1. Barbara Walters
Insomnia, depression, getting over your problems by talking.
2. Three Pound Bullet
Dealing with the "elephant in the room" factor.
3. Ghosts
The paranormal paranoia.
4. Post-Lynching Ceremony
Racism
5. All Alone
Teen depression/suicide
6. Cable in the Classroom
A general response to the question "how".
7. Baby
The innocence in being an artist.
8. Reminder
Putting rage in perspective.
9. Tears of Fire
Saying goodbye to the pain that holds one back.
10. Long Socks
The universal friendship bracelet for all people lucky enough to have one.
11. Rosado
A dedication to the color of life.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Come Back To You
If you have not caught on to what I am doing as far as the titles of my blogs as of lately, They tie into one of my fav albums/mixtapes. So they all have relevance as in to what i am saying, Well...Some of it. Outside of that I hit up Ruby's BBQ with Her and her peoples, Kandis was there also. Like deadass both that bbq and those two made my day, Plus me and Ruby's Bouncer buddy Kobe was kicking ass playing spades until her momma got back on. I must admit that old lady got some game on her and a mouthpiece (No Sex Joke), Not only did she come back and kick my ass not once but twice but three damn times. An told me about myself while doing it, hilarious. I'll get her ass back next time I see her, Outside of that I enjoyed my time over there. The damn grilled chicken was on point, I would've had a beer but there was no corona in sight. I came back to from the cloud of awsomeness to chill and make sure I was still in reality, An come back to blog for you all. Aint I such a generous person? Oh Yeah! Deadass Kandis Needs to gimme my pictures before I bust her in her damn dome. Not too mention she had on purple, Cant say too much more on that. Lol I was peekin' though! Anywhom Thats about it for the time being, I had more I'd like to deliver on but I got shit to hop into for the time being...Remember Live life to the fullest.
Latte
Ironic on this rather hot memorial day weekend, So um er yeah. Thanks for meeting me here I know its short notice, If you dont understand what I'll be talking about dont feel bad about leaving my blog. Like honestly I've been cold chillin' now that I've got the tail end of this weekend to wind down from being so busy,Shouts out to my bff Kandis 
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She gon kill me for that picture, lol but you already know that is one of my fav pictures off rip though. Anyway Shouts out to Ruby also, You've been good to me also. You have out of this world conversation, Kandis hid you away. Its been fun though, I never really had conversation with a new strictly platonic friend who makes me look forward to hearing from her. It is very refreshing, To say the least given my recent slumps with women. An I've been sitting here plottin on this blog for a minute, but in between actually resting and getting my hair braided. Along with playing my life away in Nba2k10 I've been reluctant to get some bloggin in, So do not think i sat here for 20 minutes and did this. In actuality I've been sittin her for about 3 hours changing the track on iTunes, and playin 2k10 and walked to the store to get a juice and ish.
I was supposed to been and when got in the shower from yesterday, Still havent did that. I came in from helpin ma dukes move shit to the storage and hooped, then washed my hair and started on getting my hair braided while enjoying Nuevo with Fe and Ash. (Damn Alkies) Deadass good times and conversation with the sis never fails, Also just hopped off the jack from talking to Kandis. She's ignorant, I'ma headbutt this lil heffa when i see her. But deadass though I gotta go, shower She'll be here soon so I'll blog at the end of the day. Coming back to you..
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She gon kill me for that picture, lol but you already know that is one of my fav pictures off rip though. Anyway Shouts out to Ruby also, You've been good to me also. You have out of this world conversation, Kandis hid you away. Its been fun though, I never really had conversation with a new strictly platonic friend who makes me look forward to hearing from her. It is very refreshing, To say the least given my recent slumps with women. An I've been sitting here plottin on this blog for a minute, but in between actually resting and getting my hair braided. Along with playing my life away in Nba2k10 I've been reluctant to get some bloggin in, So do not think i sat here for 20 minutes and did this. In actuality I've been sittin her for about 3 hours changing the track on iTunes, and playin 2k10 and walked to the store to get a juice and ish.
I was supposed to been and when got in the shower from yesterday, Still havent did that. I came in from helpin ma dukes move shit to the storage and hooped, then washed my hair and started on getting my hair braided while enjoying Nuevo with Fe and Ash. (Damn Alkies) Deadass good times and conversation with the sis never fails, Also just hopped off the jack from talking to Kandis. She's ignorant, I'ma headbutt this lil heffa when i see her. But deadass though I gotta go, shower She'll be here soon so I'll blog at the end of the day. Coming back to you..
Friday, May 28, 2010
Shinin'
Cant You See I'm Shinin', Deadass though. I finally get somewhat of a chance to sit at a computer to blog. So lets recap the last 3 weeks, Duder got his L's right!? OWWWWW!!!!!!! Yea so that is a big fuck you and a dick in the face to this one unhappy yamp who was in my life, To the other one who has my shirts. You Should've never Gave up on me, I said You were who I got busy for. So your no longer in my corner, My bro lucked up and had intimate relations with my Ex. Damn it man (Pitbull voice) Its made me feel very uncomfy, So this feeling is new. Outside of that I'm out of people to talk to besides my crew but a new fear has arisen. So in place of all the bullshit, I've been basically away for the last 3weeks counting. Zooming My god parents been letting me drive damn near everywhere lol, Should've never let me get my L's right, Fuck bitch...Since I gotta jet back out the door I'll remind you for those of you asking what does my email mean BonitoEnRosado means "Tuna In Pink" lamest terms "Pussy In Pink" 21 Dig It? Off For My Latte
A mi tierra más alta soy una supernova nunca que baja
A mi tierra más alta soy una supernova nunca que baja
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I'll be around (Outro)
so the more i stay dolie, the more i find out. They'll be an exstention of this, but i will say this there are a lot of deceitful people i know. i It seriously bothers me, to a point of reclusiveness or distant channel. for the fact if i do not interact with people i hide, in hopes of saving myself a mental strain. before i go, i want to say I LOVE/LOVED YOU! to whom? the woman who breeze i feel on my back. you dont follow? listen to staff development. an lay under a fan or air conditionerStay shinin
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Writing In The Sky
Its been hectic for the last week now, I've been helping my godparents out to get their new home ready to move in with in the next few weeks. Which is cool for me, its just one more escape for me to go to when I am feeling distant. Which in tune brings up my next point, I really have felt like I've lost myself. For reasons to be detailed later, Though I will say this...I've made it back to Southfield and there is a slight tension between myself and Ty. Every knows I'll go to war for him anyday of the week, Hell if need be I'd lie for the dude. I could go into details but I've yet to speak with him sense i've been here in this place, It'll resolve itself I doubt but if it does it does. To other means of being distant, Women...Need I say more? Its like the minute I decide to up and continue to walk into new found friendships or more, with everything out there. It gets abused or pushed away, Not to mention there is that Turner-Owens broad who swear I'm doing everything under the sun. When I'm not, let alone there was other chick who irks my damn soul. who has my damn woodstock tshirt I've been naggin' about, Along with the fact of I actually sat down and listened to CH's "At Most I'm Just..." mixtape since the break up of me and...I need not to mention her name, but if you know me you already know who I am speaking of. I still digz it but in listening came to the thoughts of the times that were, and pretty much why I believe any other relationship I'll probably indulge in will not make 6 months. Why? Hell if I know, then again I do I just do not want to go off into it. Well For now this is where we'll stop. So with that I'll say this, If you ever lose yourself or cannot find yourself find your name in the sky if you've already written it there. I had my name up there many times each time dark clouds washed it away, So now i have to put my name back up there. In solid font this time...Remember me, and to you Please forget me...1997...I'll be around
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
No Title
Let me air this out before i knock out, Sherie Turner-Owens watch your mouth. You made such a spectacle of yourself, by doing what you did just to re-itterate those actions you've displayed. To the other irrelevant beings both no. 1 and 2, you both are actimg dead tight as if your parents made you eat a cum toasted wheat sandwich. I suggest you all either die severely, or do me the favor of stop doing dumb acts, Or simply go in the ground or sky. (Pssst...that means die bitch)
Monday, May 17, 2010
I'm so not feeling...
