A good friend of mine told me that I would've been the perfect guy, if ever I looked in the mirror and thought about changing my ways. She said I should start by being kind to people, Yet I'm already that. I often kind to those every chance I get so when my name is brought up, it is with something associated with kindness (Or bitterness depending on the subject.)
Kind, what does that really mean? To be caring against other people? To care, Sounds about right!?
A couple of years ago, I had been really hurt. I’m not gonna go into details about it, but it was because of a under 6month long relationship with a girl that ended badly (not once but twice, Which leaves room for you to dig or wonder who I am talking about.). After that I swore myself never to fall in love again and never to be weak, easily hurt. So I put up my defense mechanism.
I can honestly admit I honestly have not been in love with a new woman, Since 09'. That goes alot of ways, Given I'm still in love with someone. (See What I did there? Why yes, Yes you did...Its more to dig if you see me away from the keyboard.)
I thought that by being subtly arrogant, non-judgmental, rude and (somewhat) heartless I would look stronger and do better in this life. But it doesnt fully work. Instead I thought about alienating my friends for the chance of meeting new people. Whenever I met a new girl (Whenever I do), I'll date her for a lil' while. Then I'll aim to find something wrong with her because I’m kind of gifted at finding something I don’t like the most in a woman (Yet I just continue, sometimes because its better than singing 'Rihanna - So hard' in the shower).
All these wonderful, beautiful, amazing, intelligent girls that I let go because of me wanting you for whatever fucking reason...along with the possibly ignorant way of looking at the world and people. I never thought that I’m not perfect either (Sometimes). All of us have faults and unfortunately, I am no exception..I'm aware of that. Now I never regret not being the perfect guy for these women, I rather be something like it to just one. I never tell them this and how I really feel about them, I just explained myself out of talking about it.
Eventually I have to take down the defense mechanism and let other people in. I have to be a kinder person, more thoughtful and caring hopefully. Also I’ve understood is this, the fact of me being a gentle human being, doesn’t make me a weaker one atleast to my own eyes. Though she tells me I'm nothing in just about everything that comes out of her mouth
Wow, this is too deep for a Thursday right!?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment