Life Under The Knife.

Um So er...Yea, Ya boi is going in for my Achilles surgery in alil under 3 hours. Just wanted to blog it out for a bit, I hate the fact I am not really nervous. Typically I am like deadass tight like buggin about it, but this time its my lively hood of walking so it is what it gotta be. So I'll be bouncing back YEAHHH!!!! Bitch!!!!!!!! CHAA!!!!

So...

Everything has still been kinda hetic, Life of a cripple. My surgery has been moved up to this coming Tuesday, 8-31-10 Which is pretty cool. Though it still remains I probably wont be back fully running and jumping and walking until march maybe, Which is fine by me. Gotta endure the surgery, then start the process of rehab 4-6weeks after the procedure. Only thing I hate is I have one more scar to add to the rest of the many ones I have, not to mention my tattoo has a scar on it. Like within the "S" which really pissed me off, then again it was bound to happen from hooping. So I'm just happy it wasnt the worst it could be, even though I really want to add on to it. Anywhom, I'm done for now. Just a mini update. Deadass though, maybe I'll feed my readers more end of the night..and thinking about cha. And I miss you...Z.K.

More Than A Producer

11-07-07

You tell me I'm too busy, I tell that I'm going through hell.
I may not show it how I used to, but you're still my nigga for life no matter what else fails
I think about you a lot, but don't always have the time to call.
But you tell me I'm neglecting you and letting our friendship fall.
But I'm not I promise, as you know... Life can be a bitch.
But don't ever think that I don't ever truly miss...
You and our talks and the things we'd do
Because it would be false, HELL NAW that ain't true.
You were, still are and will always be my nigga
Through thick and thin, small and tall that's what you need to remember
Because when push comes to shove, I'll have your back til the end
You're more than a nigga that I do music with... You're my mothafuckin friend!!!
RealTalk
Call Me

Kei Hudson...'


I deadass hold on to this to this very day, No doubt about that.

I dont do much

I've finally made it back to Southfield, I really missed it. Got to kick it yesterday outside for the squad typical "Sunday Run", Nothin but fun as always. Talked my shit, caught up with a few folks who had not really seen me since I've caught this injury. Its doing better, though despite the fact this is close to a month of me being injured. Mind you I have another 3-4months ahead of me for a full recovery, I have had a injury like this in a while. Havent really seen clippers in a minute still, I know I need my hair braided eventually before my Friday doctor appointment. I'm content with the fact I've gotten the ball rolling on a recovery, though now I'm more so concerned about having to change plans yet again. I didnt intend on this happening, but that is life I guess. I sat back, Chilled od'd on my music and shed a few tears as to why me? Then I spoke to a few and was told "Life throws curveballs at you" speech/lecture, which is dandy and expected so now I have to rebound again. Make the critics eat the words, and I told my godfather that "Damn I back at square one". He actually said something to me that actually made me feel a tad better, and that was "No, your not back at square one. Your at square two, which is a new square and you still made progress that no one can take away from you. So lets worry about getting that leg of yours right, and we'll talk about moving to square three."

Which made me realize what he said (This time) was dead true, So that raised my next question to myself. Whats next after rehab, and i'm back up and running on this leg? Only time will tell and I've been doing better in place of talking out my plan, by just keeping it to myself and those I spoke with. Anything can be accomplished...Deadass Though...Remember the rain.

Yet Again, I find myself defending My words and actions. Again!? Yuppp Again..

"Thinking about a chick who may have played me, for a venture with her ex. Umm Alot to put into context. lmao...Bitch..I was talking thoughts"

2:14 AM Aug 15th via web

Deadass, There is always something someone takes out of context when dealing with me. For whatever reason, hell if I know. Though those who do know me or consider that they do, should most often know if I am going to address you with something. I will not go ass backwards of doings it, and with that said as of lately my most recent issue has been my "Twitter" account. Lol mindbogglingly? Yes, for the simple fact of this is not the 1st account in general. That I had someone come attack something I said, or taken it out of proportion.