um,like deadass ack? you gonna dead a nigga on the fact of me not str8 od'n on not punchin your nose off? like really? yea ok...hence why most after will be irrelevant, just like i asked for you to dead me over my feelimgs. should've listened to Lala in the first place. i got a longer blog coming when i get away, and some headphones
Friday, May 14, 2010
The Reason: The Defense Mechanism Broken Down
I’ve been relatively quiet about things. I’ve bitten my tongue for quite a long time. Sheltered my thoughts, my opinions, along with feelings, and emotions for my love life and people in it (Life in general). I re-evaluated my position in this life place and trying to right some serious wrongs with me during the process. Not to get all Kanye-ish (Lol Rick Ray-Ish) on anyone. Lmao, Well forget it…this is my fucking blog and I’ll say whatever the fuck I want. This is on some I dont give a fuck but I'll say it anyway shit. But I’ve been working diligently for about 2-3 months on this up-coming move I'm aiming for. Its evolved tremendously from what it once started out to become. Anywho, let me finally let the bitch out the bag.
I honestly believe that every single person in this whackass world has different season's in their life. Whether it is because of consequences, Or choices from someones actions, or just fate itself (the same in if you ask my opinion), every person experiences different issues that help form, or shape them and define their character/existence. I started this blog in fact, to release stress and tension. Or just to converse with myself when I know no one else is listening to me, Hence most times I talk. When I am comfy around you I talk about myself, along with the things that bother me constantly. It acted as another ventilation source at first, But life has its way of creating avenues for you to prosper in multiple ways. I’ve gone through a series of events that have caused me to further mature as a person, I could say I have grown spiritually in more ways that I could ever imagine, Then again I have. Yet have not and I realize that the blogs that I make isn’t just about me. Especially with this particular blog. “The Reason: A Defense Mechanism” (I Like that title) is a reflection of some of the hardest times in my life, That I've dealt with throughout January & Febuary. A celebration of the new chapter we all in life yearn to embrace. Whether it became physically, emotionally, or mentally. The Defense Mechanism is the universal reason for a series of unfortunate events we all end up going through. We make decisions & choices that seem to make no sense, and actually come from past experiences. We bury in our memories at young ages, This blog again I say, is for everyone who has gone through a rough or rugged season. In which their lives that has given obstacles in multiple ways & are ready to embrace a new place in life with open arms and enjoy their lives. Im going to take you all back to places that you thought you forgot all about. This blog i repeat is for EVERYONE.
I am taking my time with this one, and I want the music to be the most important factor. As it should always be. So with all that said….
Are you ready for the truth to shine?…
I honestly believe that every single person in this whackass world has different season's in their life. Whether it is because of consequences, Or choices from someones actions, or just fate itself (the same in if you ask my opinion), every person experiences different issues that help form, or shape them and define their character/existence. I started this blog in fact, to release stress and tension. Or just to converse with myself when I know no one else is listening to me, Hence most times I talk. When I am comfy around you I talk about myself, along with the things that bother me constantly. It acted as another ventilation source at first, But life has its way of creating avenues for you to prosper in multiple ways. I’ve gone through a series of events that have caused me to further mature as a person, I could say I have grown spiritually in more ways that I could ever imagine, Then again I have. Yet have not and I realize that the blogs that I make isn’t just about me. Especially with this particular blog. “The Reason: A Defense Mechanism” (I Like that title) is a reflection of some of the hardest times in my life, That I've dealt with throughout January & Febuary. A celebration of the new chapter we all in life yearn to embrace. Whether it became physically, emotionally, or mentally. The Defense Mechanism is the universal reason for a series of unfortunate events we all end up going through. We make decisions & choices that seem to make no sense, and actually come from past experiences. We bury in our memories at young ages, This blog again I say, is for everyone who has gone through a rough or rugged season. In which their lives that has given obstacles in multiple ways & are ready to embrace a new place in life with open arms and enjoy their lives. Im going to take you all back to places that you thought you forgot all about. This blog i repeat is for EVERYONE.
I am taking my time with this one, and I want the music to be the most important factor. As it should always be. So with all that said….
Are you ready for the truth to shine?…
Bare All Session 1
Ok so I like been on this emptying everything bing from both my old email and my current one, and I neglected to mention that I had got interviewed from a now long and out of commission blog. though i had a copy of it, I never wanted to posted it I would rather have people go to that blog to see it. which garnered me readers, this interview had taken place 03-26-10...and here it is. Enjoy...I call this the Roderic Bare All Session 1.
Interviewer: ok...
Interviewer: What is your biggest regret in life?
Harlem Hamalades: Outside of my felony, I would say...Minus the few gf's (Now Ex's). Umm not graduating HS. Only because of how I myself think, Like if I knew what I knew now. I'd been somewhere in someone’s university probably.
Harlem Hamalades: dig me?
Interviewer: ohhhh ok
Harlem Hamalades: So carry on
Interviewer: ok mr.ray
Interviewer: What do you feel are your greatest accomplishments?
Harlem Hamalades: Honestly, I dont have none besides gaining my GED. I told myself I have major accomplishments, but none greater that getting what I should've been had in memory of a now departed loved one.
Interviewer: Hmmm do you feel some comfort in holding that accomplishment? As well as where do you see yourself now tat you overcame that obstacle?
Interviewer: *that
Harlem Hamalades: Kinda sorta, Like I had a tiny sense of comfort. More so a relieving moment, that I finally gained. Some woman will want me even more now lmao, but deadass I see myself as back at square numero uno. Next up is the school thing....
Interviewer: Do you feel you will be able to put your self back in the race you have fallen almost last in? If so what are your goals in doing so?
Harlem Hamalades: Thats never been a issue. Alil of everybody has become stagnant. Or like some of my own brothers got kids or let certain things hinder them, I'm use to being the late bloomer or the "Clutch" guy if you will.
Harlem Hamalades: My goals in doing so...hmm. Is to show some of those people who stay counting me out, or prove alot of my ex's wrong. because some of them act as if you were to toss there shit into the air it would turn to sunshine, knowing damn well it will not. Dig me?
Harlem Hamalades: To further add to that I just want something to show I made it, with me applying myself. Also to bring home those who actually believe in me still that I got us, even though I might be late.
Interviewer: You spoke of a woman now deceased that was a major supporter of you and your dreams...Who do feel is your biggest supporter living and why?
Harlem Hamalades: My biggest supporter, I can name many of names. There will never really be just one, then again I'm fibbin'. Mary L. Dial and few other names that are associated with that.
Harlem Hamalades: Now as far as my biggest supporter living? I dont know, I use to claim it was one if not both of my ex's. Knowingly your going to ask me about that later in this interview, but yeah I really honestly do not know. I have not kicked back to even think of that, So if we meet again to interview or call this a "Roderic Ray Bare All Session" I'll be sure to answer that more indepth
Interviewer: hmmm...Clever avoidance for now. Well who is your biggest not supporter?
Harlem Hamalades: Lmao, some people who happen to see this. Probably some of the Males and females I strongly Dislike, such as one particular ex's parents. They had me utterly confused and it takes alot to do so, an out side of them to my other ex. Her whackass light skinned friend who I generally cant stand, like borderline hate...Sorry went off on a "Grind my gears moment"
Harlem Hamalades: Umm bottom line I would have to say I dont know its a lot of people out there who do not support me. Or wish ill will...
Interviewer: I see well its nice to see such a strong yet polite response...
Harlem Hamalades: Yeah I know right, lol thats media training 101. As I still have levels of respect for certain people...
Interviewer: Now that we have gotten to know you a lil better... Tell the people more about your music,love and sex life; since from what I have heard they all tie together?
Harlem Hamalades: Lmao, I wonder where you could've heard that from.
Harlem Hamalades: Deadass, my music is my life..Ya know just like every average joe says it but depends on who is listening, might take a deeper meaning.
Interviewer: Well please elaborate
Harlem Hamalades: Musically, I am musically inclined (To some people) to others. I'm probably just someone who never uses their talent for monetary value, It has always been a way to articulate emotion. or to relieve stress if need be...hell or just to get a certain woman or topic off of heart and mind
Harlem Hamalades: outside of me making music, I listen to it. but I generally listen to certain people for many a reasons. I assume you would like to go in on that also?
Harlem Hamalades: I was listening to a lot of east coast rap in general, just ever since a particular someone turned me on to Drake, Kid Cudi, Charles Hamilton, Show Tufli. Along with many others in that respective peer camps I've taken to Charles Hamilton the most.
Interviewer: So do you feel these artists sort of speak your story?
Harlem Hamalades: Yes
Harlem Hamalades: Especially Charles Hamilton....
Interviewer: hmm so why don't you go out and do it for your self?
Interviewer: Like tell your own story instead of them telling it for you?
Harlem Hamalades: I do, I have a blog. Self promo moment SincereRay.Blogspot.com most of the things on there, are highly accurate coming from my eyes, Even the wrongs, the ups, downs, highs, lows. This is when i meet certain people I tell them about it off top, as if its a favor to see what really goes on, Given I have updated my blog since febuary 10th 2010
Interviewer: hmmm...
Interviewer: Is there anything specific you want me to cover so the people get a more indepth look into who you are?
Harlem Hamalades: Your the interviewer I mean ask away, I'm always willing to throw alot of things out there the next or the last person will not leave out there.
Harlem Hamalades: so ponder questions while i run to the potty
Interviewer: ok
Harlem Hamalades: ok i'm back
Interviewer: ok
Interviewer: Well You spoke of 2 recent ex's can I get a compare and contrast of the two?
Harlem Hamalades: Umm wow, like I assume you did you homework and got the names of these two?
Interviewer: yes. Aj and Ray?
Interviewer: Pardon...Rae.
Harlem Hamalades: If you will, yes your pretty much correct. For namesake purposes...What would you like to know as far as me comparing an contrast of the two. Ask an I'll give
Interviewer: Hmm you really make this interview mor about me and my questions and this is about you
Interviewer: So give me compare and contrast of the 2 women (i.e. personality, body, love, passion, lifestyle, sex and others...)
Harlem Hamalades: Lol well interviews are supposed to be 2way you feel comfy as do i
Interviewer: i asked a question sir...
Harlem Hamalades: Well we can start with the personality of Rae.
Interviewer: ok
Harlem Hamalades: Persona-wise: she was at first, not to say outrageously shallow. But she was cool, very hardass. Kinda materialistic...An brutally honest to say the least.
Interviewer: continue...
Harlem Hamalades: Body, Lol..I wasnt really intuned to being picky about women. I'ma thick woman lover and she has thick thighs and some ass (She'll probably see this and laugh yet probably hunt me down) great eyes, and lips. Thats what really attracted me to her was her face
Interviewer: Hmm really ?
Interviewer: Tell me more?
Harlem Hamalades: yes, the ass came later. Her style was that of a high maitenance chick, the lifestyle was that of a party chick, afrocentric and a mix of other things.
Interviewer: Party chick you say? Well Is there more on this one or would you like to comeback to her and move to Aj?
Harlem Hamalades: We can continue I like to get them out the way in their respective order
Interviewer: oh ok tell more
Harlem Hamalades: Love wise, it was worth it. Even with the downfalls and ups.
Harlem Hamalades: She took forever to tell me she was in love with me if that was ever true, but then again most women I am emotionally involved with wait forever to tell me they are in love with me
Harlem Hamalades: Sex, Mmmm It was good. I could say beyond good, but that'll be another reason to probably shoot a frickin rocket to where I am.
Harlem Hamalades: It was worth, everything. Even the things we did not do, since we both nagged or were at each others throat due to the things done and undone during out sexual rumps.
Harlem Hamalades: Anything else you'd like to ask before I move on to AJ?
Interviewer: hmmm... Can I ask do you now why she was so guarded? Cuz her lavish lifestyle and confusing way seem to lead something bigger.
Harlem Hamalades: Clarify for me, you kinda lost me.
Interviewer: do you know why she was indecisive?
Harlem Hamalades: I believe I had a idea, then again its still things still foggy.
Interviewer: hmm ok well I guess thats all for Rae on to Aj.
Harlem Hamalades: Personaality, She was totally opposite of Rae. I mean from the music she enjoyed to the way she carried herself. Both highly intelligent women though.
Interviewer: hmm so elab...
Interviewer: What drew you to her?
Harlem Hamalades: umm just her persona, like she enjoyed video games. some anime and few other things
Interviewer: It seems you have less to say about Aj than Rae why is that?
Harlem Hamalades: Because I am not hesitant just trying to spit it out
Interviewer: Why?
Harlem Hamalades: but anywhom, her love was similar to that of Rae. just how can i say..a different angle since they are exact opposites
Interviewer: You requested this no holds bar interview, so spill?
