources. What did I do? Just shrugged my shoulders and moved along, as if it did not hurt me one bit. In honesty it all hurts, That's just me being completely honest. Also I feel like I'm losing my love for blogging, Then again I just have not had the time to do so. Have I made time like I used to? No, not one bit. Why? Hell I just have had a lot of material, Just not the motivation to go forth with it.
I've been out here in these E-streets, making sure I've been ok. Just to see the next day, having a few daily dealings with women. Ranting on twitter about my typical fuckery, just pretty much being heard from and not seen. Because typically when I'm feeling introvert, I do as I've always said. Which is go to my godparents, which I have not been doing as consistent as I'd love to. I've just been to my team, No other explanation as to why. I just been enjoying their company and being in the presence of those I know who'll have my back forever. To the very few I jig with outside of that, I'll get to you all further. Give you more of me personally, just right now...At this very moment, I just see myself doing that at a pace slower than that of turtle piss. I could sit here and probably give you a pyscho analysis about it, just I do not feel comfy doing so. That's just how I feel, I would love to give more words as to why. I cant search any deeper to form sentences...So with that being said bare my soul on the table, Dont spend it all in one place. Just a thought for you...K
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Why I'm on the sidelines.
I know it has been a while again, with me not showing my face around these parts. Its been alot, I have a bunch of posts I didnt finish between here & TheSingleTrio But I'm getting back to my usual. Just have to change up my posting schedule, So here we gooooo.
I’m a deadass fan of being honest with myself. I often find myself in fucked up predicaments, having weird thoughts, and details that would get me judged as minor by anyone who stood on the outside of my circle of thoughts, while looking in.
Fuck, they’d probably get judged by folk on the inside circle of my crazy thoughts. All that I have to say I spend a lot of time to myself analyzing these things I do, and the motives behind them for why I do them.
Well…it’s not that funny if you are the person who got ragged, but I digress. The rag is usually reserved for folk who tell everyone how wonderful they are, how they can do this, how great their fucking is, blah blah.
In general, when people talk about why they are single, they are always pointing outward to others. The opposite sex is completely loco, there aren’t enough eligible people, and literally, everything under the sun I can fucking think of.
What I DON’T find is those people taking a realistic claim to one's own faults, flaws, habits, and things people may or may not find appealing about them. So I being absent from my own blog, decided to do something different.
here is a list of all the reasons why I’m single. I’m writing in hope that my honesty will allow you to be honest with yourself, something can be learned. This will no doubt appease Lynette who say I think too highly of myself and as if nothing is wrong with me.
Not that there is anything wrong with me…because I’m dope sauce. But, whatever.
I’M SELFISH
*shrugs* She’s right.
I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. I don’t even ATTEMPT to pretend this isn’t the case.
Asshole to the bitter end.
I’M EMOTIONALLY OUT OF IT
I don’t get upset very often. Nothing moves me anymore. You would think by some of the things I write I’m pissed off 24 hours a day/7 days a week.
I’m really not though.
I’m alil too nonchalant for my good. I’m of the mind that most women (People in general.) come and go as frequently as the season changes. No sense in getting pissed over the inevitable and the inevitable is that most relationships don’t ever last. Women have a far better chance ending up as my ex-girlfriend than my wife, pretty much check my track record.
I understand that this isn’t a good thing…but I’m fucking single. I don’t really care what happens with some women and their emotions…just leave me out of that shit.
I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING
Let me explain the list of things I care about.
Video games.
Sleep.
Myself.
My family.
sneakers/fashion.
This blog (on some days, that’s a not a must)
That’s it.
And I’m good JUST the way I am.
I’m a deadass fan of being honest with myself. I often find myself in fucked up predicaments, having weird thoughts, and details that would get me judged as minor by anyone who stood on the outside of my circle of thoughts, while looking in.
Fuck, they’d probably get judged by folk on the inside circle of my crazy thoughts. All that I have to say I spend a lot of time to myself analyzing these things I do, and the motives behind them for why I do them.
Well…it’s not that funny if you are the person who got ragged, but I digress. The rag is usually reserved for folk who tell everyone how wonderful they are, how they can do this, how great their fucking is, blah blah.
In general, when people talk about why they are single, they are always pointing outward to others. The opposite sex is completely loco, there aren’t enough eligible people, and literally, everything under the sun I can fucking think of.
What I DON’T find is those people taking a realistic claim to one's own faults, flaws, habits, and things people may or may not find appealing about them. So I being absent from my own blog, decided to do something different.
here is a list of all the reasons why I’m single. I’m writing in hope that my honesty will allow you to be honest with yourself, something can be learned. This will no doubt appease Lynette who say I think too highly of myself and as if nothing is wrong with me.
Not that there is anything wrong with me…because I’m dope sauce. But, whatever.
I’M SELFISH
*shrugs* She’s right.
I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. I don’t even ATTEMPT to pretend this isn’t the case.
Asshole to the bitter end.
I’M EMOTIONALLY OUT OF IT
I don’t get upset very often. Nothing moves me anymore. You would think by some of the things I write I’m pissed off 24 hours a day/7 days a week.
I’m really not though.
I’m alil too nonchalant for my good. I’m of the mind that most women (People in general.) come and go as frequently as the season changes. No sense in getting pissed over the inevitable and the inevitable is that most relationships don’t ever last. Women have a far better chance ending up as my ex-girlfriend than my wife, pretty much check my track record.
I understand that this isn’t a good thing…but I’m fucking single. I don’t really care what happens with some women and their emotions…just leave me out of that shit.
I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING
Let me explain the list of things I care about.
Video games.
Sleep.
Myself.
My family.
sneakers/fashion.
This blog (on some days, that’s a not a must)
That’s it.
And I’m good JUST the way I am.
Friday, September 16, 2011
I Was Lost
As I kicked back with simple thoughts of why I have not been blogging, I had the sharp idea of being honest with lead me to post "In My Absence" over at "TheSingleTrio" sadly enough. Which was a great thing, I will not take anything away from that. Not in the least I couldn't pull myself to do it, I just have had this empty feeling after leaving my heart on the table for my readers (If there are any left out there.). Along with the fact my now admitted blogging Mentee or Student as some would say, called me out on the "To Hell Wit' It Friday's (Chocolate Addiction Edition). I'll admit it always takes for her to say something slick or something that sparks in my mind. Which typically always leads to a blog post, Just I have not been around enough or long enough to blog as rapidly as I used to. Though each and everytime I do blog I try to take a new approach to my posts, rather it be here or TheSingleTrio. I attempt at trying to speak about something utterly thought provoking from a conversation, or a tweet I've seen or twitter conversation. Just I would simply not have enough time to sit and squeeze out everywhere thought I had, or considered "Thought provoking" which would ultimatley run dry for blogging material. Since I try not to incorporate everything or everyone into my work of art, That I label as blogging.
For example, there are countless thought's one have while enjoying a movie. Even a simple case of "Family" watching, Just like I'm going to side step at this very moment to say what I am about to at this very moment. I really do enjoy blogging, rather it is for this site of my own or it be TheSingleTrio. I never had any intention of gaining any notoriety from doing this, let alone any readers. When I first began, I started it on Myspace (Like many others before me) Which was just a simple avenue for getting a little anger off of my chest. For those times when I felt lonely, or I had no one I could vent to outside of my godparents when it came to feeling as if no one would understand me. Which happened very often during the tail end of my teen years, lame? Probably depending on whom you are reading this. To myself? Not lame in the least bit, for I am probably 1 of millions who feel/felt such a way throughout the teen years..Let alone years into Adulthood.
Now please do not be upset with me for I am probably going to go further off into my own past, but this is what blogging is about right? especially for those who like to be open with their readers correct?
To backtrack to my original point I was hoping to convey before I sidetracked on you all, outside of using blogging as a avenue to vent. I was hoping someone out there would read it, given I've said plenty of times in my blogs. I do this to let someone know that if they may be feeling their could be hell or worse. This is a possible way to let that one person know from the bottom of my heart everytime, that I am one who could relate or be showing you my life through theater eyes that your life may be worse or as equal as my own. Yet I asked myself, how could i say such a thing when I do not speak of everything I go through on a daily basis? Simple, some people may not care to relive the events of the day that followed. May go as far to say may not even rememeber the events of that day in total. Hell to be a little more honest, I really do not even get the chance to speak about every thought that passes throughout my mind with much of anyone on a day-to-day basis. I'd love to lord knows I would, just at times I am more worried about those around me in place of my own sanity. Which is how I typically am as a person, given a select "Ex" said it'd be my downfall. In which case could be true, not because she said it. Just as a Pisces its a typical "+" and "-" of being born of the Pisces Zodiac I would assume, I'm just not about to get all "Ms. Cleo" on you since I do not have my headwrap or my tarrot cards lol.
Anywhom to further this while I have the time to, I also blog/blogged to get those around me to read. Also hopefully leave comments, in which case I see I may have been barking up the wrong tree. Also blog to have more to connect with them about, make for more conversational subjects. "Table talk" if you will, In which case again I feel like I could've possibly barked up the wrong tree. Which all in all is just a minor setback I assume bloggers go through, while being "Open" so I do not really take it personal like I once did. I like deadass had taken it very personal, I let it influence how I dealt with people outside of my family...Even some of the people in my family I seen on a everyday basis.
Funny thing overall though, I was part of the reason a lot of those around me had gotten a blog (It sounds mighty arrogant of me to say that, though It is true depending on who you ask or associate my name with when it comes to blogging.), just like myself and my sister Fe had all confined in a 5 subject notebook we called "Yellow 6". So it was more so like a real life diary/Journal where we'd spill our innermost thoughts and have corresponding entries, rater it was both from the same day, or 2 different subjects. Which was dope, I still wish we had those notebooks for nostolgic purposes. It was some how lost years ago, but moving forward. I was the reason Ty, Britt, Ajene, "Boogie" (Jessica) had all gotten blogs..Oh yeah also Egan, which was all cool. It garnered a closer bond between us all, reason we had more to talk about once that "awkward silence" was approaching or could be happening. Now no one blogs, well the majority of those I named, I'm not sure if Britt still uses her blog, but for most definitely I know everyone else does not use theirs.
I still use mines, as you all see damn near 500 some odd posts later I still having something to talk about. I've shared my break-ups, My ups & downs, My low points, My borderline sucidal points. my everything, especially the loss of my great aunt Mary. That point was a very...very low one in my life, given I was still mourning her loss while mad at the world she was called home. Not too mention as her birthday came around in 2010, I was enduring the post break up syndrome. Then my other Family had lost their great grandmother, which hit home as if it was losing Mary to me all over again. So I tried to remain strong for them while battling my own demons, which they did help me deal with. Outside of the random trysts, rebound chick, and drinking and pain I seriously lost track of time throughout that part of my life. Which I'm pretty sure its well documented through this blog.
Now that I've made it some 5-6years blogging, I came to the realiztion that I've grown also matured a lot. Especially after reflection of my past blogs, which let me say this is that you can also read it all from beginning to end. I managed to have had the bright idea to post ALL of my blogs, including the one's from my Myspace page up until my most recent. Just like the only blogs you probably will not see posted on my site would be the blogs I constructed over at SvB (Shirts Vs Blousses), that I was part of through my now ex gf's friend Omitra. Which was a great blogging experience for me, seeing it was the first blogging trio I was apart of that I did not have the proper chance of havuing some chemistry with outside of blogging. Along with the fact I actually based the whole "Group blogging" aspect off of one of my favorite trio blogs, ThreeWaysToTakeIt.com Which is now put to rest. So I was not really let down when I found myself randomly removed from that trio over at SvB because I was no longer fucking her bestfriend, Which was my captivated me to move along. In hopes of a new blog home with a new crew, Just didnt know where to start or who to start with. So in closing as far as that went, the other blog's you will not see outside of SvB are my blog's on my Facebook account. Unless your my FB friend you will not be seeing them, Unless I decide to share it as a "Throwback Post" over at TheSingleTrio.
Which brought up my newest brainchild, I was working on back in Oct-Nov of 2010. Which was the early stages of "TheSingleTrio", which was originally titled "TheSingleDuo" that would've consisted of my good friend Lauren & myself. I've always been a fan of her work, she's less conventional also waaayy less traditional when it comes to blogging. Its the raw emoition that she exuded out of work that made me want to join up with her, to have a blog where we could have a "call and response" sort of blog. Later in like Dec of 2010, we added my blogging protege' Alicia who had a blog of her own at the time just for her poetry. Along with a few notes of her own on FB, which made me kind of shove her into blogging. Not knowing she was a adamant reader of my blog, Which was surprising I didnt think she cared for blogs like she did. Just recently she actually called me her "Blogging Mentor", it initially threw me for a loop. Then after sitting and thinking on it through out the day, I actually smiled from ear to ear. Knowingly someone held me in such a high honor was an honor of its own right, I cannot thank her enough for holding me in such a regard when I feel completely underserving of it.
I just wanted to cover a few of the things that were on my mind as I sit here blogged this out for a few hours, probably would've been a shorter time depsite the track changes I made. Also I got caught up in watching "The Bad Girls Club" lmao yes, fuck your life if your laughing with me, not at me but with me. I tend to watch some of the shit that pops off on there. Also some of the chicks are sexy, not as sexy as Catya...But deadass not close..but normally fuckable nah mean my g?
Other than that if you made it this far in my reading, Salute! I applaud you for rocking with me, also by the way Teal Lazy I know your gonna read this at your free time. Keep up the good work G, Your going places with yoru music. An I'll always be here by the side to make sure you succeed. ~ Signed: Brother from another...