Why I really never understand as to why this happens? Or has been happening, I mean I know I say some direct things. If and when hurt or felt done wrong nah mean? First time overall was with that Ash Jenkins chick, She swore up and down I was talkin' or trying to get at someone with the name "Titties4Sale". Like really? How could I have been doing such when I am with you? and then as always this blog gets under people's skin, for whatever the reason may be. Have I cared? Yes/No though at times I depict what I go through, And think at times or just feel like sounding off when no one wants to hear what I have to say. 2nd and 3rd case was and following my most recent Ex gf, one minute she swore I've been telling in detail what we have been doing or planning or doing. In actuality, How do you classify someone telling "Their plans" when one is saying "Cant wait to see my lady (Insert Ex Gf name here"). When time and time you can clearly see what I say, Why do I get knocked for these things? I really know it is someone else out there who endures these things, or maybe it is just self inflicted because of me. Deadass though, I can honestly attest to my intentions always being good. Though why is it I am the only one that sees this? When I was off being the other dude I used to be, I had less worries. The minute I open up more, and fall back on being so uptight. I get fucked royally, something has to give. Its bad enough, I see myself on the road to going back to the old me. When being caring and considerate, was not even entertained. For the simple fact of avoiding these things, you know..Attachments and so on.

My most recent debacle, was the fact I reached out to this Ex (mistake #1). Should have went with my first mind, and not sent the email. Which was not even a email it turned into a FB message since I did not remember her email address, Lets back track for a minute. Because, I was told numerous times not to hit the woman up. Though my other bff Kandis kind of hinted I should attempt to, I decided against it for a good little minute. Though I had an unfinished email I had plans on sending to the woman, just could not pull myself to do it. So I went out on a limb, and said I'd fire it off. See what happens, Should've known every time I fire off some sort of contact. I always get "Shots fired" in return, for something that rained on someones parade. Knowing well whatever got them tight had nothing to do with them, As always.

Though I welcome it, because like I've said to many I have associated and disassociated with. That I always feel that I'll end up defending myself in the public eye every waking day, and to an extent or greater degree I feel it really shows you what defines me. Or maybe I should not be categorized if you would like to go that topic of choice, I mean I personally dont think that much in to it. So how about you? I try, I mean really do try to watch what I say and or do. Though most of the things I walk into or that are caused by my "words", I dont know I'm doing it or in it until it happens to be spitting venom back at me. And most times I used to pride myself on running into battle to clear the battlefield and be the last one remaining, but the older I get (and more Charles hamilton I listen to) I learn silence is at times a damn good weapon. Often times the art of expression or articulation is also, When used properly. Which often gets misconstrued or contorted, and seemingly my words and sometimes get that action very often.

I never understood as to why, Like when I am on my serious or sensitive shit. I get knocked for it, but when others or past acts (Associates & friends) get tight yall want to aim for my neck. Like jeez, I know my words are targets...but damn ease up off me. Stop putting me on a pedestal, I like it but in some case I rather earn it. Than fuck up, inplace of gaining it and as fast it comes. Is as fast as it blows the fuck up? dig me?. In actuality, I would love to have a lot of peoples opinions on this. Then again no, because not everyone's opinion counts. To the ones who opinion does count, They never speak to me about it. Or I rarely ask to go off into it, for the fact of it is not many who speak directly to me when I ask of assistance. Bud Dwyer type ish though slime, I really want more out it and about it. Though now I've expressed these thing, I'll just leave as for you the reader whomever you are. To leave a comment on my blog lol. Insider...Deadass though slime. Until next blog...

It Went Off In My Head...KooKoo!!

Deadass, It finally crashed and burned. That "Roderic" cat made it out of the crash, which is a blessing and all. Though he now is in a coma, he will soon recover. Hopefully, outside of that Rick will be taking over his stead for the time being in place of his recovery. His heart is with us all, and Me being Rick and taking over please expect things to take a turn for the betterment of what he has left behind. Indeed, it will be a process. Slow...Yes, but better indeed? Now to add to everything else. Roderic is not the only one who was injured in the proverbial heart crashing. Rick has been injured and is out of commission demobilized, To a ruptured/Fully torn achilles tendon. It still sickens me that this has happened to me, Yes. Indeed next time I'll be back on this foot or walking or possibly running again, will more than likely be Feb/Mar 2011. Yes heart wrenching even for me to know that is far away, but will keep gradually updates. Especially after the surgery, So until next blog. This office has now been taking over clearly, By Rick Ray. He's back!!!

Lmao! "River Story"

River Story

This love of ours tells a story like a river over rocks.
When it rains hard the rivers runs deep, fast, and violent upon the rocks that it loves so dearly.
But with out the rain, the river itself cannot thrive.
When the rain stops and the sun arrives the river runs calm and clear showing the earth around it so much love.
We ourselves are the river ever changing and flowing.
The storms in our relationship only replenish and renew our love.
And like that river we run eternally, telling wise words, and helping those around us thrive.
But like that river we ourselves must move on and flow to bigger and greater bodies of our lives.
There is no fear in us, no selfishness only love ever flowing.
I know that we have had turbulent times that seem impossible to get through, but only time and hard work can make those moments mean more than just bad memories.
See We are like the Nile flowing against gravity.
Showing and telling a history as we make all around us thrive.
So my dear like the rivers in this world let love flow like a river in ours.