Interviewer: I am an unbiased reporter i know neither of the 2
Harlem Hamalades: I am spilling, so anywhom body wise. she was more bottom heavy than Rae, probably had more tattoo's than her at the time.
“Interviewer” has signed back in. (3/26/2010 9:33 PM)
Interviewer: ...
Harlem Hamalades: Passion, She was more open. an more so action responding than trying to instruct, I would say it came more natural. but honestly It came natural with Rae also..just that most of the things she spoke about from past experience with other dudes kinda shot my confidence to be open about that
Interviewer: Hmm i see
Harlem Hamalades: hell me and Rae have just as many more memories if not tied as i have with Aj..
Interviewer: Well didnt you live with both at some point?
Harlem Hamalades: Given one does one thing different from the other, but i cant really divulge too much. An yes I did If you want to say that
Interviewer: Well why are you so comfortable telling Rae's biz and not Aj's?
Interviewer: Not that seems unfair
Harlem Hamalades: Oh I was on the road i mean its 2 things I will refuse to say, because everyone has there separate issues. but as far as Aj goes I spent alot of time with AJ when she was not at work and then actually living with her was heaven on earth as it was with Rae
Interviewer: Hmm ok so how was Aj sexually?
Harlem Hamalades: More open, and to be honest we did things that could've happened between me an rae.
Interviewer: such as?
Harlem Hamalades: Like the showers, or casual baths we had taken. things that Rae was not open to.
Interviewer: hmmm...
Interviewer: Elab...
Harlem Hamalades: Like i said we could've had sex in the shower, or in the tub. but she didnt venture down that road. nor was i persistent in, due to there being a lacking feeling of sexual interest.
Interviewer: hmmm ok i see
Interviewer: Well as far as looks and appeal ? Who was you favorite?
Interviewer: *your
Harlem Hamalades: Lmao, Put me under the scope huh? clever...
Harlem Hamalades: But I can say they were both equally sexy in their own right but given the both of them, wore make up. I cant choose but i cant speak off of personal highlights
Interviewer: Really? Why not sir?
Harlem Hamalades: Because one had a bob, and then went all natural. The other had longer hair and given she had her perms and shit its just not comparable in my eyes.
Harlem Hamalades: Because I have...well had my personal photos of both that highlighted both their individual beauty
Harlem Hamalades: Like its hard to land 2 great women, let alone 2 great beautiful women
Harlem Hamalades: Lost where you were on your mental clipboard?
Interviewer: No I had to get my coffee
Interviewer: Lol
Interviewer: Ok well... Anything you may have forgot or want to touch on as far as these two women?
Harlem Hamalades: the 2 things I refuse to speak on, but I will say this for any of the readers. My brown supra's are tied in with my Tattoo. both similar or matching with hers...And our dunks..which mines has suffered a terrible death
Interviewer: Hmm ok I see you have a strong bond with Rae? Why isnt she in the picture now?
Harlem Hamalades: Who's to say she isnt?
Interviewer: Hmm ok
Interviewer: So what is your relationship with these women like now?
Harlem Hamalades: I still hear from one, for some odd reason or another. I guess I am stuck wit her, Even when i try to get usain bolt ass nigga on her...or vice versa
Harlem Hamalades: The other...I dont let alone havent seen since b4 the last funeral I attended. No contact what so ever....
Interviewer: So how does that make you feel?
Harlem Hamalades: Not having contact with one?
Interviewer: yes
Harlem Hamalades: It really bothered me, to a point of depression and or utter thoughts of making life a light thought (Get It?). I snapped out of it and just took it for what it is...It is what it has to be
Harlem Hamalades: Not enough cream in your coffee over there?
Interviewer: Mmm hmm... So where did you see your self as far a future went with the either of the 2?
Interviewer: Lol! No I was trying to form the correct question...
Harlem Hamalades: One could've been the mother of my child, as of january 08. The other We damn near acted as if we were married but seems like someone committed themself to early before the marriage
Interviewer: hmmm
Harlem Hamalades: got alil quiet on me again
Interviewer: you didnt answer to the rest of the question?
Interviewer: i only got one reply when i asked of 2 people?
Harlem Hamalades: I answered
Harlem Hamalades: One could've been the mother of my child as of jan 08
Harlem Hamalades: the other...We damn near acted as if we were married but seems like someone committed themself to early before the marriage
Harlem Hamalades: An led up to another downfall
Interviewer: hmmm ok
Harlem Hamalades: both picked up their ball and went on to other courts
Interviewer: Wow!
Interviewer: So what part did you play in the seperations
Harlem Hamalades: Lol A major part depending on who you ask, but thats the price you pay for trying to please everyone.
Harlem Hamalades: rather it was trying to maintain a friendship while, in a relationship. when in actuality it could be one relationship was not finished in the first place.
Interviewer: Well thats good point...
Harlem Hamalades: Anything else or do i smell a closing coming soon to this?
Interviewer: Well i feel we have covered major ground so i think we are done till our next collaboration...Lol
Harlem Hamalades: Deadass, it is wat it gotta be. And given we both have this conversation what are you to do with this?
Interviewer: i hope this has been a pleasurable experience for you
Interviewer: umm probably post it right away...lol
Harlem Hamalades: Everything has some pleasure in it...Hope next time you come with more on blast questions...And I'll probably put this up on my blog. when i do return to it
Interviewer: now the ball is in your court?
Interviewer: on blast like what?
Harlem Hamalades: you tell me you were the creative one
Interviewer: indeed i felt i asked so blast leading questions but u got around them...
Harlem Hamalades: What can I say, Someone labeled it "My Dominican Charm"
Interviewer: m hmmm.
Interviewer: ok...
Interviewer: What is your biggest regret in life?
Harlem Hamalades: Outside of my felony, I would say...Minus the few gf's (Now Ex's). Umm not graduating HS. Only because of how I myself think, Like if I knew what I knew now. I'd been somewhere in someone’s university probably.
Harlem Hamalades: dig me?
Interviewer: ohhhh ok
Harlem Hamalades: So carry on
Interviewer: ok mr.ray
Interviewer: What do you feel are your greatest accomplishments?
Harlem Hamalades: Honestly, I dont have none besides gaining my GED. I told myself I have major accomplishments, but none greater that getting what I should've been had in memory of a now departed loved one.
Interviewer: Hmmm do you feel some comfort in holding that accomplishment? As well as where do you see yourself now tat you overcame that obstacle?
Interviewer: *that
Harlem Hamalades: Kinda sorta, Like I had a tiny sense of comfort. More so a relieving moment, that I finally gained. Some woman will want me even more now lmao, but deadass I see myself as back at square numero uno. Next up is the school thing....
Interviewer: Do you feel you will be able to put your self back in the race you have fallen almost last in? If so what are your goals in doing so?
Harlem Hamalades: Thats never been a issue. Alil of everybody has become stagnant. Or like some of my own brothers got kids or let certain things hinder them, I'm use to being the late bloomer or the "Clutch" guy if you will.