For example, there are countless thought's one have while enjoying a movie. Even a simple case of "Family" watching, Just like I'm going to side step at this very moment to say what I am about to at this very moment. I really do enjoy blogging, rather it is for this site of my own or it be TheSingleTrio. I never had any intention of gaining any notoriety from doing this, let alone any readers. When I first began, I started it on Myspace (Like many others before me) Which was just a simple avenue for getting a little anger off of my chest. For those times when I felt lonely, or I had no one I could vent to outside of my godparents when it came to feeling as if no one would understand me. Which happened very often during the tail end of my teen years, lame? Probably depending on whom you are reading this. To myself? Not lame in the least bit, for I am probably 1 of millions who feel/felt such a way throughout the teen years..Let alone years into Adulthood.
Now please do not be upset with me for I am probably going to go further off into my own past, but this is what blogging is about right? especially for those who like to be open with their readers correct?
To backtrack to my original point I was hoping to convey before I sidetracked on you all, outside of using blogging as a avenue to vent. I was hoping someone out there would read it, given I've said plenty of times in my blogs. I do this to let someone know that if they may be feeling their could be hell or worse. This is a possible way to let that one person know from the bottom of my heart everytime, that I am one who could relate or be showing you my life through theater eyes that your life may be worse or as equal as my own. Yet I asked myself, how could i say such a thing when I do not speak of everything I go through on a daily basis? Simple, some people may not care to relive the events of the day that followed. May go as far to say may not even rememeber the events of that day in total. Hell to be a little more honest, I really do not even get the chance to speak about every thought that passes throughout my mind with much of anyone on a day-to-day basis. I'd love to lord knows I would, just at times I am more worried about those around me in place of my own sanity. Which is how I typically am as a person, given a select "Ex" said it'd be my downfall. In which case could be true, not because she said it. Just as a Pisces its a typical "+" and "-" of being born of the Pisces Zodiac I would assume, I'm just not about to get all "Ms. Cleo" on you since I do not have my headwrap or my tarrot cards lol.
Anywhom to further this while I have the time to, I also blog/blogged to get those around me to read. Also hopefully leave comments, in which case I see I may have been barking up the wrong tree. Also blog to have more to connect with them about, make for more conversational subjects. "Table talk" if you will, In which case again I feel like I could've possibly barked up the wrong tree. Which all in all is just a minor setback I assume bloggers go through, while being "Open" so I do not really take it personal like I once did. I like deadass had taken it very personal, I let it influence how I dealt with people outside of my family...Even some of the people in my family I seen on a everyday basis.
Funny thing overall though, I was part of the reason a lot of those around me had gotten a blog (It sounds mighty arrogant of me to say that, though It is true depending on who you ask or associate my name with when it comes to blogging.), just like myself and my sister Fe had all confined in a 5 subject notebook we called "Yellow 6". So it was more so like a real life diary/Journal where we'd spill our innermost thoughts and have corresponding entries, rater it was both from the same day, or 2 different subjects. Which was dope, I still wish we had those notebooks for nostolgic purposes. It was some how lost years ago, but moving forward. I was the reason Ty, Britt, Ajene, "Boogie" (Jessica) had all gotten blogs..Oh yeah also Egan, which was all cool. It garnered a closer bond between us all, reason we had more to talk about once that "awkward silence" was approaching or could be happening. Now no one blogs, well the majority of those I named, I'm not sure if Britt still uses her blog, but for most definitely I know everyone else does not use theirs.
I still use mines, as you all see damn near 500 some odd posts later I still having something to talk about. I've shared my break-ups, My ups & downs, My low points, My borderline sucidal points. my everything, especially the loss of my great aunt Mary. That point was a very...very low one in my life, given I was still mourning her loss while mad at the world she was called home. Not too mention as her birthday came around in 2010, I was enduring the post break up syndrome. Then my other Family had lost their great grandmother, which hit home as if it was losing Mary to me all over again. So I tried to remain strong for them while battling my own demons, which they did help me deal with. Outside of the random trysts, rebound chick, and drinking and pain I seriously lost track of time throughout that part of my life. Which I'm pretty sure its well documented through this blog.
Now that I've made it some 5-6years blogging, I came to the realiztion that I've grown also matured a lot. Especially after reflection of my past blogs, which let me say this is that you can also read it all from beginning to end. I managed to have had the bright idea to post ALL of my blogs, including the one's from my Myspace page up until my most recent. Just like the only blogs you probably will not see posted on my site would be the blogs I constructed over at SvB (Shirts Vs Blousses), that I was part of through my now ex gf's friend Omitra. Which was a great blogging experience for me, seeing it was the first blogging trio I was apart of that I did not have the proper chance of havuing some chemistry with outside of blogging. Along with the fact I actually based the whole "Group blogging" aspect off of one of my favorite trio blogs, ThreeWaysToTakeIt.com Which is now put to rest. So I was not really let down when I found myself randomly removed from that trio over at SvB because I was no longer fucking her bestfriend, Which was my captivated me to move along. In hopes of a new blog home with a new crew, Just didnt know where to start or who to start with. So in closing as far as that went, the other blog's you will not see outside of SvB are my blog's on my Facebook account. Unless your my FB friend you will not be seeing them, Unless I decide to share it as a "Throwback Post" over at TheSingleTrio.
Which brought up my newest brainchild, I was working on back in Oct-Nov of 2010. Which was the early stages of "TheSingleTrio", which was originally titled "TheSingleDuo" that would've consisted of my good friend Lauren & myself. I've always been a fan of her work, she's less conventional also waaayy less traditional when it comes to blogging. Its the raw emoition that she exuded out of work that made me want to join up with her, to have a blog where we could have a "call and response" sort of blog. Later in like Dec of 2010, we added my blogging protege' Alicia who had a blog of her own at the time just for her poetry. Along with a few notes of her own on FB, which made me kind of shove her into blogging. Not knowing she was a adamant reader of my blog, Which was surprising I didnt think she cared for blogs like she did. Just recently she actually called me her "Blogging Mentor", it initially threw me for a loop. Then after sitting and thinking on it through out the day, I actually smiled from ear to ear. Knowingly someone held me in such a high honor was an honor of its own right, I cannot thank her enough for holding me in such a regard when I feel completely underserving of it.
I just wanted to cover a few of the things that were on my mind as I sit here blogged this out for a few hours, probably would've been a shorter time depsite the track changes I made. Also I got caught up in watching "The Bad Girls Club" lmao yes, fuck your life if your laughing with me, not at me but with me. I tend to watch some of the shit that pops off on there. Also some of the chicks are sexy, not as sexy as Catya...But deadass not close..but normally fuckable nah mean my g?
Other than that if you made it this far in my reading, Salute! I applaud you for rocking with me, also by the way Teal Lazy I know your gonna read this at your free time. Keep up the good work G, Your going places with yoru music. An I'll always be here by the side to make sure you succeed. ~ Signed: Brother from another...
Monday, August 22, 2011
So I returned with one more defining blog.
To My Unborn Daughter:
As I look around this blasted world and I can honestly say... fear for you my beautiful girl. It’s such a cruel place, it’s very unforgiving, also people seem so oblivious to how backwards we’ve been over the last decade. Though I believe you will be fine regardless of whatever is put in your way. Not because I’m an optimist (I’m a realist from time to time, borderline pessimist often), because I know where...more so who's loins you came from. Your full of people who will or have worked their asses off to make sure you WILL have all these tools to succeed in your life. I don’t know what hell you will do with those tools, but I assume you will use them to your advantage and make the most of all your opportunities. For if you do not, I'll still love you just for whom you are my beauty.
When you get to know me, I’m a man of my word, and I make sure that if I say I’m going to do something that it gets done. So I’ll only make one promise to you as my daughter: to do whatever Daddy has to do to make sure you excel. Even if that means playing the "bad cop" to your mother’s "good cop" and having you hating my guts, then fuck you... so be it, my daughter will be the best. Losing sleep, if I gain weight. If I start balding earlier than I should, we may have to reconsider this agreement, and ship you off to boarding school.
The other thing you will learn when you get older is that I’m pretty good at giving advice, and if I know you like I think I do, so understand I will give all your boyfriends hell, Fuck them for they will not mistreat my little queen. The male sex is quite rude, plotting. I know these things, Why you may ask? because...You should ask your mother. She's better at explaining that than I could for your little ears baby.
All men will disappoint you at one time or another, including myself.
I want you to know this up front, because some women do go through life thinking that the perfect man is out there. He doesn’t exist, my lil momma. I can tell you that there is a guy out there who'll love you like you deserve, and protect you from hurt, And even that man will disappoint you somewhere along the line because we are not perfect. Just work with him to make him the best that he can be. But remember rule no. 1.
I just wanted to share wisdom so that you will have a good foundation for what we called “The Life”. I don’t know what you all will call it, I can’t wait to meet you, and I hope that we will be able to talk about these and other topics one day soon. I love you.
- Daddy Domingo
As I look around this blasted world and I can honestly say... fear for you my beautiful girl. It’s such a cruel place, it’s very unforgiving, also people seem so oblivious to how backwards we’ve been over the last decade. Though I believe you will be fine regardless of whatever is put in your way. Not because I’m an optimist (I’m a realist from time to time, borderline pessimist often), because I know where...more so who's loins you came from. Your full of people who will or have worked their asses off to make sure you WILL have all these tools to succeed in your life. I don’t know what hell you will do with those tools, but I assume you will use them to your advantage and make the most of all your opportunities. For if you do not, I'll still love you just for whom you are my beauty.
When you get to know me, I’m a man of my word, and I make sure that if I say I’m going to do something that it gets done. So I’ll only make one promise to you as my daughter: to do whatever Daddy has to do to make sure you excel. Even if that means playing the "bad cop" to your mother’s "good cop" and having you hating my guts, then fuck you... so be it, my daughter will be the best. Losing sleep, if I gain weight. If I start balding earlier than I should, we may have to reconsider this agreement, and ship you off to boarding school.
The other thing you will learn when you get older is that I’m pretty good at giving advice, and if I know you like I think I do, so understand I will give all your boyfriends hell, Fuck them for they will not mistreat my little queen. The male sex is quite rude, plotting. I know these things, Why you may ask? because...You should ask your mother. She's better at explaining that than I could for your little ears baby.
All men will disappoint you at one time or another, including myself.
I want you to know this up front, because some women do go through life thinking that the perfect man is out there. He doesn’t exist, my lil momma. I can tell you that there is a guy out there who'll love you like you deserve, and protect you from hurt, And even that man will disappoint you somewhere along the line because we are not perfect. Just work with him to make him the best that he can be. But remember rule no. 1.
I just wanted to share wisdom so that you will have a good foundation for what we called “The Life”. I don’t know what you all will call it, I can’t wait to meet you, and I hope that we will be able to talk about these and other topics one day soon. I love you.
- Daddy Domingo
So I've been around.
one of my favorite songs at the moment, Since I've been on a bloggin' roll as of lately. I decided to actually come back to "The House Of Ray." See how everything is. Dust off somethings in this house, summer is wrapping up. It was fun while it lasted, one of the best....I just have yet to go to Olive Garden for the Never ending pasta bowl. Outside of that its been a lil over a year since I've torn my achilles, glad I rebounded from it. I dont personally feel I've fully rebounded in whice case they say people do not, but I still am adjusting to this whole heel hurting every morning I wake up.
That's here nor there, I deadass wanna hit Olive Garden also Loco's...Well I know my blogs are typically longer than this. Just not today..I've blogged myself out in the span of one day...So catch me at my other sites for longer updates please? Hope you all still love me or have some sentiment towards me still.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
To you younger Rick
Dear Manz (Mah-Manz, Lil Rick, Roderic)
I just want to tell you lil papi, everything is going to be fine. I promise, so just hear me out.
You’ll go through storms, but you’ll come through scraped, even a little scarred yo. You will face alot storms yo, but you will stay strong and stay ground. You’ll also come to various roads, that you will choose to go down the wrong one, because you are quite inquisitive, though you will find your way back to the right one, whichever path it may be.
In regards to love, You’ll know love (Also the name of your godmother whom you love dearly, as well as your godfather) and you’ll give love in return. Your heart will be defeated, but you won’t be broken. There will come about 2 times when you want to stay in the dark, lost in the dark, but you will have friends/Familia who’ll help be a light to lead you out of darkness. You’re going to cry a river into your pillow like a lil girl, but by the grace of God you’ll see a well lit path and the tears will cease to drown you in sorrow. Do not...do not be frightened by those revelations, these are valuable lessons learned that will prepare you for the next time, because there will be a next time little man. Lies and deceit will not taint your belief that there are people out there deserving of love and willing to love in return. Love isn’t always painful As I think it is now at 24, it shouldn’t be, and you will grow up knowing that. Be fair in love always, don’t expect to get what you aren’t willing to give.
You will have friendships that don’t make it and some that do. You will always try to save your friends from mistakes and pain, but you’ll realize that sometimes you have to abandon ship before you’re taken under. Some people just can’t be saved. You aren’t their captain. You’re the master of your own ship. So you have to do you! Some friends will be broken and unfixable without all the parts being there. You can’t always be the glue. You’ll also realize some people don’t deserve the title “friend”, but you’ll know which ones do. The ones who take your criticism and brutal honesty, get upset at you for a day and then hug you and thank you for being truthful when they weren’t ready to hear it, those are friends. The ones who aren’t afraid to return the honesty and criticism, the ones who don’t just want you to say “YES!” those are the one’s who are worthy of the title “friend”.
At 18 years old, you will catch your first case ever. Also Sha will break up with you, It’ll hurt like hell to lose her, but that will be a defining moment in your young life. You’ll realize your strength and know you are self-reliant. You won’t have friends to talk to about your pain with, because they’ll be too immature to handle it. It will hurt, but you’ll let them know how you feel and let them go. You will always stand up for yourself and those who are not able and are too afraid to stand up for themselves. You won’t mind being a scapegoat. You will always hunger for more and thirst for knowledge, the need will not subside until you’ve been fed.
You’ll realize no matter how bad you think things are, someone out there’s got it worse, so you’ll pray for them instead. That’s the man you will become.
