Before Bed...

The minute I mention the name "Now&4ever" the same minute, she comes along rapping. I wonder if I fried,died cried and went to hell or Jail or 6feet under. Would anyone care or wonder? or would that love I so longer for....Goodnight..

I wanted To Blog..But this will suffice I hope you get the picture I was painting

lmao....Now&4Ever....Herbs...

No Ammo....

Ok, so me and my godmother was having a conversation today. The topic was of myself, along with how I feel for women. More so "Falling" if you will, I mean she was talking some mean (Honest) shit though. We agree to disagree, I mean yes I do get "attached" easily. Which I do not see as an issue, Yet the "falling" part...I mean I see where she was coming from, then again it is not really falling. depending on the category or context you are speaking in when it comes to me, Like really though. Given the last few women issues, I could see...Nashelle: Could've happened, could've grown in to something. If the nigga was not too insecure or having low self-esteem issues. Ash: That nigga is a nut case of her own, in her own little right. Then not to mention, I almost completed the "3'o Trio". In other words, I would've been the 3rd nigga or 3rd Ex who used to date Rachele and ended up meeting Ash. Funny thing about that, Is the chick was crazy, like seriously and that is alot coming from me. Cause I've dealt with crazy before and she needs help in like a asylum matter, Fast. Umm outside of them there were no one else, If there was. They've been neglected for me not to mention... I would elab more but my shower is calling me....So Adios....

And To You Miss "Visitor From Grosse Pointe, Michigan", along with the visitor from "Westland,Michigan" Both of you are running Apples OS and seeing this on Safari and or MOzilla so leave a comment. and understand if you are who i assume you are, I did not hoe you so chill....

Music (Intro)

Okay,okay,okay,okay...OKAY!! So we have reached the conclusion, or shall I say beginning of something that I've spent using as a channel of release. Am I glad to bring it to its own conclusion? No, as it will bring further blogs along with more things, That i will be trying to get more possible thoughts or more issues with self articulated. So I will not feel as crazy, thank god for music. Along with the artist's I keep in rotation, Deadass though. I honestly have not been lost into a lot of new music, Due to the fact I still listen to the same things that got me through some of the times where I feared alot of things. An with that said I just thank the musical presence or appreciation I've garnered over the time being.

I mean I could sit here and go on & on, about all the times I had music. Or I could sit here and talk about recent times when I thought no one cared, But why? For what? I mean it'll make me feel better. Yes, indeed. Though I really have come to the realization that, I will never trust a female as I previously did. Why? because it brings you one of two things, Obsession Or Depression. Which in case may not be true, I will agree while I beg to differ. Due to the recent disappointments I've endured, and Yes! To those who have known what I have spoken about, To catch those up to speed. I recently received request from both of my ex's, Not calling no names. Though I did accept one and ignored the other, Why? I wish I knew. I mean I asked one of my other ex's who reached out to me and made sure I was not completely fucking crazy, or close to suicidal. Which I, like everyone else has had those thoughts of making life a light thought. Asked me and I quote not her exact words but something close to,(Copy & Pasted From FB Message):


"Did (Insert Ex's name here) not get you for everything you practically owned? or brought with you? Yet your attempting to end whatever bad blood between ya'll? Did you not learn your lesson when you went out of your way to prove (Insert other ex's name here) wrong!? I understand closure is something you are seeking, Or even wanting rekindle a friendship or possible relationship of some sort. Personally Rick, I do not support that choice. Let alone you thinking of anyone of your ex's, me included. Though I care about you as a friend, And very incline to us becoming bff's. I do not, refuse to see you as you were a few months ago. You lost track of time, And alot of other things that came behind that. So please with whatever you decision is I advise this: Please do not set yourself up for failure of any type. It is bad enough Ruby stopped fucking with you for whatever reason, And Now you and Kandis barely speak now. Which I like some of your other ex's are probably jumping for joy, That Ashley woman was crazy. An you lost more of your belongings, even though it was just a shirt. It was a bday you raised complete hell about, So please, please, please, I reiterate...Do not under any circumstance set yourself up for failure. Or Indulge in anything with your heart, because it is bound to be spat upon again."