Harlem Hamalades: My goals in doing so...hmm. Is to show some of those people who stay counting me out, or prove alot of my ex's wrong. because some of them act as if you were to toss there shit into the air it would turn to sunshine, knowing damn well it will not. Dig me?
Harlem Hamalades: To further add to that I just want something to show I made it, with me applying myself. Also to bring home those who actually believe in me still that I got us, even though I might be late.
Interviewer: You spoke of a woman now deceased that was a major supporter of you and your dreams...Who do feel is your biggest supporter living and why?
Harlem Hamalades: My biggest supporter, I can name many of names. There will never really be just one, then again I'm fibbin'. Mary L. Dial and few other names that are associated with that.
Harlem Hamalades: Now as far as my biggest supporter living? I dont know, I use to claim it was one if not both of my ex's. Knowingly your going to ask me about that later in this interview, but yeah I really honestly do not know. I have not kicked back to even think of that, So if we meet again to interview or call this a "Roderic Ray Bare All Session" I'll be sure to answer that more indepth
Interviewer: hmmm...Clever avoidance for now. Well who is your biggest not supporter?
Harlem Hamalades: Lmao, some people who happen to see this. Probably some of the Males and females I strongly Dislike, such as one particular ex's parents. They had me utterly confused and it takes alot to do so, an out side of them to my other ex. Her whackass light skinned friend who I generally cant stand, like borderline hate...Sorry went off on a "Grind my gears moment"
Harlem Hamalades: Umm bottom line I would have to say I dont know its a lot of people out there who do not support me. Or wish ill will...
Interviewer: I see well its nice to see such a strong yet polite response...
Harlem Hamalades: Yeah I know right, lol thats media training 101. As I still have levels of respect for certain people...
Interviewer: Now that we have gotten to know you a lil better... Tell the people more about your music,love and sex life; since from what I have heard they all tie together?
Harlem Hamalades: Lmao, I wonder where you could've heard that from.
Harlem Hamalades: Deadass, my music is my life..Ya know just like every average joe says it but depends on who is listening, might take a deeper meaning.
Interviewer: Well please elaborate
Harlem Hamalades: Musically, I am musically inclined (To some people) to others. I'm probably just someone who never uses their talent for monetary value, It has always been a way to articulate emotion. or to relieve stress if need be...hell or just to get a certain woman or topic off of heart and mind
Harlem Hamalades: outside of me making music, I listen to it. but I generally listen to certain people for many a reasons. I assume you would like to go in on that also?
Harlem Hamalades: I was listening to a lot of east coast rap in general, just ever since a particular someone turned me on to Drake, Kid Cudi, Charles Hamilton, Show Tufli. Along with many others in that respective peer camps I've taken to Charles Hamilton the most.
Interviewer: So do you feel these artists sort of speak your story?
Harlem Hamalades: Yes
Harlem Hamalades: Especially Charles Hamilton....
Interviewer: hmm so why don't you go out and do it for your self?
Interviewer: Like tell your own story instead of them telling it for you?
Harlem Hamalades: I do, I have a blog. Self promo moment SincereRay.Blogspot.com most of the things on there, are highly accurate coming from my eyes, Even the wrongs, the ups, downs, highs, lows. This is when i meet certain people I tell them about it off top, as if its a favor to see what really goes on, Given I have updated my blog since febuary 10th 2010
Interviewer: hmmm...
Interviewer: Is there anything specific you want me to cover so the people get a more indepth look into who you are?
Harlem Hamalades: Your the interviewer I mean ask away, I'm always willing to throw alot of things out there the next or the last person will not leave out there.
Harlem Hamalades: so ponder questions while i run to the potty
Interviewer: ok
Harlem Hamalades: ok i'm back
Interviewer: ok
Interviewer: Well You spoke of 2 recent ex's can I get a compare and contrast of the two?
Harlem Hamalades: Umm wow, like I assume you did you homework and got the names of these two?
Interviewer: yes. Aj and Ray?
Interviewer: Pardon...Rae.
Harlem Hamalades: If you will, yes your pretty much correct. For namesake purposes...What would you like to know as far as me comparing an contrast of the two. Ask an I'll give
Interviewer: Hmm you really make this interview mor about me and my questions and this is about you
Interviewer: So give me compare and contrast of the 2 women (i.e. personality, body, love, passion, lifestyle, sex and others...)
Harlem Hamalades: Lol well interviews are supposed to be 2way you feel comfy as do i
Interviewer: i asked a question sir...
Harlem Hamalades: Well we can start with the personality of Rae.
Interviewer: ok
Harlem Hamalades: Persona-wise: she was at first, not to say outrageously shallow. But she was cool, very hardass. Kinda materialistic...An brutally honest to say the least.
Interviewer: continue...
Harlem Hamalades: Body, Lol..I wasnt really intuned to being picky about women. I'ma thick woman lover and she has thick thighs and some ass (She'll probably see this and laugh yet probably hunt me down) great eyes, and lips. Thats what really attracted me to her was her face
Interviewer: Hmm really ?
Interviewer: Tell me more?
Harlem Hamalades: yes, the ass came later. Her style was that of a high maitenance chick, the lifestyle was that of a party chick, afrocentric and a mix of other things.
Interviewer: Party chick you say? Well Is there more on this one or would you like to comeback to her and move to Aj?
Harlem Hamalades: We can continue I like to get them out the way in their respective order
Interviewer: oh ok tell more
Harlem Hamalades: Love wise, it was worth it. Even with the downfalls and ups.
Harlem Hamalades: She took forever to tell me she was in love with me if that was ever true, but then again most women I am emotionally involved with wait forever to tell me they are in love with me
Harlem Hamalades: Sex, Mmmm It was good. I could say beyond good, but that'll be another reason to probably shoot a frickin rocket to where I am.
Harlem Hamalades: It was worth, everything. Even the things we did not do, since we both nagged or were at each others throat due to the things done and undone during out sexual rumps.
Harlem Hamalades: Anything else you'd like to ask before I move on to AJ?
Interviewer: hmmm... Can I ask do you now why she was so guarded? Cuz her lavish lifestyle and confusing way seem to lead something bigger.
Harlem Hamalades: Clarify for me, you kinda lost me.
Interviewer: do you know why she was indecisive?
Harlem Hamalades: I believe I had a idea, then again its still things still foggy.
Interviewer: hmm ok well I guess thats all for Rae on to Aj.
Harlem Hamalades: Personaality, She was totally opposite of Rae. I mean from the music she enjoyed to the way she carried herself. Both highly intelligent women though.
Interviewer: hmm so elab...
Interviewer: What drew you to her?
Harlem Hamalades: umm just her persona, like she enjoyed video games. some anime and few other things
Interviewer: It seems you have less to say about Aj than Rae why is that?
Harlem Hamalades: Because I am not hesitant just trying to spit it out
Interviewer: Why?
Harlem Hamalades: but anywhom, her love was similar to that of Rae. just how can i say..a different angle since they are exact opposites
Interviewer: You requested this no holds bar interview, so spill?