All my love,
Older Roderic...Known As Domingo.
I just want to tell you lil papi, everything is going to be fine. I promise, so just hear me out.
You’ll go through storms, but you’ll come through scraped, even a little scarred yo. You will face alot storms yo, but you will stay strong and stay ground. You’ll also come to various roads, that you will choose to go down the wrong one, because you are quite inquisitive, though you will find your way back to the right one, whichever path it may be.
In regards to love, You’ll know love (Also the name of your godmother whom you love dearly, as well as your godfather) and you’ll give love in return. Your heart will be defeated, but you won’t be broken. There will come about 2 times when you want to stay in the dark, lost in the dark, but you will have friends/Familia who’ll help be a light to lead you out of darkness. You’re going to cry a river into your pillow like a lil girl, but by the grace of God you’ll see a well lit path and the tears will cease to drown you in sorrow. Do not...do not be frightened by those revelations, these are valuable lessons learned that will prepare you for the next time, because there will be a next time little man. Lies and deceit will not taint your belief that there are people out there deserving of love and willing to love in return. Love isn’t always painful As I think it is now at 24, it shouldn’t be, and you will grow up knowing that. Be fair in love always, don’t expect to get what you aren’t willing to give.
You will have friendships that don’t make it and some that do. You will always try to save your friends from mistakes and pain, but you’ll realize that sometimes you have to abandon ship before you’re taken under. Some people just can’t be saved. You aren’t their captain. You’re the master of your own ship. So you have to do you! Some friends will be broken and unfixable without all the parts being there. You can’t always be the glue. You’ll also realize some people don’t deserve the title “friend”, but you’ll know which ones do. The ones who take your criticism and brutal honesty, get upset at you for a day and then hug you and thank you for being truthful when they weren’t ready to hear it, those are friends. The ones who aren’t afraid to return the honesty and criticism, the ones who don’t just want you to say “YES!” those are the one’s who are worthy of the title “friend”.
At 18 years old, you will catch your first case ever. Also Sha will break up with you, It’ll hurt like hell to lose her, but that will be a defining moment in your young life. You’ll realize your strength and know you are self-reliant. You won’t have friends to talk to about your pain with, because they’ll be too immature to handle it. It will hurt, but you’ll let them know how you feel and let them go. You will always stand up for yourself and those who are not able and are too afraid to stand up for themselves. You won’t mind being a scapegoat. You will always hunger for more and thirst for knowledge, the need will not subside until you’ve been fed.
You’ll realize no matter how bad you think things are, someone out there’s got it worse, so you’ll pray for them instead. That’s the man you will become.
All my love,
Older Roderic...Known As Domingo.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
To Whom it may concern, Letters from ShinJuku.
It is very important for me to express to you how much you really meant to me. I honestly wish I could've did these things in person while holding you in my embrace and running my fingers through your hair. Since we have been physically separated by miles of emptiness, this form of expression must come in the form of a series of blogs such as this.
To whom it may concern knowingly you know this is for you, I know it is far difficult for you, as it is not for me, to be separated for so long, then again I'm used to it. Life is always full of trials of this type which is set to test our inner strength, also more importantly, our devotion and loyalty & love for one another. After all, it's said that this "True Love" bullshit is boundless and immeasurable and tends to overcomes all forms of adversity. In reality, if it is genuine (which case it is proven not. Even after this so called friendship you swindled me into believing.), it will grow stronger with each assault upon its existence. I cherish any thought of you, along any memory of you/us that rose from the depths of my mind, and live for the day when our physical separation will no longer be. Which will seem like never, and I'm starting to become just fine with that. Since I let my animosity subside for you, just to have it come rushing back to the things you said and asked of me.
Until that moment arrives, I send to you across the miles, my tender love, my warm embrace, and my most passionate kiss. One last time, in the most friendliest angriest way possible....For the record, I should've listened. Though me feeling like no one else dealt in our ways but us make this by far worse, and even greater gain for you right?
To whom it may concern knowingly you know this is for you, I know it is far difficult for you, as it is not for me, to be separated for so long, then again I'm used to it. Life is always full of trials of this type which is set to test our inner strength, also more importantly, our devotion and loyalty & love for one another. After all, it's said that this "True Love" bullshit is boundless and immeasurable and tends to overcomes all forms of adversity. In reality, if it is genuine (which case it is proven not. Even after this so called friendship you swindled me into believing.), it will grow stronger with each assault upon its existence. I cherish any thought of you, along any memory of you/us that rose from the depths of my mind, and live for the day when our physical separation will no longer be. Which will seem like never, and I'm starting to become just fine with that. Since I let my animosity subside for you, just to have it come rushing back to the things you said and asked of me.
Until that moment arrives, I send to you across the miles, my tender love, my warm embrace, and my most passionate kiss. One last time, in the most friendliest angriest way possible....For the record, I should've listened. Though me feeling like no one else dealt in our ways but us make this by far worse, and even greater gain for you right?
Saturday, June 18, 2011
So again...
I've been lost from the blog, like where have I been? Honestly, just away from blogging. We all know it is one of my first loves, I am utterly dedicated to just I've been lost in a bunch of thoughts. Situations and running...from someone, though it hurts.
At this rate, from my experience. Growing up means hitting rock bottom and realizing that after a heartfelt apology from one you are still in love with. Shows the universe is not interested in your own existence. This realization shows I somewhat have a good head on my shoulders and some what of a kind heart, will make me want to draw the world that is cold closer to me and embrace it. Though life in general is a unfaithful lover who I try to be nice to, so she does know that the trust I put into should be given back.
I contemplate these words again and you ask yourself if it is what you really want to do, I have no problem risking everything & everybody. Do you think you could do the same? I concluded that I do because as much as the experience of being brought down to my knees again by a woman is very profound and life changing. Trust me I hope someone understands, I dont want to be excruciatingly lonely. I trust that I share this with the rest of us world people. Now you know, why I havent really been blogging. Or more so just vacationing alil longer...See me at my other blog I am apart of... @ thesingletrio.wordpress.com
At this rate, from my experience. Growing up means hitting rock bottom and realizing that after a heartfelt apology from one you are still in love with. Shows the universe is not interested in your own existence. This realization shows I somewhat have a good head on my shoulders and some what of a kind heart, will make me want to draw the world that is cold closer to me and embrace it. Though life in general is a unfaithful lover who I try to be nice to, so she does know that the trust I put into should be given back.
I contemplate these words again and you ask yourself if it is what you really want to do, I have no problem risking everything & everybody. Do you think you could do the same? I concluded that I do because as much as the experience of being brought down to my knees again by a woman is very profound and life changing. Trust me I hope someone understands, I dont want to be excruciatingly lonely. I trust that I share this with the rest of us world people. Now you know, why I havent really been blogging. Or more so just vacationing alil longer...See me at my other blog I am apart of... @ thesingletrio.wordpress.com
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
It would take for me to read someone else blog.
For me to remember I have one of my own, I havent been to friendly with. Given I've strayed away from it for a while, the reason as to why? I mean honestly, I've been dealing with alot. From still dealing with my Ex (yes she is lingering around like a terrible fart, that you let out while in your own personal space.) to me just being down right fearful and indecisive about why I allow her to do the things she does, rather it is leading me on. Or just making me plainly feel fucking stupid, to be frank about it.
I mean do not get me wrong in the least bit, I still love her. Still in love with her, but what does that mean in her eyes? Nothing, right? Right...Deadass though, then its numerous things she does the bothers me. Though I am not going to leave those complaints here on my blog, as of yet I will say this. I'm so fearful of fucking around with someone new that it is kind of irritating/depressing all at once.
Then there are a few women who have been around, that have either taken notice to the fact I am publicly up my ex's ass. Or trying to see why or what she has they dont for me to be spending so much time, or punkass tweet time about.
For example:
Chocobunny: Very great friend, very observant. Kinda really fooled me that I assumed she was more naive than she had led me on to believe, We've had countless conversations about why I am the way I am with this particular ex. Then come to find out she is also dedicated to a person herself, The joys of bonding and learning people I tell ya. Deadass though, that and its refreshing to have a certified good friend you know that'll actually observe you and REMEMBER the things they learn. So its quite refreshing to know someone still gives a fuck about other people...
Then there is "Q-Baby" she's been around for about 3-4years also watched me go through those defining relationships, that made me fearful of being in a relationship. I deadass knew she always had a thing for me, but she stepped out on good faith to let me know she really diggin' me. along with telling me she wants to claim my heart, then it was like whooaaaa. I Really like clutched my heart like my nuts, had to think about that for a second. I mean I'd be cool with sharing a piece of it, but the whole fucking thing? Nooooooo, Not me. Sorry, if you wanna stick around in hopes of something surfacing. Power to you, but I dont want you to go all in on this one bet. If you leave, in which case is most likely to happen. I'll still be the friend I've been over the years...
Then there is D.Lovely, she is ok. 5 year age difference between us, Sooo I am really attempting to defer her. One I dont really care for anything that is beyond 2 yrs younger than me, Not even for sex (Blame that on my godparents for drilling that into my dome as I was younger). She has had a very troubled past, which makes me want to comfort her. Though I feel as if I cant, more so not going to comfort her. Since all my comfort was left for that particular ex, which bothers me to a point but I digress.
In which case those are the following i've been dealing with for about the last 2 weeks of my damned existence, I'd really be less pissed if I was to be fucking...But I'm not...Who's pussy do I have to snatch off for some sex? shit...sexual frustration is a bitch.
I mean do not get me wrong in the least bit, I still love her. Still in love with her, but what does that mean in her eyes? Nothing, right? Right...Deadass though, then its numerous things she does the bothers me. Though I am not going to leave those complaints here on my blog, as of yet I will say this. I'm so fearful of fucking around with someone new that it is kind of irritating/depressing all at once.
Then there are a few women who have been around, that have either taken notice to the fact I am publicly up my ex's ass. Or trying to see why or what she has they dont for me to be spending so much time, or punkass tweet time about.
For example:
Chocobunny: Very great friend, very observant. Kinda really fooled me that I assumed she was more naive than she had led me on to believe, We've had countless conversations about why I am the way I am with this particular ex. Then come to find out she is also dedicated to a person herself, The joys of bonding and learning people I tell ya. Deadass though, that and its refreshing to have a certified good friend you know that'll actually observe you and REMEMBER the things they learn. So its quite refreshing to know someone still gives a fuck about other people...
Then there is "Q-Baby" she's been around for about 3-4years also watched me go through those defining relationships, that made me fearful of being in a relationship. I deadass knew she always had a thing for me, but she stepped out on good faith to let me know she really diggin' me. along with telling me she wants to claim my heart, then it was like whooaaaa. I Really like clutched my heart like my nuts, had to think about that for a second. I mean I'd be cool with sharing a piece of it, but the whole fucking thing? Nooooooo, Not me. Sorry, if you wanna stick around in hopes of something surfacing. Power to you, but I dont want you to go all in on this one bet. If you leave, in which case is most likely to happen. I'll still be the friend I've been over the years...
Then there is D.Lovely, she is ok. 5 year age difference between us, Sooo I am really attempting to defer her. One I dont really care for anything that is beyond 2 yrs younger than me, Not even for sex (Blame that on my godparents for drilling that into my dome as I was younger). She has had a very troubled past, which makes me want to comfort her. Though I feel as if I cant, more so not going to comfort her. Since all my comfort was left for that particular ex, which bothers me to a point but I digress.
In which case those are the following i've been dealing with for about the last 2 weeks of my damned existence, I'd really be less pissed if I was to be fucking...But I'm not...Who's pussy do I have to snatch off for some sex? shit...sexual frustration is a bitch.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
He LAMENTS!!! After taking a hiatus from everything social
I turned 24 back in March. I know...I know. I'm not at "Mid-life crisis" yet, still on the kinda young side. It’s really not much of a milestone like 25 (Though I am a fucking year away from it), I’m not quite in my late twenties yet, just hitting the mid's. The last 3 or 4 years of my life have been full of growth and many changes subtle & non-subtle changes. Very painful experiences... These experiences that felt too ill to be fucking true.
Although my birthday weekend was damn good, it managed to have a few minor wrinkles in it. Between familia, women drama as always, along with me trying to make sense of all of it, I realized how much I may or may not matured in the past few years, and much more growing still has happen. I remember being 21 thinking I knew so much about the punkass world. Looking back in retrospect, I would have probably loved to have learned between then and now.
Cherish all friendships.
"Not all friendships are created equal" Which is true, though I am blessed with a good number of people who I can turn to for anything. I have learned over the years that part of being a good friend is allowing people to be there for you as much as you are there for them. Like relationships with chicks, relationships require time and effort. I am grateful for those people who are great friends to me.
Love just does not trump all.
Love clouded my logic on many occasions. Not just in relationships only. Love for anyone leaves you to tolerate bullshit and can cloud your good judgment along with your ability to take of your needs if you let it. please distinguish logic and good sense from the emotion of it all. Take care of yourself, even though it may hurt you to do so.
Self-love is more under-rated these days.
Or I just didnt utilize it. Actually, I’m not sure if I can put it into words. I deadass know is that I started to take a real interest in pursuing my happiness, I’m not apologetic about shit, like I used to be in the past. I’m not just taking on an "Fuck it all" attitude. I am actively attempting in taking care of my physical and mental health (Post on that to come sooner or later). I try not to, unless my happiness at that moment is caught up in deciding between two chicks, which in case happens often. HEY! I'm a work in progress, and I've been scarred by love like all. Hell ask me I've been scarred more than most.
"Letting go of something can take as much work as trying to hold on to it."