I read that over, and over. An seriously tried to think about what to do or not to do, Though I went with my first judgment. An accepted, now what or where this is to go. How the fuck do I know? Hell I barely trust women now, and that is not even based off of the other women from my past. Just the fact I feel Heart in something, brings you bad things. That or I am just maybe still "INcomplete" without her or those two, hell even maybe the others. Though do keep in mind, "INcomplete" will be a series compared to "Every GF's Worse Nightmare" . Deadass though, If you vibe with me or some of the music I listen to, think of it as "Cinematic Hallucinations" or "Well Isnt This Awkward" along with "Well This Isnt Awkward" Deadass though. This is what I compared "Every GF's Worse Nightmare" and now it will be "INcomplete" title subject to change, So keep rocking with me. An We'll get to the point of what I will be trying to articulate.


How I felt/Feel







Dig Me?...No Matter The Weather, Maybe I am the stupid one...

Deadass though: Personal note.

I would like to personally thank every last person, whom either stops by. Maybe Reads, Or hell just to give me another hit on this fucking page. Though Honestly I do this to exorcise my demons, or heartbreaks. Maybe play me the 808's with it...seriously though, Feel me. If you ever any need anything or anyone, or feel like your life is shitty. Hey! Read my blog and maybe just maybe my life may be worse than yours according to the date or the story given in the blogs...Laters people...R.Ray

Loser

Deadass the day that was now in the past, Was Azidula's Bday (Throwback nickname though). I wanted to call her...But chose not to. Wanted to text her...I didnt...I wanted to send her a FB message...I Passed. Too many thoughts and past memories associated with all of that, I would assume this is my way of saying "Happy bday" or maybe "Happy belated". Either which way, I was trying to wait on more of a reason to try and hold off on doing this blog. For the fact of after this I'll be at the intro, I'll be Reintroducing myself. Maybe not, then again I dunno. I've been thinking alot of the...I was bout to say the last "2" women in my life, then I'd be lying. But the for those who know me know which 2 I'd be speaking of.


Also I've like really been thinking, more so trying to not contend the thoughts of the child that could've been. Knowingly it is still a sensitive topic, even after knowing that if the child (Boy/Girl Pref. Girl)would've been born. 9 out of 10 it probably would've been less likely mines, Now that I feel sorta comfy enough to divulge such sensitive information. I still dwell on that every fucking day, not that it is to be cared for by you the reader (Whoever the fuck you are). I mean there are reasons I did write this blog, Then they are not. Though who is to argue?

(As Continued On 7/23/10)

Like Deadass though, I had a great day. I got to go on a field trip to the Detroit "Diamond Jack (Or Belle)" Whichever the fucking name of it is, I got to chaperon both my babes Alicia and Kobes. Also one of Kobe's Classmate Deyshawn, He was very reminding of myself at 5. Chipper lil duder, fun loving yet I watched him say "what up" to most of the kids. Yet he seemed, alil self-reserved. You know...one of those kids who learned how to entertain themselves when not interacting with other children. Yah mean? I would really love to make this blog longer, but I havent really been feeling like blogging. Let alone touching on some of the topics I touched on, but hey it is what it is. I visited some things on FB as far as my past FB Status' and Check'em Out below. I still feel some type of way...


"Sincere Ray Is Silently Cryin His Eye Balls Out, On Mothers Day I Wish I Could've Been Holding Her And Crying Into Her Arms (She's Only Like 5'5" Or So) Only Because Of What Could've Been Never Happened After She Talked Me Into Being Honestly Being @ Parent Teacher Nite And I'm not the Kid Get It?" (May 10th 2009)

"Sincere Ray Is Off On Some New Shit....Like Mentally Rocked...Stability Lost...Why I'd Have To See That...R.I.P. Mary Dial...You Are Loved And A Blessing To Me More Than Personally"(May 24th 2009)

"Feelin better, i am still high off love while in love. Your dig? I hope mrs ray still feels equally the same" (December 11th 2009)


Music...Told Me She Loved Me, She's My Baby...My Supersonic Baby...