Interviewer: I am an unbiased reporter i know neither of the 2
Harlem Hamalades: I am spilling, so anywhom body wise. she was more bottom heavy than Rae, probably had more tattoo's than her at the time.
“Interviewer” has signed back in. (3/26/2010 9:33 PM)
Interviewer: ...
Harlem Hamalades: Passion, She was more open. an more so action responding than trying to instruct, I would say it came more natural. but honestly It came natural with Rae also..just that most of the things she spoke about from past experience with other dudes kinda shot my confidence to be open about that
Interviewer: Hmm i see
Harlem Hamalades: hell me and Rae have just as many more memories if not tied as i have with Aj..
Interviewer: Well didnt you live with both at some point?
Harlem Hamalades: Given one does one thing different from the other, but i cant really divulge too much. An yes I did If you want to say that
Interviewer: Well why are you so comfortable telling Rae's biz and not Aj's?
Interviewer: Not that seems unfair
Harlem Hamalades: Oh I was on the road i mean its 2 things I will refuse to say, because everyone has there separate issues. but as far as Aj goes I spent alot of time with AJ when she was not at work and then actually living with her was heaven on earth as it was with Rae
Interviewer: Hmm ok so how was Aj sexually?
Harlem Hamalades: More open, and to be honest we did things that could've happened between me an rae.
Interviewer: such as?
Harlem Hamalades: Like the showers, or casual baths we had taken. things that Rae was not open to.
Interviewer: hmmm...
Interviewer: Elab...
Harlem Hamalades: Like i said we could've had sex in the shower, or in the tub. but she didnt venture down that road. nor was i persistent in, due to there being a lacking feeling of sexual interest.
Interviewer: hmmm ok i see
Interviewer: Well as far as looks and appeal ? Who was you favorite?
Interviewer: *your
Harlem Hamalades: Lmao, Put me under the scope huh? clever...
Harlem Hamalades: But I can say they were both equally sexy in their own right but given the both of them, wore make up. I cant choose but i cant speak off of personal highlights
Interviewer: Really? Why not sir?
Harlem Hamalades: Because one had a bob, and then went all natural. The other had longer hair and given she had her perms and shit its just not comparable in my eyes.
Harlem Hamalades: Because I have...well had my personal photos of both that highlighted both their individual beauty
Harlem Hamalades: Like its hard to land 2 great women, let alone 2 great beautiful women
Harlem Hamalades: Lost where you were on your mental clipboard?
Interviewer: No I had to get my coffee
Interviewer: Lol
Interviewer: Ok well... Anything you may have forgot or want to touch on as far as these two women?
Harlem Hamalades: the 2 things I refuse to speak on, but I will say this for any of the readers. My brown supra's are tied in with my Tattoo. both similar or matching with hers...And our dunks..which mines has suffered a terrible death
Interviewer: Hmm ok I see you have a strong bond with Rae? Why isnt she in the picture now?
Harlem Hamalades: Who's to say she isnt?
Interviewer: Hmm ok
Interviewer: So what is your relationship with these women like now?
Harlem Hamalades: I still hear from one, for some odd reason or another. I guess I am stuck wit her, Even when i try to get usain bolt ass nigga on her...or vice versa
Harlem Hamalades: The other...I dont let alone havent seen since b4 the last funeral I attended. No contact what so ever....
Interviewer: So how does that make you feel?
Harlem Hamalades: Not having contact with one?
Interviewer: yes
Harlem Hamalades: It really bothered me, to a point of depression and or utter thoughts of making life a light thought (Get It?). I snapped out of it and just took it for what it is...It is what it has to be
Harlem Hamalades: Not enough cream in your coffee over there?
Interviewer: Mmm hmm... So where did you see your self as far a future went with the either of the 2?
Interviewer: Lol! No I was trying to form the correct question...
Harlem Hamalades: One could've been the mother of my child, as of january 08. The other We damn near acted as if we were married but seems like someone committed themself to early before the marriage
Interviewer: hmmm
Harlem Hamalades: got alil quiet on me again
Interviewer: you didnt answer to the rest of the question?
Interviewer: i only got one reply when i asked of 2 people?
Harlem Hamalades: I answered
Harlem Hamalades: One could've been the mother of my child as of jan 08
Harlem Hamalades: the other...We damn near acted as if we were married but seems like someone committed themself to early before the marriage
Harlem Hamalades: An led up to another downfall
Interviewer: hmmm ok
Harlem Hamalades: both picked up their ball and went on to other courts
Interviewer: Wow!
Interviewer: So what part did you play in the seperations
Harlem Hamalades: Lol A major part depending on who you ask, but thats the price you pay for trying to please everyone.
Harlem Hamalades: rather it was trying to maintain a friendship while, in a relationship. when in actuality it could be one relationship was not finished in the first place.
Interviewer: Well thats good point...
Harlem Hamalades: Anything else or do i smell a closing coming soon to this?
Interviewer: Well i feel we have covered major ground so i think we are done till our next collaboration...Lol
Harlem Hamalades: Deadass, it is wat it gotta be. And given we both have this conversation what are you to do with this?
Interviewer: i hope this has been a pleasurable experience for you
Interviewer: umm probably post it right away...lol
Harlem Hamalades: Everything has some pleasure in it...Hope next time you come with more on blast questions...And I'll probably put this up on my blog. when i do return to it
Interviewer: now the ball is in your court?
Interviewer: on blast like what?
Harlem Hamalades: you tell me you were the creative one
Interviewer: indeed i felt i asked so blast leading questions but u got around them...
Harlem Hamalades: What can I say, Someone labeled it "My Dominican Charm"
Interviewer: m hmmm.
Well, Well, Well.
I seen those serious of facebook messages, Can we umm er say HB Pt.3? Women seemingly starting to lie, Again!? Ummm Again...I still stand by everything i've ever said seeing as it means not a damn thing to you, or lack thereof trying to busy myself or better myself for that person. Talk about being back in familiar murky waters, This is why I maybe. Just maybe, I should stop handing my heart and commitment out to the world so easily. Then I would not be me or who I've been known to be, Well if this is the end an you choose to give your heart to "This certain someone". Maybe you should have never lied and attempted to put me in false pretenses of believing your heart was mines, Now I'm back with mines on a skewer. Oh the terrible women of the world, I at least want my Woodstock "Peace" symbol shirt back. That was a birthday gift from mommy & Fe...
P.S. Damn Blog world so many blogs in one day, this is too much isnt it?
P.S. Damn Blog world so many blogs in one day, this is too much isnt it?