Trying not to think about something or someone is hard work. Especially when the situation or person keeps making appearances in your life. Letting go requires you to make amends with whatever the situation is. It really requires accepting it for what it is, with nothing else behind it. It means surrendering (which I've never been good at anyway). In most cases, it feels like giving up or losing a fight in some way that you knew in your mind you could win. "Letting go" really just means making room for future possible blessings or struggles. Either way, trying to carry too much at once will weigh you down. I do this more than anything, Everything that came with you can’t stay.
Although my birthday weekend was damn good, it managed to have a few minor wrinkles in it. Between familia, women drama as always, along with me trying to make sense of all of it, I realized how much I may or may not matured in the past few years, and much more growing still has happen. I remember being 21 thinking I knew so much about the punkass world. Looking back in retrospect, I would have probably loved to have learned between then and now.
Cherish all friendships.
"Not all friendships are created equal" Which is true, though I am blessed with a good number of people who I can turn to for anything. I have learned over the years that part of being a good friend is allowing people to be there for you as much as you are there for them. Like relationships with chicks, relationships require time and effort. I am grateful for those people who are great friends to me.
Love just does not trump all.
Love clouded my logic on many occasions. Not just in relationships only. Love for anyone leaves you to tolerate bullshit and can cloud your good judgment along with your ability to take of your needs if you let it. please distinguish logic and good sense from the emotion of it all. Take care of yourself, even though it may hurt you to do so.
Self-love is more under-rated these days.
Or I just didnt utilize it. Actually, I’m not sure if I can put it into words. I deadass know is that I started to take a real interest in pursuing my happiness, I’m not apologetic about shit, like I used to be in the past. I’m not just taking on an "Fuck it all" attitude. I am actively attempting in taking care of my physical and mental health (Post on that to come sooner or later). I try not to, unless my happiness at that moment is caught up in deciding between two chicks, which in case happens often. HEY! I'm a work in progress, and I've been scarred by love like all. Hell ask me I've been scarred more than most.
"Letting go of something can take as much work as trying to hold on to it."
Trying not to think about something or someone is hard work. Especially when the situation or person keeps making appearances in your life. Letting go requires you to make amends with whatever the situation is. It really requires accepting it for what it is, with nothing else behind it. It means surrendering (which I've never been good at anyway). In most cases, it feels like giving up or losing a fight in some way that you knew in your mind you could win. "Letting go" really just means making room for future possible blessings or struggles. Either way, trying to carry too much at once will weigh you down. I do this more than anything, Everything that came with you can’t stay.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Words Pride Will Not Let Me Say.
Please listen to this song before or while reading:
I honestly read and re-read the words she says, I mean is it wrong? Yes/No though she is guilty of the same thing. We are not in the midst of a conversation. We rarely ever talk now. In weeks, I havent heard her voice that I enjoy. Just hearing the simple things she says, rather it sharp words or not. Yet I wasn’t surprised by the things I expect of her.
These were serious words.... Not only because of the meaning. simply because of the “rules” she had established. I rarely let her tell me anything that just may break me, Then again it is alot of things that bother me... unless it became serious.
I changed my from jazz to this Show Tufli track I been od'n to and read her words again. Did she aim that at me?
....
.....
......
.......
........
No mental response...
My chest and my head grew light with pain. My eyes swelled, yet pride stopped tears from escaping. Refer to this as some sort physical manifestation called heartbreak. I don’t even know why or where to begin.
She and I have been officially “broke up" since 4-22-09, Damn. Has she been gone that long? Regardless of the year hiatus from 2k10, I had just visited her mind asking things I have yet to ask, again. Though, this meeting was awkward 04-08-11. I know she wanted to tell me something... despite all the bullshit conversations we had, the true meaning of our random meet-up was never mentioned to the public in details. Still, there it hid with us through all our BS spats, forced smiles and forced lies. It was and still is a ever present & unwelcomed stranger.
Even the very last time I had been in her bedroom, I personally could see the finale of it all faintly reflected in each our eyes. Now, a month later, there it was something I expected to see later than sooner. I didn’t blame her for it was just a free thought thrown into the world free of charge.
....
.....
......
.......
........
Months will pass by, even maybe years before I think of letting her reach out...more so that deeply into me again. I could never just be her friend to be frank about it. I’ll always love her and she knows it. I sit bitter and silent on my end. Waiting but not really ever expecting to hear from her ever again. I never ignore her but I can’t bring myself to contact her first after alot of things between us. She had, after all, chosen him over me. Like all times before him and others... I always respect her decision, but I don’t ever have to fucking like it.
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
She can have me back if she wanted and she knew it. But, she doesn’t want it to be that simple (I guess). She wants me to beg & plead for her to be mines again... She wants me to fight for her, save her from whatever, and make her be with me.
Eventually her month long absences stretched into a year. Which I grew accustomedto during one particularly long break.
Pulling me back into a life I was trying, to move on from. Then I wonder if I had changed my FB or something. I could never know for sure. I had lied to myself on her behalf on more occasions than I cared to remember.
I was disgusted with myself for failing her.
I thought about the life I had lived in her absence while my frustration got the better of me. I wonder consciously and verbally why she left me and continues to do so every chance she gets, I chase after her. I run after her, Yet it is never reciprocated. When she has man in her life who loves her and who she claimed she loved back (as a friend). She accuses me of letting it happen, in my failing to rescue her, I was an accomplice in my own way of "Playing her".
A part of me wants to tear through heaven & hell to reach her. I tell myself that eventually I’d never think of the right words to say. Maybe I don’t want to. I slowly accept that although she was the woman I wanted, she may not be the woman I needed. She is my heroin and I am her cocaine. Maybe addicted to misery but longing for happiness. In the end, I ask a friend who has witnessed our episode for her advice. she objectively reminded me that we brought out the best in one another and the worst, but in the latter part of our relationship, the worst could now surface more than the best. Is this true?
I honestly read and re-read the words she says, I mean is it wrong? Yes/No though she is guilty of the same thing. We are not in the midst of a conversation. We rarely ever talk now. In weeks, I havent heard her voice that I enjoy. Just hearing the simple things she says, rather it sharp words or not. Yet I wasn’t surprised by the things I expect of her.
These were serious words.... Not only because of the meaning. simply because of the “rules” she had established. I rarely let her tell me anything that just may break me, Then again it is alot of things that bother me... unless it became serious.
I changed my from jazz to this Show Tufli track I been od'n to and read her words again. Did she aim that at me?
....
.....
......
.......
........
No mental response...
My chest and my head grew light with pain. My eyes swelled, yet pride stopped tears from escaping. Refer to this as some sort physical manifestation called heartbreak. I don’t even know why or where to begin.
She and I have been officially “broke up" since 4-22-09, Damn. Has she been gone that long? Regardless of the year hiatus from 2k10, I had just visited her mind asking things I have yet to ask, again. Though, this meeting was awkward 04-08-11. I know she wanted to tell me something... despite all the bullshit conversations we had, the true meaning of our random meet-up was never mentioned to the public in details. Still, there it hid with us through all our BS spats, forced smiles and forced lies. It was and still is a ever present & unwelcomed stranger.
Even the very last time I had been in her bedroom, I personally could see the finale of it all faintly reflected in each our eyes. Now, a month later, there it was something I expected to see later than sooner. I didn’t blame her for it was just a free thought thrown into the world free of charge.
....
.....
......
.......
........
Months will pass by, even maybe years before I think of letting her reach out...more so that deeply into me again. I could never just be her friend to be frank about it. I’ll always love her and she knows it. I sit bitter and silent on my end. Waiting but not really ever expecting to hear from her ever again. I never ignore her but I can’t bring myself to contact her first after alot of things between us. She had, after all, chosen him over me. Like all times before him and others... I always respect her decision, but I don’t ever have to fucking like it.
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
She can have me back if she wanted and she knew it. But, she doesn’t want it to be that simple (I guess). She wants me to beg & plead for her to be mines again... She wants me to fight for her, save her from whatever, and make her be with me.
Eventually her month long absences stretched into a year. Which I grew accustomedto during one particularly long break.
Pulling me back into a life I was trying, to move on from. Then I wonder if I had changed my FB or something. I could never know for sure. I had lied to myself on her behalf on more occasions than I cared to remember.
I was disgusted with myself for failing her.
I thought about the life I had lived in her absence while my frustration got the better of me. I wonder consciously and verbally why she left me and continues to do so every chance she gets, I chase after her. I run after her, Yet it is never reciprocated. When she has man in her life who loves her and who she claimed she loved back (as a friend). She accuses me of letting it happen, in my failing to rescue her, I was an accomplice in my own way of "Playing her".
A part of me wants to tear through heaven & hell to reach her. I tell myself that eventually I’d never think of the right words to say. Maybe I don’t want to. I slowly accept that although she was the woman I wanted, she may not be the woman I needed. She is my heroin and I am her cocaine. Maybe addicted to misery but longing for happiness. In the end, I ask a friend who has witnessed our episode for her advice. she objectively reminded me that we brought out the best in one another and the worst, but in the latter part of our relationship, the worst could now surface more than the best. Is this true?
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I noticed that I write on tracing paper when it comes to yourself & I, to remind me that my words are transparent to you. When written down and spoken, My thoughts become frosted glass. Blurred up in the shower room for others, just another that draws strange words upon you. You translate me, On the pages of that notebook we call a heart. You make accusations and tell me what it is you claim to feel. The sad thing is that almost always, You are right. Yet never divulge everything you feel about me, or dont want about me....
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Where Are You Going? We Shouldnt Be Slowing Down.
A good friend of mine told me that I would've been the perfect guy, if ever I looked in the mirror and thought about changing my ways. She said I should start by being kind to people, Yet I'm already that. I often kind to those every chance I get so when my name is brought up, it is with something associated with kindness (Or bitterness depending on the subject.)
Kind, what does that really mean? To be caring against other people? To care, Sounds about right!?
A couple of years ago, I had been really hurt. I’m not gonna go into details about it, but it was because of a under 6month long relationship with a girl that ended badly (not once but twice, Which leaves room for you to dig or wonder who I am talking about.). After that I swore myself never to fall in love again and never to be weak, easily hurt. So I put up my defense mechanism.
I can honestly admit I honestly have not been in love with a new woman, Since 09'. That goes alot of ways, Given I'm still in love with someone. (See What I did there? Why yes, Yes you did...Its more to dig if you see me away from the keyboard.)
I thought that by being subtly arrogant, non-judgmental, rude and (somewhat) heartless I would look stronger and do better in this life. But it doesnt fully work. Instead I thought about alienating my friends for the chance of meeting new people. Whenever I met a new girl (Whenever I do), I'll date her for a lil' while. Then I'll aim to find something wrong with her because I’m kind of gifted at finding something I don’t like the most in a woman (Yet I just continue, sometimes because its better than singing 'Rihanna - So hard' in the shower).
All these wonderful, beautiful, amazing, intelligent girls that I let go because of me wanting you for whatever fucking reason...along with the possibly ignorant way of looking at the world and people. I never thought that I’m not perfect either (Sometimes). All of us have faults and unfortunately, I am no exception..I'm aware of that. Now I never regret not being the perfect guy for these women, I rather be something like it to just one. I never tell them this and how I really feel about them, I just explained myself out of talking about it.
Eventually I have to take down the defense mechanism and let other people in. I have to be a kinder person, more thoughtful and caring hopefully. Also I’ve understood is this, the fact of me being a gentle human being, doesn’t make me a weaker one atleast to my own eyes. Though she tells me I'm nothing in just about everything that comes out of her mouth
Wow, this is too deep for a Thursday right!?
Kind, what does that really mean? To be caring against other people? To care, Sounds about right!?
A couple of years ago, I had been really hurt. I’m not gonna go into details about it, but it was because of a under 6month long relationship with a girl that ended badly (not once but twice, Which leaves room for you to dig or wonder who I am talking about.). After that I swore myself never to fall in love again and never to be weak, easily hurt. So I put up my defense mechanism.
I can honestly admit I honestly have not been in love with a new woman, Since 09'. That goes alot of ways, Given I'm still in love with someone. (See What I did there? Why yes, Yes you did...Its more to dig if you see me away from the keyboard.)
I thought that by being subtly arrogant, non-judgmental, rude and (somewhat) heartless I would look stronger and do better in this life. But it doesnt fully work. Instead I thought about alienating my friends for the chance of meeting new people. Whenever I met a new girl (Whenever I do), I'll date her for a lil' while. Then I'll aim to find something wrong with her because I’m kind of gifted at finding something I don’t like the most in a woman (Yet I just continue, sometimes because its better than singing 'Rihanna - So hard' in the shower).
All these wonderful, beautiful, amazing, intelligent girls that I let go because of me wanting you for whatever fucking reason...along with the possibly ignorant way of looking at the world and people. I never thought that I’m not perfect either (Sometimes). All of us have faults and unfortunately, I am no exception..I'm aware of that. Now I never regret not being the perfect guy for these women, I rather be something like it to just one. I never tell them this and how I really feel about them, I just explained myself out of talking about it.
Eventually I have to take down the defense mechanism and let other people in. I have to be a kinder person, more thoughtful and caring hopefully. Also I’ve understood is this, the fact of me being a gentle human being, doesn’t make me a weaker one atleast to my own eyes. Though she tells me I'm nothing in just about everything that comes out of her mouth
Wow, this is too deep for a Thursday right!?
Monday, May 9, 2011
...
“Interesting.” Is a word we all use when we cannot think of a more accurate description of our thoughts and emotions.
After 3 years of emotional back and forth with this womman, I thought I wouldnt be more bothered by learning that she does not want me, yet share all of these things. Especially because this was something I had to think about while we were not still involved. Yeah. I guess I thought I’d be more hurt, Or that I’d care more.
In which case I do...Then again. That is something I will not tell via my blog, without saying in person if it is said.
