To Whom it may concern, Letters from ShinJuku.

It is very important for me to express to you how much you really meant to me. I honestly wish I could've did these things in person while holding you in my embrace and running my fingers through your hair. Since we have been physically separated by miles of emptiness, this form of expression must come in the form of a series of blogs such as this.

To whom it may concern knowingly you know this is for you, I know it is far difficult for you, as it is not for me, to be separated for so long, then again I'm used to it. Life is always full of trials of this type which is set to test our inner strength, also more importantly, our devotion and loyalty & love for one another. After all, it's said that this "True Love" bullshit is boundless and immeasurable and tends to overcomes all forms of adversity. In reality, if it is genuine (which case it is proven not. Even after this so called friendship you swindled me into believing.), it will grow stronger with each assault upon its existence. I cherish any thought of you, along any memory of you/us that rose from the depths of my mind, and live for the day when our physical separation will no longer be. Which will seem like never, and I'm starting to become just fine with that. Since I let my animosity subside for you, just to have it come rushing back to the things you said and asked of me.

Until that moment arrives, I send to you across the miles, my tender love, my warm embrace, and my most passionate kiss. One last time, in the most friendliest angriest way possible....For the record, I should've listened. Though me feeling like no one else dealt in our ways but us make this by far worse, and even greater gain for you right?

So again...

I've been lost from the blog, like where have I been? Honestly, just away from blogging. We all know it is one of my first loves, I am utterly dedicated to just I've been lost in a bunch of thoughts. Situations and running...from someone, though it hurts.

At this rate, from my experience. Growing up means hitting rock bottom and realizing that after a heartfelt apology from one you are still in love with. Shows the universe is not interested in your own existence. This realization shows I somewhat have a good head on my shoulders and some what of a kind heart, will make me want to draw the world that is cold closer to me and embrace it. Though life in general is a unfaithful lover who I try to be nice to, so she does know that the trust I put into should be given back.

I contemplate these words again and you ask yourself if it is what you really want to do, I have no problem risking everything & everybody. Do you think you could do the same? I concluded that I do because as much as the experience of being brought down to my knees again by a woman is very profound and life changing. Trust me I hope someone understands, I dont want to be excruciatingly lonely. I trust that I share this with the rest of us world people. Now you know, why I havent really been blogging. Or more so just vacationing alil longer...See me at my other blog I am apart of... @ thesingletrio.wordpress.com

It would take for me to read someone else blog.

For me to remember I have one of my own, I havent been to friendly with. Given I've strayed away from it for a while, the reason as to why? I mean honestly, I've been dealing with alot. From still dealing with my Ex (yes she is lingering around like a terrible fart, that you let out while in your own personal space.) to me just being down right fearful and indecisive about why I allow her to do the things she does, rather it is leading me on. Or just making me plainly feel fucking stupid, to be frank about it.

I mean do not get me wrong in the least bit, I still love her. Still in love with her, but what does that mean in her eyes? Nothing, right? Right...Deadass though, then its numerous things she does the bothers me. Though I am not going to leave those complaints here on my blog, as of yet I will say this. I'm so fearful of fucking around with someone new that it is kind of irritating/depressing all at once.

Then there are a few women who have been around, that have either taken notice to the fact I am publicly up my ex's ass. Or trying to see why or what she has they dont for me to be spending so much time, or punkass tweet time about.

For example:

Chocobunny: Very great friend, very observant. Kinda really fooled me that I assumed she was more naive than she had led me on to believe, We've had countless conversations about why I am the way I am with this particular ex. Then come to find out she is also dedicated to a person herself, The joys of bonding and learning people I tell ya. Deadass though, that and its refreshing to have a certified good friend you know that'll actually observe you and REMEMBER the things they learn. So its quite refreshing to know someone still gives a fuck about other people...

Then there is "Q-Baby" she's been around for about 3-4years also watched me go through those defining relationships, that made me fearful of being in a relationship. I deadass knew she always had a thing for me, but she stepped out on good faith to let me know she really diggin' me. along with telling me she wants to claim my heart, then it was like whooaaaa. I Really like clutched my heart like my nuts, had to think about that for a second. I mean I'd be cool with sharing a piece of it, but the whole fucking thing? Nooooooo, Not me. Sorry, if you wanna stick around in hopes of something surfacing. Power to you, but I dont want you to go all in on this one bet. If you leave, in which case is most likely to happen. I'll still be the friend I've been over the years...

Then there is D.Lovely, she is ok. 5 year age difference between us, Sooo I am really attempting to defer her. One I dont really care for anything that is beyond 2 yrs younger than me, Not even for sex (Blame that on my godparents for drilling that into my dome as I was younger). She has had a very troubled past, which makes me want to comfort her. Though I feel as if I cant, more so not going to comfort her. Since all my comfort was left for that particular ex, which bothers me to a point but I digress.

In which case those are the following i've been dealing with for about the last 2 weeks of my damned existence, I'd really be less pissed if I was to be fucking...But I'm not...Who's pussy do I have to snatch off for some sex? shit...sexual frustration is a bitch.