She's So High

I am like deadass sleepy, all the while kind of agitated. In the worst way, but before I go any further. HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY TO MY UNCLE'S BABY CHICKY WING!! Now like I was saying, I did not have intentions on blogging, due to the fact I'd be feeling some type of way after I probably post this. Thinking I probably forced this blog, since I am coming to the ending. Yet, beginning of this series. Its served its purpose, allowing me to vent as much as possible. According to my own issues, that have been mentally flogging me. I've been as distant as possible from my blog, an seemingly it has. Then again not really worked, but oh well. It is what it is yo,I've been thinking to one's self. Maybe I have fallen, Then again I have not. I know the full answer behind that, So I know which it is. Though you as my reader may wonder for who? Lmao its funny how a month or 2 of chemistry can make you feel attached. Or the thought of trying to seek Unconditional love, I want to believe I've stumbled upon it. Yet what do I have to offer one in return for this unconditional love? None of the last 3-5 women I've dealt with had it for me, or probably gave me the impression. Maybe, just maybe I've allowed myself to give myself that mirage of unconditional love. Though I sit back and observe most relationships, and see the struggles these people go through and attempt to try it again. As in others they just cut all ties, Which is something I do not nor choose not to understand. I would assume that is because I'm a very emotional dude myself, Yes...I could've kept those 2cents in my pocket. Then again every woman I encounter seemingly notices that about me, and the fact I do not like to be alone. Which in its own right is deadass true, So why? I only could tell you and probably confuse you more than I'll confuse my damnself. So if only the right person would listen, Then again....I know i have the right outlets I just choose not to utilize them. I treat those as my very last options to exercise just in case it comes to a breaking point. Though I know I'm notorious for putting women on a pedastal yet, it backfires on me. As in the 2 key relationships I've been in over the course of 2 years, Only thing It's brought me was pain and slight obsession along with depression in to it. The story always get bent up, lol I'm not afraid to admit that rather it was my end or others. Some was self inflicted, others was mandatory to take in order to push ones bounds and limits. Though I'm ending this blog on a early note due to sleepiness, The Music will always be where I leave it. In need of a conversation....Rosado Out...

Voices...

Just checkin' in from dream land, Or should I say something "The Life After". Not on no death type ish though, But you dont hear me though. I just want a little bit more, now disregard that last statement. Its only few who can catch that or fully piss their pants from that, But just to let you know there is so many things I'd like to say to you. Though we cant be face to face, I would rather keep it to myself than leave a comment on your blog. Knowingly I swore I owed you many apologies I've declared left & right, Just exile certain things I will do just to let you know I think about you. Happen to seen a few pics of you on facebook, very pissed I lost your contextuality (Learn to use your own context clues here). Also I heard stories of the encounters, with the gang. Yet it still hurts, talk about a closed yet open wound. I'd normally be thinking about what next to do for the next day, given I've gotten everything together to re approach you. Yet it was done in vain, Truth when its thought its never for me. It was for us...No longer a obtainable reality, I guess I'll just go off into the night again quietly.

As for the next lady, I'm not even gone front like I do not think about you more often than not. I mean shit...Honestly there are things I subliminally cling to every living day, I should've been let go in such a way I'd rid myself of your face. An I recently seen pictures of you, As in like the last 3 or so hours. I will admit you win, The hair battle. Knew it was bound to happen, but fuck it 2 tears in the bucket. I'm mad to not be one there to see it in person, but what can one say? and/or think? Why do I still think of you? Hell if I knew, if I did I wouldnt be sitting here posing my ownself this question. I Doubt It'll get your approval, Since you'd be swearing up an down I'm back to making a notion for your attention. Deadass though, I'm not. Just want to try to stay true to the things, I said I'd stay true to in my own little world and the duder above. So just know when I can, or time allows. I still watch and listen while checking for you. Also "Every Ex Girlfriends Nightmare" Will be picking back up, Title change though. It might be "INcomplete: Wan Lickle Bit Mwore" <~ Say it with a Jamaican accent. I stay looking at "Someladyblogspotwebsite.com" (Decipher if you dare Noman) Subliminal.

Next in line, That bastard of a woman who has probably thrown my T-shirts away. "Pause, nigga fuck you!"....Enough said. If you'd listen to the music I played for you while taking my hair down, you'd know what song that came from. I have still a heavy resentment for you, far from a regret though. You turned out to make another Ex of mines truth come to life, also some of the people who surrounded you in HS come right. I should've questioned...or let those ear hustlers tell me what I shouldnt have jumped into. Your still reachable in your own world, but as far as mines...You've been dubbed one who is bitter to a point of acting as if your high horse will come crashing, and when it does I wish I am one to be there to point and laugh while you linger in a puddle of your own fears and tears. Dig it?

And lastly I'll elaborate on you going into my next blog post, because I'm sleepy to the point of feeling high. Yet you, I'll just say "She's So High". Endearment will be bringing us to end game of the following blog titles from my fav album/mixtape, Still know not of what I blog? No? Just continue to search for the lavalamp. Or just wait for the credits or music to start playing. (Chu Know! WORKINONIT!!) Donuts baby madd Glaze....You know hear me though. I think you should leave a compliment, oops maybe a comment. Either or....Fuck it...Lickle bit mwore please. Harlemtonius Domingo Out...