After 3 years, once I finally rid myself of my healthy/unhealthy emotional connection to her, I just may feel free. I need to learn to stop looking to her or caring for her & her thoughts maybe even her well being. I live my life accordingly. I need to put the “friendship” we have/had in perspective and move forward with my life. Seemingly as time progress and she keeps up this shit that is going on now, there just may be no realistic hope for something more in the future. she wants me to get beyond it... I think I just may get beyond that, So shit will no longer hurt.
So why all this emotion now? Hell if I know. Especially because I have too many needs to get done, or things I shouldnt have let happen thus far.
Clearly, I don’t know how I feel about this. Do I wish I didn’t know at all? Some say ignorance is bliss. But I don’t know.
How did you find out that your “him” or “her” was involved with a new boo? Or How did you feel once they continue to try and bring you into something emotional with out knowing they did so? How did you react, if at all? Initial reactions are usually strong, but with time comes clarity. It is what it is. Thanks for reading!
After 3 years of emotional back and forth with this womman, I thought I wouldnt be more bothered by learning that she does not want me, yet share all of these things. Especially because this was something I had to think about while we were not still involved. Yeah. I guess I thought I’d be more hurt, Or that I’d care more.
In which case I do...Then again. That is something I will not tell via my blog, without saying in person if it is said.
After 3 years, once I finally rid myself of my healthy/unhealthy emotional connection to her, I just may feel free. I need to learn to stop looking to her or caring for her & her thoughts maybe even her well being. I live my life accordingly. I need to put the “friendship” we have/had in perspective and move forward with my life. Seemingly as time progress and she keeps up this shit that is going on now, there just may be no realistic hope for something more in the future. she wants me to get beyond it... I think I just may get beyond that, So shit will no longer hurt.
So why all this emotion now? Hell if I know. Especially because I have too many needs to get done, or things I shouldnt have let happen thus far.
Clearly, I don’t know how I feel about this. Do I wish I didn’t know at all? Some say ignorance is bliss. But I don’t know.
How did you find out that your “him” or “her” was involved with a new boo? Or How did you feel once they continue to try and bring you into something emotional with out knowing they did so? How did you react, if at all? Initial reactions are usually strong, but with time comes clarity. It is what it is. Thanks for reading!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
The hardest thing I ever had to witness & hear was you leave in his embrace, and speak his name. Yes it truly bothers me. Even if I am "Rick- In a friendship mood" due to me believing you telling me us being friends may blossom something, or your warming up to me again...Trust was increasing then it flatlined...
Holding myself back because I knew I would never again take that smile off your face
Even if I didn’t hold the key to your bliss I knew you deserved much more than this
Hidden away is the simple truth that I would die for just one more sacred kiss... I need to stop here. I'm saying too much....The fire in the eye of the other is still bland.
Holding myself back because I knew I would never again take that smile off your face
Even if I didn’t hold the key to your bliss I knew you deserved much more than this
Hidden away is the simple truth that I would die for just one more sacred kiss... I need to stop here. I'm saying too much....The fire in the eye of the other is still bland.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Some asked me about "Myself" & Relationships.
Sometimes I get lost in my own world and forget to reach out to people. I’ve gotten better at that. I also hate fighting. I used to let some things go because I didn’t feel like waging war, but now if I have a problem I deal with it right there on the spot unless I’m bout to turn into the Hulk. Then I walk away and come back once I’ve cooled off. My latent temper is pretty ferocious.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
This would've been...
A emo post, but fuck it. I'm good on earth,this place is full of deceitful ass people. I think I'm trying alil too hard, Then not too mention the fact of that potential job didnt hit me back due to my record, I understand whats seen is seen. It was 5 yrs ago, An I didnt have anything to do with it. Just so happen I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and ended up taking the fall for it.
Not to mention, I am starting to believe I've lost sight of her. I would elaborate, but I am alil to honest to say what feel here. Without saying it face to face atleast...Just know I'm deadass mad about alot of things an I refuse to sit and be quiet about it. (Like I ever sit and be non-vocal about something at all anyway)
Not to mention, I am starting to believe I've lost sight of her. I would elaborate, but I am alil to honest to say what feel here. Without saying it face to face atleast...Just know I'm deadass mad about alot of things an I refuse to sit and be quiet about it. (Like I ever sit and be non-vocal about something at all anyway)
Dropping.
I found comfort in the melody that you sang to me.
Even though it stole my smile away from me.
As the curve of my lips fell down,
Like buildings on fire, burning to the ground.
Breaking down, breaking down.
To the sound, of your beautiful voice.
Even though it stole my smile away from me.
As the curve of my lips fell down,
Like buildings on fire, burning to the ground.
Breaking down, breaking down.
To the sound, of your beautiful voice.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Let's clear something up.
For the record there is someone out there who has such a big issue with something they know nothing about, For here is one of the downfalls of someone like myself living an "Open-book" lifestyle. For this certain person fails to understand, what she reads is completely different from what goes on. Like reading a novel, you get the picture or the memory the author is painting for you. Though some never live the exact picture or moment that person has went through, let alone every thought that has or has not made the book itself.
Just like if you continue to read a certain authors novel, or open journal. That does not mean there is a play-by-play commentary of every minute of his/her day going on, only those around him knows the situation or what happened that day. Also, I rarely ever speak of things in deep detail unless it bothers me. For those that know me personally can vouch, just like those who know I listen to Charles Hamilton more often than not at all. If those who listened to me while offering the experience to see where I get some of my quotes from would be more enlightening for those 4 quotes in my previous blog were all Lyrics from some of my fav. CH songs Only 2 people would know that.... It would've been a 3rd if the short monster had listened inplace of coming around looking for more reason to talk shit, about something she knew nothing of. In which case I've been single since July 2k10 (2010 for the dumb people), also Not I was dumped nor tossed to the side. Just gave up, now if it is to be considered that...So be it. I'm not in to relationship politics with those who never listen, Its part of life along vs living..
~ADMIN. Note~
For I had such a longer blog than this, given the power reset on me. I now have became pissed, and will not be able to recreate the other 7 paragraphs that were in this. So Let's just roll with this...
Just like if you continue to read a certain authors novel, or open journal. That does not mean there is a play-by-play commentary of every minute of his/her day going on, only those around him knows the situation or what happened that day. Also, I rarely ever speak of things in deep detail unless it bothers me. For those that know me personally can vouch, just like those who know I listen to Charles Hamilton more often than not at all. If those who listened to me while offering the experience to see where I get some of my quotes from would be more enlightening for those 4 quotes in my previous blog were all Lyrics from some of my fav. CH songs Only 2 people would know that.... It would've been a 3rd if the short monster had listened inplace of coming around looking for more reason to talk shit, about something she knew nothing of. In which case I've been single since July 2k10 (2010 for the dumb people), also Not I was dumped nor tossed to the side. Just gave up, now if it is to be considered that...So be it. I'm not in to relationship politics with those who never listen, Its part of life along vs living..
~ADMIN. Note~
For I had such a longer blog than this, given the power reset on me. I now have became pissed, and will not be able to recreate the other 7 paragraphs that were in this. So Let's just roll with this...
Am I Wrong Or Am I Stupid?
I must have "Fool" written across my fucking face obviously, not too mention I am growing mighty tired of being patient. An giving 2nd-3rd chances, just to have dirt kicked in my face.
"My love it's on the line..."
"I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired. Your love isn't fair, you live in a world where you didn't listen. And you didn't care, so I'm floating... I'm floating on air."
"It's over."
"Go away! Go away! Go away..."
It pissed me off, talking about I let go. He hasnt yet, Deadass though I hate when I get overlooked or underestimated everytime. Its cool though, I'm not gonna say I'm ok with it. Though she cant let go of him, Which hurts more so bothers me every fucking time.
"My love it's on the line..."
"I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired. Your love isn't fair, you live in a world where you didn't listen. And you didn't care, so I'm floating... I'm floating on air."
"It's over."
"Go away! Go away! Go away..."
It pissed me off, talking about I let go. He hasnt yet, Deadass though I hate when I get overlooked or underestimated everytime. Its cool though, I'm not gonna say I'm ok with it. Though she cant let go of him, Which hurts more so bothers me every fucking time.
Friday, April 15, 2011
It Aint Perfect.
There is a song out there that has the ability to slay people because the minute we hear the shit we all relapse & start to travel back in time...to that "one" relationship, that one confrontation, that 1 time, that 1 person.
It gets me everytime because I start thinking about what we could have said, how I wish she felt, what I wish she had done or didn’t do. I personally get to wondering asking myself why and wondering what could have been. clingy? I assume so...Then again I looked it up and I dont think I personally fit that criteria:
1. To hold fast or adhere to something, as by grasping, sticking, embracing, or entwining
2. To remain close; resist separation
3. To remain emotionally attached
Well maybe numero 3....But it is up for debate.
For me this relationship is all about shits & giggles. It honestly takes me back to our second YES! 2nd for the slow ones (or was it third? Who can fucking remember anymore?) breakup. Without going into major detail, let me say this she did something fucked up and I found out about it while we were in a public-fucking place. My reaction...was probably the closest I’ve ever came to doing bodily harm to a woman in public and yet when I calmed and tried to talk to her, she fucking refused. Again she just walked away, Which I honestly do hate. I dont mind you looking at me like your dumb, Just do not (DO FUCKING NOT!!) Walk away from me.
I remember being so pissed that after everything that had happened she could just turn her back and stroll off and leave me crying on the inside like that (SHE TOOK EVERYTHING!!!! *in my kevin hart voice). It was one of the few times I really ever felt like she would never always be there for me (though she swears I played her).
So when Lauryn Hill's bridge of "Ex-factor" starts singing: “care for me care for me, care for me/i know you care for me/there for me, there for me said you’d be there for me/cry for me, cry for me you said you’d die for me/give to me, give to me why don’t you live for me?”
It just pisses me the fuck off in its entirety…gets me. I end up right back in that spot of being completely upset about what the fuck she did also mad at myself for my dumbass initial reaction and bereft (Did you see what I said there? Yea, I said it fucka) by the fact that I won’t talk to her or listen to what she has to say. If I’m not careful I will get choked the fuck up at that very part of the song. So if your late listen, if you know what I mean. Listen again and get reacquainted quickly...
An to that East Lansing reader. Atleast comment...Or ask what happened...If your not so caught up calling someone "Pathetic" Deadass though...
It gets me everytime because I start thinking about what we could have said, how I wish she felt, what I wish she had done or didn’t do. I personally get to wondering asking myself why and wondering what could have been. clingy? I assume so...Then again I looked it up and I dont think I personally fit that criteria:
1. To hold fast or adhere to something, as by grasping, sticking, embracing, or entwining
2. To remain close; resist separation
3. To remain emotionally attached
Well maybe numero 3....But it is up for debate.
For me this relationship is all about shits & giggles. It honestly takes me back to our second YES! 2nd for the slow ones (or was it third? Who can fucking remember anymore?) breakup. Without going into major detail, let me say this she did something fucked up and I found out about it while we were in a public-fucking place. My reaction...was probably the closest I’ve ever came to doing bodily harm to a woman in public and yet when I calmed and tried to talk to her, she fucking refused. Again she just walked away, Which I honestly do hate. I dont mind you looking at me like your dumb, Just do not (DO FUCKING NOT!!) Walk away from me.
I remember being so pissed that after everything that had happened she could just turn her back and stroll off and leave me crying on the inside like that (SHE TOOK EVERYTHING!!!! *in my kevin hart voice). It was one of the few times I really ever felt like she would never always be there for me (though she swears I played her).
So when Lauryn Hill's bridge of "Ex-factor" starts singing: “care for me care for me, care for me/i know you care for me/there for me, there for me said you’d be there for me/cry for me, cry for me you said you’d die for me/give to me, give to me why don’t you live for me?”
It just pisses me the fuck off in its entirety…gets me. I end up right back in that spot of being completely upset about what the fuck she did also mad at myself for my dumbass initial reaction and bereft (Did you see what I said there? Yea, I said it fucka) by the fact that I won’t talk to her or listen to what she has to say. If I’m not careful I will get choked the fuck up at that very part of the song. So if your late listen, if you know what I mean. Listen again and get reacquainted quickly...
An to that East Lansing reader. Atleast comment...Or ask what happened...If your not so caught up calling someone "Pathetic" Deadass though...
Friday, April 8, 2011
Something for someone Who I felt knew me best.
I have to admit I am scared of something when it comes to the thought of you or what we once had, We both dreamed the same dream. That we both fell deeply & passionately in love, with no boundaries. With each others love, I personally became something better. Feeling like I had found someone to live for, but that one day in winter and that spring of that same year. the 3 of us were awoken to the notion, that me being with neither one of you. We were all still alone...Damn near through everything.
For I guess you could say if you cared enough or even still thought of me, I am a tad bit afraid of those people who say they believe in "true love". From what I understood about the world, Those who love passionately also hate passionately too. Though I am fully capable of both, which was proven. I am more prone to the hatred...If that's strong enough to feel.
For I guess you could say if you cared enough or even still thought of me, I am a tad bit afraid of those people who say they believe in "true love". From what I understood about the world, Those who love passionately also hate passionately too. Though I am fully capable of both, which was proven. I am more prone to the hatred...If that's strong enough to feel.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
You can start shaking & moving all around.