A Early A.M. Email I Awoke To On My Old Email Dated Back 02-09-10
"Mah dude, please stop going off of the deep end because of woman. Please. I cannot be getting calls to my home at 6:50 am any longer. You are a valuable asset to a lot of people and your mindset is very UNIQUE (In My Eyes And Others). I Pray that you please find your way (the right way) back to the peace of mind you had with her, Or even or your own singleness (Which is not you BTW). So you can get back where you should be. You never conformed to the format, why start now? You stopped making your beats and started this loving a women shit, When you tried to rid yourself of a certain someone who sabotaged your relationship. Not to mention you made your mistake of talking to her in the first place. Then to prove she was wrong all along, that was the last straw for me. I have gone from looking forward in earnest to seeing you and your latest adventures on your blog. To stressed the fuck out about you, to now just not giving a fuck. You took away the key to that beyond different mind of yours in hopes of achieving what ever piece of fucking mind you swore you lost from her when she let you go December 12. Not to mention your fucking blog you abandoned, When you poured just about every emotion and mental depiction about that woman and some of the major issues in to it. You took it from the public. Bad move...Now that it has been taken away...gone! It was your last life line even when you were dying, it has become even more difficult to the ones who care and/or cared to keep up with you. Now that Rachele bitch exploited you every chance she got hoping those wild antics would thrust you back into the depression you or her once was in. They will not nor shall not. For now, I'm not fucking with you Roderic "Sincere" Ray Jr. Wake me up when the Rick I watched and read stayed true to himself and That person who was his everything but dumped him"
~Carlita
Deadass I finally decided to share this with the world...Heard your baby was born. Congratulations ma, Hope to eventually see you when your back in Michigan. If you still check back or read my blog, please note I replied to your email address. Now Know I have been stopped using my former email of Harlem_Boi_Black_2k5@yahoo.com... I've been using BonitoEnRosado21@yahoo.com and or facebook me, Shit. Get it together, being a mom is hard I bet. Lol Just had to air that email out for my own personal enjoyment, and to let you know I received it. It's alot to catch you up on, deadass...
~Carlita
Deadass I finally decided to share this with the world...Heard your baby was born. Congratulations ma, Hope to eventually see you when your back in Michigan. If you still check back or read my blog, please note I replied to your email address. Now Know I have been stopped using my former email of Harlem_Boi_Black_2k5@yahoo.com... I've been using BonitoEnRosado21@yahoo.com and or facebook me, Shit. Get it together, being a mom is hard I bet. Lol Just had to air that email out for my own personal enjoyment, and to let you know I received it. It's alot to catch you up on, deadass...
Do You Remember?
if not, please do not remind yourself. It'll make me seem indifferent. So rememer you checked out, me...lets just i am locked,but patched in...
Thursday, May 6, 2010
The Anti-socialite
1.Antisocial - shunning contact with others; "standoffish and antisocial"; "he's not antisocial; just shy"
2.Unsociable - not inclined to society or companionship; "an unsociable nature...shy and reserved"; "generally unsociable except with intimate friends"; "unsociable behavior"; "an unsociable neighborhood"
I am probably the exact opposite of those definitions, Depending on how you view me or interact with me. Either way I just like those two words in particular, Anywhom it has been a while since I last posted. More so 2 weeks or so, but who cares right!? I've been quiet yet again, From the blog scene for a lot of reasons. Usually I'd rant off what or why I've been away, But today I will not try to be as a elaborate about it. I've been staying to what is left of my team, even though we all still play for the same squad. There is something wrong with this picture, A lot of ego's have came into play. So no one is going to call anyone out on it, Well atleast not yet. Issues stay handled in house only, no need to flaunt it out to others that have nothing to do with it. Anywho back to why I've been quiet, I've been bottling up a lot of things that have been bothering me. seemingly every time I come around to blogging it is always about something or someone, Well I assured myself that is what my blog was for up until a few more people I associate with began to read what I spill. I feel the sweat falling off of my pores as I try to give you all (My Readers) this product, but with in house issues and nothing being done to handle it or not fuck up something is causing one to become accustomed to staying in ones own shell.
I've tried coping with it by occupying myself, even though that only works temporarily. I truly laid back on drinking, ever since my 23rd Bday I was bent from that day up until like the week I had went to Ypsilanti. Man that is another case & story for another blog, but deadass I'm glad to have cut back on the drinking. Too many terrible times and thoughts revisited, I think the last time I blogged was in April. Dont remember the exact date, though It was 2 weeks or so ago. I have also tried coping or occupied myself with music, Which is always there and will never do me harm. Then again while listening to tunes all at once instead of one particular track or album, Karma has a sick sense of humor. That plays the right or wrong track to really destroy or enhance ones mood, Which is fine at some point and time. Though it does nothing for me to sit and think when not busying myself to better things, Than they already are. I mean yea I've came along from previous blogs, I'd like to say "Thank You" for your love, care and time spent. I wont call names, you should know who you are from the description. Still I continue on with this mental depiction of things that were or bothers one, I havent really had much contact with Chris. For many of reasons, I refuse to join a damn 7-on-7 football team for leisure time I do not have. Sorry, Just will not happen. No matter how many times I leave questions unanswered or tell him I have other things to do in place of that fickle act, I did not get everything lined up for summer classes. Enough said on that note, I simply became complacent with a minor goal that was accomplished, and it gave me little to no sense satisfaction. Along with me pulling things together and finding someone to get busy for, So I took that loss and move forward.
Even though I could not reflect upon the months that were, I will say this. March & April came with a lot of great things and people, Need I say great love behind that? Outside of that, there were things that are always on the negative as well as the positive. When is it not negative with positive right? Though it was not loss worthy, It took its share of lumps. Glad things are now back on the bright side despite "Mother's Day" has approached quickly, now in its own right. It is and will be a beautiful day, for all of the motherly people I've had in my life. Present and pass, Though everyone in my family has had little to no contact with me since my birthday. Which I like that way, It made me able to focus on the things I needed to do and maintain. It just irks me everytime I reappear everyone tends to ask me about Mary, My godfather and I spoke about the last time we came in contact which was not much of an issue. My grandmother asked me about, more so pelted me with statements in regards to a lot of pointless things. That can not and will not be ever fixed or mended,As Always she continues to speak about the home I once resided in. Along with who is in it when it was supposed to have been long gone and sold, But Oh well You live and let learn. Hell if the scar and stitches come along with it you take it and move forward, Deadass though.
As my recent music binges I've came across countless music fav's as a child coming up. It instantly brought me back to the days when I first started getting into music. Nas & AZ, in my opinion...Were some of the most descriptive yet intelligent Emcee’s to ever touch and pen also a mic. The stories that were depicted painted alone were breath taking. I also believe that my favorite AZ song (Just Wanna Be There) was highly under the radar & should have been as much of a world known classic as “Phone Tap” was. It also saddens me for the fact it was really only about what you had to say. Nothing more, no jewels or endorsing. Just the words were really where the power once lied. There was no need for anything else. Just a Lowkey crate digger sample, a extraordinary baseline & and some kicks and snares (Post 808's). Wit a poet spilling effortless thoughts over the kicks.