So for the time being, everything has been some what calming. Not many issues, more time to just be left alone and think. Do I miss it? No, Why would I? Do I care? Maybe, I'm not gonna even elaborate on that. *Shrugs* Life goes on, dont it? Oy-vey this fragile life. Moving on, just wanted to update a lil. I do have a more detailed blog coming up, I just didnt feel it. Aight? laters.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Reminder
"keep me for yourself as long as you can, before they all find out about me... before you start to lose your love for me..taste my thoughts... deep into my mind... love my pain.. i'm here to entertain you all.." - Rosado Populair (Me)
Its been a minute since I've blogged, Nothing really has changed much. Besides I did get a lil plug to follow up at Bed Bath & Beyond, They deadass have this pop art of all of their album covers I'd love to have. I been lost in my own thoughts of my singleness lately, and utter disappointment. Why? I dont know, I do know...More so feel nothing is "Unconditional" so I'm slowly giving up on that dream. I also had already thrown the towel in long ago, especially after getting my hopes up about those Robert Greene books. Mind you its alil bitchy to nag about it, but I'm not perfect so I'll take that moment proudly. I mean outside of all the things I have received (Still receiving also), I got uber hyped about those books. Because not only did I speak of it to "that woman", I brought it up to everyone. and given everyone thought the books were madd expensive when they werent, Lol side gesture: Its been pointed out to me I am quite the expensive guy when it comes to certain things in my world. Rather its kicks (Of course, like duh!) Venturing out to eat...(I never really noticed I had mid expensive taste. I am not a high-end "Foodie"). Then everything else I dabble with, from the the trip to guitar center.
Outside of that, after being in the same Cemetery where we let Mary go home has slightly worn off of me. Though I expected that to be the next thing that "Woman" was going to spew out of her twitter mouth. Havent since checked it since she sent me that "Heartfelt" message, other than that. Have not spoke to her, in my eyes honestly for what? I cant pull myself to conversation with her, Nor will I try. I want to but then again I'll be damn if I speak with her about things that haunt or bother me on a daily. For that level has been fairly destroyed and betrayed. given I rarely ever admit to a woman betraying my trust or confiding level in her, but I guess that shows I am human and getting older. Outside of that my ladies Fe & Ash had a great damn anniversary despite a bumpy start, and probably ended with a beautiful dinner. I wish I was there to had taken pictures, and I am glad they acknowledged me for helping coordinate their outfits and have a hand in selecting gifts, Lol Ash said the other day cant wait til I get a GF. So she could help and see my hopeless romantic side, reluctantly I said without hesitation or thinking in a 2nd nature fashion "Yeah, fucking right! I'll be damned. I am petrified to fall in love again, let alone try to get fresh (close) with a new woman again. After this last situation played out." We talked a lil further in to that. But breakfast is ready and I wanted to anti up a blog that I had plans on finishing so deadass though...Everyone needs a reminder...
"have a history of making decisions very quickly about women. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching her highest potential." - Rosado Populair
"I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a women, rather than with the woman herself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the woman to ascend to her own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism" - Rosado Populair...
Just leaving you with Reminding thoughts that'll linger for you.
Its been a minute since I've blogged, Nothing really has changed much. Besides I did get a lil plug to follow up at Bed Bath & Beyond, They deadass have this pop art of all of their album covers I'd love to have. I been lost in my own thoughts of my singleness lately, and utter disappointment. Why? I dont know, I do know...More so feel nothing is "Unconditional" so I'm slowly giving up on that dream. I also had already thrown the towel in long ago, especially after getting my hopes up about those Robert Greene books. Mind you its alil bitchy to nag about it, but I'm not perfect so I'll take that moment proudly. I mean outside of all the things I have received (Still receiving also), I got uber hyped about those books. Because not only did I speak of it to "that woman", I brought it up to everyone. and given everyone thought the books were madd expensive when they werent, Lol side gesture: Its been pointed out to me I am quite the expensive guy when it comes to certain things in my world. Rather its kicks (Of course, like duh!) Venturing out to eat...(I never really noticed I had mid expensive taste. I am not a high-end "Foodie"). Then everything else I dabble with, from the the trip to guitar center.
Outside of that, after being in the same Cemetery where we let Mary go home has slightly worn off of me. Though I expected that to be the next thing that "Woman" was going to spew out of her twitter mouth. Havent since checked it since she sent me that "Heartfelt" message, other than that. Have not spoke to her, in my eyes honestly for what? I cant pull myself to conversation with her, Nor will I try. I want to but then again I'll be damn if I speak with her about things that haunt or bother me on a daily. For that level has been fairly destroyed and betrayed. given I rarely ever admit to a woman betraying my trust or confiding level in her, but I guess that shows I am human and getting older. Outside of that my ladies Fe & Ash had a great damn anniversary despite a bumpy start, and probably ended with a beautiful dinner. I wish I was there to had taken pictures, and I am glad they acknowledged me for helping coordinate their outfits and have a hand in selecting gifts, Lol Ash said the other day cant wait til I get a GF. So she could help and see my hopeless romantic side, reluctantly I said without hesitation or thinking in a 2nd nature fashion "Yeah, fucking right! I'll be damned. I am petrified to fall in love again, let alone try to get fresh (close) with a new woman again. After this last situation played out." We talked a lil further in to that. But breakfast is ready and I wanted to anti up a blog that I had plans on finishing so deadass though...Everyone needs a reminder...
"have a history of making decisions very quickly about women. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching her highest potential." - Rosado Populair
"I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a women, rather than with the woman herself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the woman to ascend to her own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism" - Rosado Populair...
Just leaving you with Reminding thoughts that'll linger for you.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
After the emo post.
So in lue of the emo post I had to get rid of, I dont feel a tad bit better. Its alot on my mind at the moment, Its beginning to bring out the distant feeling. Where I feel I should just go back to distancing myself like I did a few months back, Why? I mean its things I would love to go into detail about. I just dont want to, more so do not feel comfortable doing so. Well atleast at the moment, once the distant feeling comes about. I feel as my defense mechanism comes full bloom, so I'd personally would rather just stay closed mouth about... atleast for now. Before some yuck mouth comes along claiming I'm playig some sort of "victim", or what not.
Honestly how.....Never mind I wont even post that question. That'll be a waste of time, anywhom I had alot of fun down here for the majority of my birthday month. We brought my 24th in right! I mean it probably would not have gotten any better, but I hey! Fuck you dont judge me, I'm glad for what I had. Along with the time well spent, with everything else between. So for the moment I'd like to take this time out to thank those who did get me something for my birthday.
Mommy- Thanks foor everything since I've been down here. I didnt expect you to brin me anything back from Vegas, I was just down here because I had simply missed you all. Also the fact I didnt spend enough time down here to me going to MSU with to see that other chick...As always you came through with surprises thank you I love you.
Ty & E - What more could I ask for besides having hung out with yall, I'm always content just being in the presence of my bro's let alone us going out to do something. So not only thank you for the memories, but the gifts and the club nights deadass though. Its always nothing but love on the up & up.
Fe & Ash - The 2 of yall...What can I say, I said when Ash asked me what did I want for my birthday I had. which was a close knit family, So I didnt expect you nor Ash to have did the things you 2 have done for me being down here with the both of you. From the gifts, to the both of you coming out to the club with E and everyone else. To the both of you taking me to dinner. This birthday is by far the most memorable, and I'm glad I made sure I had came back to kick it. For I didnt get enough time to kick with everyone while I had plans on going up to MSU...So again thank you. I had fun rocking with ya'll for doing everything leading up to you both anniversary, I hope it goes fine and make it another year for me ok?
Well finally this last person...has no name but a "?".
"?" - you were worth something to me at one point and time, but yet swore I was doing much more than you possibly thought when I was nothing but who I said was from day one. I would've enjoyed the gifts of those books from you, but since things took a turn for the worse only thing I can say or do is say "Fuck it" I'll just wait alil longer until I obtain them myself. Outside of that you have really proven that opening up to women is not the best thing to do at this time. Even when you are getting personally attached to someone, you shouldnt be talking about personal things someone divulged to you. It is like myself speaking up things of your past that haunts you, in which case I've stayed true to not engaging. Though the things that were said & seen, made me want to lash out angrily and do bodily harm. Which is far from who I am, I just wanted to vent partially as far as that. As far as anything else go that could be said VIA phone or private message will not be said.
Honestly how.....Never mind I wont even post that question. That'll be a waste of time, anywhom I had alot of fun down here for the majority of my birthday month. We brought my 24th in right! I mean it probably would not have gotten any better, but I hey! Fuck you dont judge me, I'm glad for what I had. Along with the time well spent, with everything else between. So for the moment I'd like to take this time out to thank those who did get me something for my birthday.
Mommy- Thanks foor everything since I've been down here. I didnt expect you to brin me anything back from Vegas, I was just down here because I had simply missed you all. Also the fact I didnt spend enough time down here to me going to MSU with to see that other chick...As always you came through with surprises thank you I love you.
Ty & E - What more could I ask for besides having hung out with yall, I'm always content just being in the presence of my bro's let alone us going out to do something. So not only thank you for the memories, but the gifts and the club nights deadass though. Its always nothing but love on the up & up.
Fe & Ash - The 2 of yall...What can I say, I said when Ash asked me what did I want for my birthday I had. which was a close knit family, So I didnt expect you nor Ash to have did the things you 2 have done for me being down here with the both of you. From the gifts, to the both of you coming out to the club with E and everyone else. To the both of you taking me to dinner. This birthday is by far the most memorable, and I'm glad I made sure I had came back to kick it. For I didnt get enough time to kick with everyone while I had plans on going up to MSU...So again thank you. I had fun rocking with ya'll for doing everything leading up to you both anniversary, I hope it goes fine and make it another year for me ok?
Well finally this last person...has no name but a "?".
"?" - you were worth something to me at one point and time, but yet swore I was doing much more than you possibly thought when I was nothing but who I said was from day one. I would've enjoyed the gifts of those books from you, but since things took a turn for the worse only thing I can say or do is say "Fuck it" I'll just wait alil longer until I obtain them myself. Outside of that you have really proven that opening up to women is not the best thing to do at this time. Even when you are getting personally attached to someone, you shouldnt be talking about personal things someone divulged to you. It is like myself speaking up things of your past that haunts you, in which case I've stayed true to not engaging. Though the things that were said & seen, made me want to lash out angrily and do bodily harm. Which is far from who I am, I just wanted to vent partially as far as that. As far as anything else go that could be said VIA phone or private message will not be said.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Everything was on schedule
Soooo in the midst of kicking back and having the ending of the best birthday ever!! Its always something negative looming to happen, for sake of hearing someone bitch about me "running to my blog" as always. I'll keep it short and less detailed as possible, Now I'll say 3-4months ago I encountered something I felt could blossom. Even though my record with "Eastsiders" is greatly declining rapidly...
I wanna take a second to remember the taste of that firehouse burger I had at Champps last night. It was damned deeeelisssshhhhh.
Anyway, it was fun & blooming despite the fact the woman constantly thought it was more to me and "Booty Diva's" friendship. In which case since I had a emo-breakdown a few weeks back, I really havent heard from her nor chose to call her. For reasons to be named in another blog someday. To keep moving, I did something I rarely ever do. I havent really said too much to anyone about the chick. I assume that is where I probably eff'd up at, but that is always up for debate. Moving along, I kept true to everything I've said to this person. (So I think I did) If I didnt I'm pretty sure she wouldnt tell me to begin with, Like most women. With the fact of my theory goes as proven even with this forthcoming loss, That nothing with me ever makes it to the coveted "6month" milestone. Even when I show I attach with unconditional feelings or even emotions if you would like to go that far...
Also the one thing that always seems to burn my balls is that, Of all people they all get mad over my blog. Even when I am reflecting on memories, knowing that everyone reflect on memories. Even when I was suspected to be worried about the "past" I still managed to show I was not concerned about it in the least bit, Just reflecting on memories that were. Which is a fucking problem in her eyes...but in the end my theory goes as proven...Pointless no 6month milestone...Oh well gonna Od to these beats and get my shit together. Gonna be heading back to half ass pontiac soon
I wanna take a second to remember the taste of that firehouse burger I had at Champps last night. It was damned deeeelisssshhhhh.
Anyway, it was fun & blooming despite the fact the woman constantly thought it was more to me and "Booty Diva's" friendship. In which case since I had a emo-breakdown a few weeks back, I really havent heard from her nor chose to call her. For reasons to be named in another blog someday. To keep moving, I did something I rarely ever do. I havent really said too much to anyone about the chick. I assume that is where I probably eff'd up at, but that is always up for debate. Moving along, I kept true to everything I've said to this person. (So I think I did) If I didnt I'm pretty sure she wouldnt tell me to begin with, Like most women. With the fact of my theory goes as proven even with this forthcoming loss, That nothing with me ever makes it to the coveted "6month" milestone. Even when I show I attach with unconditional feelings or even emotions if you would like to go that far...
Also the one thing that always seems to burn my balls is that, Of all people they all get mad over my blog. Even when I am reflecting on memories, knowing that everyone reflect on memories. Even when I was suspected to be worried about the "past" I still managed to show I was not concerned about it in the least bit, Just reflecting on memories that were. Which is a fucking problem in her eyes...but in the end my theory goes as proven...Pointless no 6month milestone...Oh well gonna Od to these beats and get my shit together. Gonna be heading back to half ass pontiac soon
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Yo Weekend Cap
So I've had one of the most memorable birthday's, The entire lead up to it and this closing weekend was one of the best. Despite the ignorance of a young lady, but other than that it was damned great. Mommy & Fe brought me back some stuff from "Sin City", Then Fe & Ash took me out to dinner at Bdubs it was mad fun. Then E came through, copped me some gifts. Ended up going out to Club Necto in Ann Arbor, MI for my bday to shake dick and get drunk. Mind you I havent been drunk since July 10', So it was good times.
I attended my godsisters bday party, wished my godfather a happy birthday today. Now I'm ending my bday weekend with my manz Chicky wing next to me as I type this, I couldnt ask for a better scripted ending to a perfect birthday. Happy 24th to me, oh yeah and The dude Quest got that ankle brace for me. Along with more drinks at the club from last night....Club life is one of the reasons I love life. Oh yea, I didnt get the great literature I wanted from Robert Greene. Its a work in progress...
Law 2 Never put too much trust in friends; learn how to use enemies.
I attended my godsisters bday party, wished my godfather a happy birthday today. Now I'm ending my bday weekend with my manz Chicky wing next to me as I type this, I couldnt ask for a better scripted ending to a perfect birthday. Happy 24th to me, oh yeah and The dude Quest got that ankle brace for me. Along with more drinks at the club from last night....Club life is one of the reasons I love life. Oh yea, I didnt get the great literature I wanted from Robert Greene. Its a work in progress...
Law 2 Never put too much trust in friends; learn how to use enemies.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Oh Back memories.
^The image above I seen on some random shit, fucking reminded me of someone. tsk tsk tsk. I love the picture but hate the memory that came with it...Bitch haunts me enough.^
Simply put, What is the one position where a man positions himself behind that woman and dives his penis into the woman’s inviting pussy behind? In this position (doggy style), she is usually bent over something or on her fours.
My ex(s) was particularly damned good for this. One in particular had a soft rounded butt, the type that moves gently in jeans when she struts. Like soft cottoned jelly...I know it makes me sound off, sue me. From the day I took off her clothes for the first time, in my room at my great aunts there was no other position. As I type, I vividly remember that evening many years ago. I dont even remember what we did before she came over and we were upstairs chilling, I do remember we was watching "Illegal Tender" then how we ended up fucking is still a blur.
In one swift move she was kissing my earlobe and her hand wandered to my penis. As I felt on her erect nipples and wet mound, she let me turn her back to me and I proceeded to remove her jeans & panties all in one motion. Parted thighs urging me to put my dick in. I slid into her as she steadied her hands, one on the wall and the other on the my mattress. The pure sight of me thrusting into her at the same time was highly priceless. The power and along with control I felt cant be put in words.
I really thought this was the ultimate experience, til' I fucked my next girlfriend (now my ex, Like the other *eye roll*). (Excuse my french) Bitch had a ass designed by Picasso himself, I knew of her in her "atheist" student days at Mackenzie. Planning to roast the bitch til the cows came home, silently lil did I know years later I'd end up hoping to give her dick at one point. One thing led to another, relationship failed. Then great aunt passed...She came along, I fell for her. She fell for me. It being very memorable like the relationship before her (Reasons as to why are somewhere in this blog), we spent alot of time that summer together and I do mean ALOT. She wore nothing but thongs and fucking lace panties (omg, Dick getting hard just thinking about it), first time she came to my home tipsy from doing a bottle of Vodka (I think) and getting her weed on with her BFF (Wattup Quiggly!).
Bitch gave me the okie doke, got in..I turned the ac on for her (Bitches love AC). Tried to be the gentleman and watch tv keep up small talk, yet she said she was tired so we retired to my room. Funny thing, I didnt expect her to totally undress like she did to her skiffys like she did, little did I know the bitch slept nude like she came into the world. As we laid in my bed held her with her back to me and laying there her body said two words: “fuck me.” I was like a beast released. I banged her hard and fast, fucked her without respect. All I heard was the noise she made. We grunted and moaned til' we were spent. She put both hands on the floor and raised her butt while we were fuckin' in the bathroom (Which I thoroughly enjoyed) I rushed in and out like it was the finale of my life story. As I recall this now, my dick still stands, a sign this blog must be conclude quickly.
I’ll close with my third memorable fuck memory, I obliged. She bent holding the edge of the bed, I put my dick in her. Hearing that gasp made me feel like a man. Then I was only 18, she started moving against me. Back and forth, up and down left & right. For once I didn’t have to move at all, she fucked me dumb (like 2 ex's after her admittedly). Then I took over, Pulling her hips harshly so she could feel all of me, slapping her ass til it echoed loudly in my mother's living room, ramming her til she started for more.
In all of this, we fucked until her friend who brought her over returned with Chris, and we had to finish the art we were creating called "us as one". We were at it for another hour until them fuck jerks pulled up.
And with that, my mind drifts to those special women and the amazing back shots they let privi to me. And I know I can never put pen to paper again. Someone’s ass will damn sure pay for this article sooner or later. Let’s hope she gets turned on enough after reading this...I miss you ma. (Hopefully she'll know I was talking to her)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
So in the wake of yesterday, I am beginning to get to a point of being uncomfy talking to a woman I am either attached or was attached to. For the fact of maybe, I just do not know if it will work...I mean all actions mean well on my end, always been genuine and sincere. Just that certain things she spazz out on sometime bothers. With that said I really should not let it bother me, since I am used to attracting women with fucked up attitudes. So in case why does it bother Me? Hell if I know, honestly she pissed me off yesterday with what she said. Then I hung up on her, which is rare that I do hang up on women.
So I find myself at a crossroad. What crossroad do I speak of? I'm not going to speak on...not at the moment. Btw blogging from this nook is kinda cool deadass though
So I find myself at a crossroad. What crossroad do I speak of? I'm not going to speak on...not at the moment. Btw blogging from this nook is kinda cool deadass though
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
One day.
Its been a while since I've tried to articulate anything across on my own personal blog since last month, for the fact of I've been enjoying blogging over at TheSingleTrio.wordpress.com which has been a heap of fun. Hopefully it'll open more doors to venture into others blogs, and talk alil more shit than "little bit". Its just as far as my personal blog go, I am on the phone with this honey jawn and she says from the appearance of my blog. As she probably skimmed through some of the things I've shown her, comes across as drama. In which case it probably is, depending on the masses...but who pays them any fucking attention anyway!? Bottom line, the significance of me coming back on my personal blog to say this is.
Unless your willing to read everything on my blog, eat glue & keep your opinion to a minimum. For you've known not what I documented throughout this blog, let alone all of the experiences I've gone through. I had chose not to explain, let alone other things that had been said to or emailed maybe even blogged about. Yet I chose...maybe even felt the slightest bit obligated to open this door. With you not being anything remotely close to relating of the "Bloggin' aspect" I could sit here and try to convey, which case I'm not. I'll pass...I just wanted to say that. That's about it...So off I prance to back to the other blog, with Dilla beats in tow.
Unless your willing to read everything on my blog, eat glue & keep your opinion to a minimum. For you've known not what I documented throughout this blog, let alone all of the experiences I've gone through. I had chose not to explain, let alone other things that had been said to or emailed maybe even blogged about. Yet I chose...maybe even felt the slightest bit obligated to open this door. With you not being anything remotely close to relating of the "Bloggin' aspect" I could sit here and try to convey, which case I'm not. I'll pass...I just wanted to say that. That's about it...So off I prance to back to the other blog, with Dilla beats in tow.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Random Fuck it moment
Wanna be me, you can't you faggot, you bitch
You coward, you clown, you just wanna be down
So you - wanna be me, you bitch, you phony
You clone me, you wanna be me son, I'm the one and only
But you - wanna be me, you suckers, you weak
You flunkies, you fake, you couldn't come close on my worst day
But you - wanna be me, I burn you and learn you a lesson
You coward, you clown, you just wanna be down
So you - wanna be me, you bitch, you phony
You clone me, you wanna be me son, I'm the one and only
But you - wanna be me, you suckers, you weak
You flunkies, you fake, you couldn't come close on my worst day
But you - wanna be me, I burn you and learn you a lesson
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Late Night Thoughts: One thing that subtly bothers me.
So I happen to have a fistful of blogs I've either, Not finished or did not post for certain reasons. Yet given I tend to free some of them, I prefer to sit on them for a long time. In place of freeing them for a certain someone seeing a blog, and going off on a tangent blowing something way out of proportion. Lol given I've been given more time to the other blogsite I am apart of, I enjoy being over there. Gives me more time to actually be on a bigger stage, plus Alicia is part of the reason I fire off alot of blogs over there. So without further a due, here is one of the blogs I tended to have sat on. Now I will be doing remake of this one over at the other blogsite, though this is the original here...speaking about 2 different heart breaks.
The 7 Stages of "Rick Ray's Heartbreak":
I've spoken to a few people about this who mattered in my life at one point and time, and still felt nothing as really accomplished in regards to me freeing that bird. Yet I still feel no bottom-line was reached, Then I often go inside of my dome and talk to myself about everything. I mean who doesnt? Lol if I am the only one fuck you! dont judge me.
I assume it’s safe to say that just all of us have had our hearts broken atleast once. I’m damn sure not talking about your parents telling you that "you’re a big mistake" or a friend bailin' on you that one time when there was a white woman and you were too drunk to make a run for it Lol. Nah, I am talking about failed "I am in love relationship" an the brutal rejection that came with it. It is a very confusing experience, the heartbreak is what I speak of. This is my newest attempt at trying to make sense of it all again.
Stage 1: Denial
Someone had just broken my heart, and I deadass was tight like “This bitch has to be joking” I kept telling myself that this really aint shit. Just a obstacle in my loving love I had and it will pass. It’s very surreal at first, though the cold truth eventually found its way into my head. "It’s over, it is really over." The initial shock kicked in hard. It’s finally over.
Stage 2: Anger
I was then in a constant state of “What the fuck!?” mood. Still making a vital attempt at trying to figure out what the fuck is really happening to me? I was like a rabid rabid (Yes I love that video game) who just lost its Mischievous side. I was going to bite everything. My sole purpose in life at the moment right then was to write angry blog, post emo-filled Facebook status messages and Twitter updates, kick puppies IN THE FUCKING FACE!! Casualties were often took: My friends, My family, countless innocent Internet commentators and so on.
Stage 3: Bargaining
I felt like a terrorist (ALLAHU AHKBAR!!! *Poof*). I tried to wiggle my way out of the situation. I made promises I did not intend on keeping. Suddenly, I was talking to god. Willing to give everything and really do anything for another chance with her. I begged & pleaded much. Jesus Christ, I begged. But of course, I was ultimately DENIED!!
Stage 4: Depression
I posted embarrassing blog entry after entry. I quoted song after song, read poem and watched movies & things we've enjoyed together. I stopped being visible & talking to people. I went back home immediately after hanging with my bro's or just out in general to curl up in a ball, I drug myself out of bed each morning and couldn’t wait to sleep at night. I want to sleep in the dream world forever. I mean it had gotten pretty ugly for me.
This is where things gotten really sad for me leading up to that May. Most would go back to Stage 1 and repeat this whole process over & over & over until one of these 3 things happened to me personally:
-I had fallen out of love and felt she wasn't worth it, With no intent on making up for what she had did.
-I had came to terms with the fact that it probably was never going to work out ever again and it was time to move on to the next stage/person, In which I had did. Prior to losing Mary.
-Then I lost Mary (1/11/11 Happy belated birthday Mary L. Dial) I love you more than ever, and still feel as if I had failed you...Which is another blog for another day.
Stage 5: Acceptance
I had managed to get out of the Stages 1-4 repeating like a favorite song, I finally accepted fate. I realized that there was nothing wrong in giving up hope on someone that called me destructive to their being. It was OK to quit, I’d still be legit. I fought for my feelings and you lost terribly. All is fair in Love and War, I learned the hard way... It was time to start the healing process, with the new woman who had came along. Like she silently snuck her big booty ass in the back door..
Stage 6: Her...
This is sort of an extension of Stage 5. I’ve made peace with my broken heart but I was still wondering...if I should give one last try. In which I did, I heavily considered that possibility (twice over, ask about the kisses) but I eventually decide against it. I just went on to rock with the big booty zilla and wash away all the negativity of the whole past experience & I celebrated the good times of old, with new. I opened my heart and realized our love was true (I dont know why I am admitting it now...Though it was). I had gotten hurt but it’s time for me to move on.
Stage 7: The New Beginning!
At that point, my heartbreak was history. I was now ready to get back in the game with a new ass I was pounding and a revitalized soul. I was looking forward to finding paradise once more with the new woman. I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to go through "Heartbreak Hell" all over again.
But of course, I did. all because of? Look for me on the other blogsite for those that know of it... To see what happened...Thank you.
The 7 Stages of "Rick Ray's Heartbreak":
I've spoken to a few people about this who mattered in my life at one point and time, and still felt nothing as really accomplished in regards to me freeing that bird. Yet I still feel no bottom-line was reached, Then I often go inside of my dome and talk to myself about everything. I mean who doesnt? Lol if I am the only one fuck you! dont judge me.
I assume it’s safe to say that just all of us have had our hearts broken atleast once. I’m damn sure not talking about your parents telling you that "you’re a big mistake" or a friend bailin' on you that one time when there was a white woman and you were too drunk to make a run for it Lol. Nah, I am talking about failed "I am in love relationship" an the brutal rejection that came with it. It is a very confusing experience, the heartbreak is what I speak of. This is my newest attempt at trying to make sense of it all again.
Stage 1: Denial
Someone had just broken my heart, and I deadass was tight like “This bitch has to be joking” I kept telling myself that this really aint shit. Just a obstacle in my loving love I had and it will pass. It’s very surreal at first, though the cold truth eventually found its way into my head. "It’s over, it is really over." The initial shock kicked in hard. It’s finally over.
Stage 2: Anger
I was then in a constant state of “What the fuck!?” mood. Still making a vital attempt at trying to figure out what the fuck is really happening to me? I was like a rabid rabid (Yes I love that video game) who just lost its Mischievous side. I was going to bite everything. My sole purpose in life at the moment right then was to write angry blog, post emo-filled Facebook status messages and Twitter updates, kick puppies IN THE FUCKING FACE!! Casualties were often took: My friends, My family, countless innocent Internet commentators and so on.
Stage 3: Bargaining
I felt like a terrorist (ALLAHU AHKBAR!!! *Poof*). I tried to wiggle my way out of the situation. I made promises I did not intend on keeping. Suddenly, I was talking to god. Willing to give everything and really do anything for another chance with her. I begged & pleaded much. Jesus Christ, I begged. But of course, I was ultimately DENIED!!
Stage 4: Depression
I posted embarrassing blog entry after entry. I quoted song after song, read poem and watched movies & things we've enjoyed together. I stopped being visible & talking to people. I went back home immediately after hanging with my bro's or just out in general to curl up in a ball, I drug myself out of bed each morning and couldn’t wait to sleep at night. I want to sleep in the dream world forever. I mean it had gotten pretty ugly for me.