Nas & AZ have always had a knack for getting the point across. It also makes me revisit the deepest thoughts I was all into the stories they told. I wanted to be just like them, emulating their east coast styles & slang. (Hence the slight new york twitch to me). It also brings me back to times when nothing mattered but music. None of these blogs, or websites, or people I interact with or none of this feeling like I needed to be this and have all of that. Just strictly the music, also who wanted to take that ride with me to wherever I was or could be taking them too. It personally saddens me because in which somewhere I am always lost in many a sense. When I was just a kid with headphones, a computer full of music & some bummy ass AF1's sneakers. Wearing the same clothes every week, Some place it still exists til this very day (Mind you I'm 23 now). I got a tad more clothing, and sneakers. So my sneakers are not bummy. Those songs and albums I vividly listen to often are big part of my growing up. From bus rides to get home after putting in hours on someones MPC or FL Studio right after school. The long walks I took (and still take) when life or my days became hectic at my home (at Whatever time). Songs like those take me somewhere else that I feel continuous undying comfort and love. Their stories took me away and inspired me to do so myself, I know its impossible to revert to where I was, but it was so innocent. I miss it so much. I haven’t listened to Nas in a very long time. (Nas is my favorite rapper of all time Along with Fab and many others).I think I’m going to revisit my It Was Written album. Along with a few unfinished blogs, yes I STILL believe “I Am” > “Illmatic”. these times to never be forgotten, I hope you enjoyed what I left you with if and when you are reading this. Thank you for your time.
2.Unsociable - not inclined to society or companionship; "an unsociable nature...shy and reserved"; "generally unsociable except with intimate friends"; "unsociable behavior"; "an unsociable neighborhood"
I am probably the exact opposite of those definitions, Depending on how you view me or interact with me. Either way I just like those two words in particular, Anywhom it has been a while since I last posted. More so 2 weeks or so, but who cares right!? I've been quiet yet again, From the blog scene for a lot of reasons. Usually I'd rant off what or why I've been away, But today I will not try to be as a elaborate about it. I've been staying to what is left of my team, even though we all still play for the same squad. There is something wrong with this picture, A lot of ego's have came into play. So no one is going to call anyone out on it, Well atleast not yet. Issues stay handled in house only, no need to flaunt it out to others that have nothing to do with it. Anywho back to why I've been quiet, I've been bottling up a lot of things that have been bothering me. seemingly every time I come around to blogging it is always about something or someone, Well I assured myself that is what my blog was for up until a few more people I associate with began to read what I spill. I feel the sweat falling off of my pores as I try to give you all (My Readers) this product, but with in house issues and nothing being done to handle it or not fuck up something is causing one to become accustomed to staying in ones own shell.
I've tried coping with it by occupying myself, even though that only works temporarily. I truly laid back on drinking, ever since my 23rd Bday I was bent from that day up until like the week I had went to Ypsilanti. Man that is another case & story for another blog, but deadass I'm glad to have cut back on the drinking. Too many terrible times and thoughts revisited, I think the last time I blogged was in April. Dont remember the exact date, though It was 2 weeks or so ago. I have also tried coping or occupied myself with music, Which is always there and will never do me harm. Then again while listening to tunes all at once instead of one particular track or album, Karma has a sick sense of humor. That plays the right or wrong track to really destroy or enhance ones mood, Which is fine at some point and time. Though it does nothing for me to sit and think when not busying myself to better things, Than they already are. I mean yea I've came along from previous blogs, I'd like to say "Thank You" for your love, care and time spent. I wont call names, you should know who you are from the description. Still I continue on with this mental depiction of things that were or bothers one, I havent really had much contact with Chris. For many of reasons, I refuse to join a damn 7-on-7 football team for leisure time I do not have. Sorry, Just will not happen. No matter how many times I leave questions unanswered or tell him I have other things to do in place of that fickle act, I did not get everything lined up for summer classes. Enough said on that note, I simply became complacent with a minor goal that was accomplished, and it gave me little to no sense satisfaction. Along with me pulling things together and finding someone to get busy for, So I took that loss and move forward.
Even though I could not reflect upon the months that were, I will say this. March & April came with a lot of great things and people, Need I say great love behind that? Outside of that, there were things that are always on the negative as well as the positive. When is it not negative with positive right? Though it was not loss worthy, It took its share of lumps. Glad things are now back on the bright side despite "Mother's Day" has approached quickly, now in its own right. It is and will be a beautiful day, for all of the motherly people I've had in my life. Present and pass, Though everyone in my family has had little to no contact with me since my birthday. Which I like that way, It made me able to focus on the things I needed to do and maintain. It just irks me everytime I reappear everyone tends to ask me about Mary, My godfather and I spoke about the last time we came in contact which was not much of an issue. My grandmother asked me about, more so pelted me with statements in regards to a lot of pointless things. That can not and will not be ever fixed or mended,As Always she continues to speak about the home I once resided in. Along with who is in it when it was supposed to have been long gone and sold, But Oh well You live and let learn. Hell if the scar and stitches come along with it you take it and move forward, Deadass though.
As my recent music binges I've came across countless music fav's as a child coming up. It instantly brought me back to the days when I first started getting into music. Nas & AZ, in my opinion...Were some of the most descriptive yet intelligent Emcee’s to ever touch and pen also a mic. The stories that were depicted painted alone were breath taking. I also believe that my favorite AZ song (Just Wanna Be There) was highly under the radar & should have been as much of a world known classic as “Phone Tap” was. It also saddens me for the fact it was really only about what you had to say. Nothing more, no jewels or endorsing. Just the words were really where the power once lied. There was no need for anything else. Just a Lowkey crate digger sample, a extraordinary baseline & and some kicks and snares (Post 808's). Wit a poet spilling effortless thoughts over the kicks.
Nas & AZ have always had a knack for getting the point across. It also makes me revisit the deepest thoughts I was all into the stories they told. I wanted to be just like them, emulating their east coast styles & slang. (Hence the slight new york twitch to me). It also brings me back to times when nothing mattered but music. None of these blogs, or websites, or people I interact with or none of this feeling like I needed to be this and have all of that. Just strictly the music, also who wanted to take that ride with me to wherever I was or could be taking them too. It personally saddens me because in which somewhere I am always lost in many a sense. When I was just a kid with headphones, a computer full of music & some bummy ass AF1's sneakers. Wearing the same clothes every week, Some place it still exists til this very day (Mind you I'm 23 now). I got a tad more clothing, and sneakers. So my sneakers are not bummy. Those songs and albums I vividly listen to often are big part of my growing up. From bus rides to get home after putting in hours on someones MPC or FL Studio right after school. The long walks I took (and still take) when life or my days became hectic at my home (at Whatever time). Songs like those take me somewhere else that I feel continuous undying comfort and love. Their stories took me away and inspired me to do so myself, I know its impossible to revert to where I was, but it was so innocent. I miss it so much. I haven’t listened to Nas in a very long time. (Nas is my favorite rapper of all time Along with Fab and many others).I think I’m going to revisit my It Was Written album. Along with a few unfinished blogs, yes I STILL believe “I Am” > “Illmatic”. these times to never be forgotten, I hope you enjoyed what I left you with if and when you are reading this. Thank you for your time.
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