This is where things gotten really sad for me leading up to that May. Most would go back to Stage 1 and repeat this whole process over & over & over until one of these 3 things happened to me personally:
-I had fallen out of love and felt she wasn't worth it, With no intent on making up for what she had did.
-I had came to terms with the fact that it probably was never going to work out ever again and it was time to move on to the next stage/person, In which I had did. Prior to losing Mary.
-Then I lost Mary (1/11/11 Happy belated birthday Mary L. Dial) I love you more than ever, and still feel as if I had failed you...Which is another blog for another day.
Stage 5: Acceptance
I had managed to get out of the Stages 1-4 repeating like a favorite song, I finally accepted fate. I realized that there was nothing wrong in giving up hope on someone that called me destructive to their being. It was OK to quit, I’d still be legit. I fought for my feelings and you lost terribly. All is fair in Love and War, I learned the hard way... It was time to start the healing process, with the new woman who had came along. Like she silently snuck her big booty ass in the back door..
Stage 6: Her...
This is sort of an extension of Stage 5. I’ve made peace with my broken heart but I was still wondering...if I should give one last try. In which I did, I heavily considered that possibility (twice over, ask about the kisses) but I eventually decide against it. I just went on to rock with the big booty zilla and wash away all the negativity of the whole past experience & I celebrated the good times of old, with new. I opened my heart and realized our love was true (I dont know why I am admitting it now...Though it was). I had gotten hurt but it’s time for me to move on.
Stage 7: The New Beginning!
At that point, my heartbreak was history. I was now ready to get back in the game with a new ass I was pounding and a revitalized soul. I was looking forward to finding paradise once more with the new woman. I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to go through "Heartbreak Hell" all over again.
But of course, I did. all because of? Look for me on the other blogsite for those that know of it... To see what happened...Thank you.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Memory lanes.
08' Had a reflection of what was attempted while she was reading that, Talk about reliving favorite/past memories. IT GOT WET!!!!!
One more relived past memories, They say you can reflect on the things that were...An outside of the terrible things. Ummm I relive them, I aint afraid to admit it....
Then moving on to Summer 09's Memories...
*sighs* Damn you, lol I cannot ever look at this song the same again.
An to you, that one night in the middle of the summer no one knows about...Only me and you...an the next song below.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
What I thought before I shut that door.
The sight I see is the view of me in the reflection of you. And I don’t like what I see in you…So why would I want to be with you, if you can’t see what you’re supposed to see in me…
Friday, January 14, 2011
In My Defense
I had a dream I was fucking unprotected, dream ended up right as I nestled my nose in to her neck to inhale her scent. Rose up just before I caught a nut, still wiping eye boogers from my eyes.
Checked my phone for some odd ass reason I hoped to see a text from a particular ex, nodded my head thinking in the back of my mind thinking "Why the fuck I always go out like this?".
7:08AM thinking about love is everything, something stays missing from my life. I still feel like I lost the only person who loved me unconditionally, So I seek the temporary love that comes with lust.
That's a bitch move, None the less it'll probably be a girl I could just fuck with next. Wont even stress it, with this picture stuck in my mind realized that this is bullshit put in my plan.
Lonely thoughts will never listen, such as the competitor in the pursuit of living large cutting all of the insecurities off. I swear I have grown to a "T" progression tends to be known as the biggest enemy, yet I dont stress it.
With blogs like this I always leave a minor piece of me. Why the fuck am I so honest? I should change paths on them, hate me cause' I am liar. Wondering if I'll ever grow into the vision I envision for myself, while maintaining some sort of stable health. Just in case your wondering? This is always in my defense....
Yea...Woke up from a nightmare, lonely. In the dark...again, Just happen to need to vent that out..Call it a poem if you like.
Checked my phone for some odd ass reason I hoped to see a text from a particular ex, nodded my head thinking in the back of my mind thinking "Why the fuck I always go out like this?".
7:08AM thinking about love is everything, something stays missing from my life. I still feel like I lost the only person who loved me unconditionally, So I seek the temporary love that comes with lust.
That's a bitch move, None the less it'll probably be a girl I could just fuck with next. Wont even stress it, with this picture stuck in my mind realized that this is bullshit put in my plan.
Lonely thoughts will never listen, such as the competitor in the pursuit of living large cutting all of the insecurities off. I swear I have grown to a "T" progression tends to be known as the biggest enemy, yet I dont stress it.
With blogs like this I always leave a minor piece of me. Why the fuck am I so honest? I should change paths on them, hate me cause' I am liar. Wondering if I'll ever grow into the vision I envision for myself, while maintaining some sort of stable health. Just in case your wondering? This is always in my defense....
Yea...Woke up from a nightmare, lonely. In the dark...again, Just happen to need to vent that out..Call it a poem if you like.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Day 30: Who are you?
Who am I? I am Rick Ray, A nobody who intends to be somebody if I have to say the minimum. Though I never really care about being someone, well atleast to the world. Just to the key few who could possibly view me as something, or even someone to be totally honest. I am also someone who has forgotten to care about just about everyone, along with overcoming a lot of the things that were probably self inflicted from dumb decision making. Yet I believe it is just me being human, Overcoming the obstacles of life I guess. I'm no expert at one thing, nor will I ever be. So where does that possibly leave me? Shit, I could throw you a idea. Though there is some out there who could careless given I've shown you otherwise along with growth, lol even a little more maturity depends on how you feel.
I often battled with a lot of things over the last 2yrs, 3 if you count the beginning of this one. Which I've made it this far, I've came to terms with a lot of things. An learned a lot in the process, rather it is dealing with the nobodies. Or the women who meant nothing for me, Yet I tried dearly to feign feelings or some sort of emotions to bed then down. An honestly admitting that the only meaningful relationships I've been in since I've been over 21 happen to been in between 08...then right back again in 09. So all the other ones I've been with in afterwards did not mean a damn thing, yet here I go opening up myself up to a point of vulnerability. Which kinda drew out that newly formed defense mechanism of mines, Which grew a heart colder. In the same sense take things of myself as far as emotions, and feeling be less likely given. Yet it doesnt feel like me, though I may force myself to become used to it. Then again I may not, I am not totally sure. With the fact of is, I'll just deal with and play it out to the best of its ability. an speak alil more about some spoken word lol still no poet this way. never have never will be...
Have you ever a picture you held in your mind? An over time the circumstances made you feel like dying? With passion that was truly divine? To Realize you worked so hard, still didnt make it that far. Though love is everything so you push to break that barrier? Gotta understand the corruption in your mind in due time.
I had more to share, but hey its all I had to give you for the last day. So in the end I am Rick Ray, and you should get to know me or enjoy the blog more. Try to find me at the other blogsite I am apart of, and You'll still see and hear from more of me on my own blog site. Thank you for toughing it out with me for this 30-day blog challenge. An to Alicia B, Thanks for coming back to the blog. I'll make sure it is worth your time, I feel like your my lil bloggin protege...Deadass though.
I often battled with a lot of things over the last 2yrs, 3 if you count the beginning of this one. Which I've made it this far, I've came to terms with a lot of things. An learned a lot in the process, rather it is dealing with the nobodies. Or the women who meant nothing for me, Yet I tried dearly to feign feelings or some sort of emotions to bed then down. An honestly admitting that the only meaningful relationships I've been in since I've been over 21 happen to been in between 08...then right back again in 09. So all the other ones I've been with in afterwards did not mean a damn thing, yet here I go opening up myself up to a point of vulnerability. Which kinda drew out that newly formed defense mechanism of mines, Which grew a heart colder. In the same sense take things of myself as far as emotions, and feeling be less likely given. Yet it doesnt feel like me, though I may force myself to become used to it. Then again I may not, I am not totally sure. With the fact of is, I'll just deal with and play it out to the best of its ability. an speak alil more about some spoken word lol still no poet this way. never have never will be...
Have you ever a picture you held in your mind? An over time the circumstances made you feel like dying? With passion that was truly divine? To Realize you worked so hard, still didnt make it that far. Though love is everything so you push to break that barrier? Gotta understand the corruption in your mind in due time.
I had more to share, but hey its all I had to give you for the last day. So in the end I am Rick Ray, and you should get to know me or enjoy the blog more. Try to find me at the other blogsite I am apart of, and You'll still see and hear from more of me on my own blog site. Thank you for toughing it out with me for this 30-day blog challenge. An to Alicia B, Thanks for coming back to the blog. I'll make sure it is worth your time, I feel like your my lil bloggin protege...Deadass though.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Day 29: Future plans/goals.
Deadass though, I'm not going to speak too much on the goals. Some of my future plans are to maintain the place of my own, So many ways that could be twisted. I've made it thus far, So I refuse to show gratitude. Just live this year as another hour to hour basis... and with this being the 2nd to last blog with this "Blog challenge" here is an excerpt from it.
"Have you ever a picture you held in your mind? An over time the circumstances made you feel like dying? With passion that was truly divine? To Realize you worked so hard, still didnt make it that far. Though love is everything so you push to break that barrier? Gotta understand the corruption in your mind in due time."
"Have you ever a picture you held in your mind? An over time the circumstances made you feel like dying? With passion that was truly divine? To Realize you worked so hard, still didnt make it that far. Though love is everything so you push to break that barrier? Gotta understand the corruption in your mind in due time."
Friday, January 7, 2011
Day 28: What attracts you to someone.
Um it would be personality mostly, alil of fashion. More so how we click as a item, and music choices. I would make it longer but I've been lazy since I've been on the other blogsite.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Day 27: Your fashion style.
My fashion style consists of alil of everything, from Chino's to cargo pants. Different type/cut of jeans, lil bit of graphic tee's with some plain tee's. Crewneck sweaters, Argyle Sweaters... V'necks tee's and sweatshirts. Sweatpants (Favs)...Footwear goes from timb'z, Dunks (Favs) Vans, Supras, Nike Air Max Griffey's. Rt1's, Vandals...alil of everything.. My most recent are the Nike Toki ND's chukka's them are quiet comfy, I will say props to those who helped me find what I like. I dont just fall into one specific category...I mostly just enjoy accessories with plain things.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Day 26: First 10 songs to play on shuffle on your iPod.
1.)The Cool Kids - Good Afternoon
2.)Wasiu M. Branton - Time Out (A Tribute To Boon Doc)
3.)Royce Da 5'9" - Gun Music
4.)Ludacris - Hardtimes
5.)The Ramones - I'm Not Jesus
6.)Asher Roth - F*ck Your Ringtone
7.)The Clash - Know Your Rights
8.)Jimi Hendrix - Hound Dog
9.)LL Cool J - Jingling Baby
10.)Billie Holiday - Discussion (Life On The Verve Mix)
2.)Wasiu M. Branton - Time Out (A Tribute To Boon Doc)
3.)Royce Da 5'9" - Gun Music
4.)Ludacris - Hardtimes
5.)The Ramones - I'm Not Jesus
6.)Asher Roth - F*ck Your Ringtone
7.)The Clash - Know Your Rights
8.)Jimi Hendrix - Hound Dog
9.)LL Cool J - Jingling Baby
10.)Billie Holiday - Discussion (Life On The Verve Mix)
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Day 25: How you found out about blogging & why you made one.
How did I find out about blogging?
I had always been a writer, rather it was in my journal for school (yes I had taken writing classes. Seemingly excelled at it for a good lil minute) and I had a myspace. Just like everyone else in the world, I needed another channel to vent my anger. Along with letting friends or complete strangers who might care to see if someone else world could be worse than their own, even maybe better to know there could be light at the end of a dark tunnel. An back in 06' me and the Fam(ilia) Royale crew shared 2 5 subject notebooks that I had named "In My mind" & "Yellow6", I dont even know how we lost those things but I miss it. Those had quite the memories, along with memories I probably forgot.
Why Did I make a blog?
Just because is was something not alot of people were doing, and it garnered me attention as it still does til this very day. An seemingly I never knew there were few people I associate myself with that actually look forward to seeing my blog. or a post from else where, So Alicia B. I thank you for keeping me on my bloggin P's & Q's mamio. and seemingly, there is only about 5days left of this blogging challenge. Now I look back at it...it blew by quickly.
I had always been a writer, rather it was in my journal for school (yes I had taken writing classes. Seemingly excelled at it for a good lil minute) and I had a myspace. Just like everyone else in the world, I needed another channel to vent my anger. Along with letting friends or complete strangers who might care to see if someone else world could be worse than their own, even maybe better to know there could be light at the end of a dark tunnel. An back in 06' me and the Fam(ilia) Royale crew shared 2 5 subject notebooks that I had named "In My mind" & "Yellow6", I dont even know how we lost those things but I miss it. Those had quite the memories, along with memories I probably forgot.
Why Did I make a blog?
Just because is was something not alot of people were doing, and it garnered me attention as it still does til this very day. An seemingly I never knew there were few people I associate myself with that actually look forward to seeing my blog. or a post from else where, So Alicia B. I thank you for keeping me on my bloggin P's & Q's mamio. and seemingly, there is only about 5days left of this blogging challenge. Now I look back at it...it blew by quickly.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Day 23: What you would find in my bag
Depends on what bag you may see me with, you would typically find my wallet. Along with deodorant, maybe hoop shorts, jeans tshirt. and so on. thats about it though nothing more.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Day 22: Your Nicknames & Why You Have Them
Ric- The last 3 letters of my gov. name
Sincere- is one of my producer names I went by, and my grandfather used to address me by it.
Manz- is a family nickname I really do not even know the origin of it, though I thought it was my actual name for a long time coming up as a lil kid.
Sincere- is one of my producer names I went by, and my grandfather used to address me by it.
Manz- is a family nickname I really do not even know the origin of it, though I thought it was my actual name for a long time coming up as a lil kid.
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