Lmao, Jet Life Fool. Boredom emptying Email..

Deadass though!

Like I went to bed, slept for a good hr. Maybe 2, but I woke up lost in mad thought. Not to mention the shit I went to sleep to probably was the reason I woke up in thought. As most of my blogs I do not really have a complete point I'd like to tunnel in on, though I think my newest revelation is now...Its time to give up, now when I say give up. I totally mean as in women, Like seriously because the most recent nigga (Yes NIGGA!) kinda blew me away for no apparent reason. I mean like deadass though I know I am annoying from times, I know I ask the same question over in about 6-7 different ways. Shit its part of me, always have been. I should've never taken people literal when they told me it was ok to ask questions, but shit some of the shit most women tend to not like about me. Are the same things they love about me, like I really do not understand that. I mean yea "I try" hell sometimes too much, in whichever sense you would love to beg to differ about that. Though I seen as much reading as I've been doing about my birthday, Lol yes my bday. The exact day I was born, March 10Th Deadass one of the best days of the year.

I seen alot of reliable and credible information, they basically describes how others and myself act given we were born on March 10th (distant Hooray). If I would not have closed some of the tabs that contained some marquee shit about my self, I would've deadass shared without a doubt. Seemingly I been doing some "Re-evaluating" about former relations, well recent! former relationships. Though when am I not doing that openly? Hell to be totally honest I'm always silently doing this silently, when I am listening to kicks and snares and samples. Like now I'm doing this to some of "Yesterdays New Quintet" & "Jackson Conti" look it up and see what its about, If you actually enjoy listening to things with out lyrics.

Anywhom, I always fall for each and every woman so hard. Do not know why I've always done that, which part of it was stated and touched on in some of those "Pisces Traits" and "Pisces Man" articles I had read. I like deadass tried to undo closed tab at it didnt work to no avail, oh well...On a later blog I'll be sure to revisit some of the points here with concrete evidence behind it. Anywhom back to the topic at hand,I've seriously tried not to give in to the many thoughts or temptations of a supposed "Angry black man". I earned that so called title from some woman, blah. Anyway deadass been feeling tight about a lot of things, I'll eventually elaborate but for now I gotta get right for this visit to the orthopedist. Peg leg Rico Hoppy Out....

The Tinyest Things

Now again it is the peg-leg bastard, Lmao Just checking in.Now I'ma get straight to business with this one, I have no time for the bullshit.

I just caught wind a associate of mines, Me and her crossed paths before. Just lost her son to S.I.D.S, for the slow people who do not know what S.I.D.S..It is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Now that I have dropped alittle knowledge on you people, whoever the fuck you maybe. You should read this to educate yourself on it, then go google some more info if you can or are not hip to this shit.

"SIDS is most likely to occur between 2 and 4 months of age, and 90% occur by 6 months of age. It occurs more often in winter months, with the peak in January. There is also a greater rate of SIDS among Native and African Americans.

The following have been linked to an increased risk of SIDS:

* Babies who sleep on their stomachs
* Babies who are around cigarette smoke while in the womb or after being born
* Babies who sleep in the same bed as their parents
* Babies who have soft bedding in the crib
* Multiple birth babies (being a twin, triplet, etc.)
* Premature babies
* Babies who have a brother or sister who had SIDS
* Mothers who smoke or use illegal drugs
* Teen mothers
* Short time period between pregnancies
* Late or no prenatal care
* Situations of poverty"

Now when I count wind of this VIA facebook, it did not aggravate me until she posted that (S.i.d.s) in her status and it instantly made me think of the possible child I could've had. The broad should remain nameless for sake of bullshit, and it also made me think of my other Ex Ajene. Being that she is so many months along in her pregnancy, So I'm pretty sure you are hip to this being the person you are. If not I urge you to go handle that Asap, because I'll be damned if god forbid this shit happens to you. I do not need for this to be taken lightly, or as anytype of way to establish anything with anyone. Not even the yamp I almost had a child with back in 08 transitioning into 09, but deadass though it really made me think that and put me into a emotional state of mind. Now the following end to this blog is very dear and personal, comment if you would like. If not makes me no difference I am doing this for myself as a form of ventilation...

Kennedy...Daddies unborn girl, I know one thing led to another and you were not able to have been brought into this world. Seriously I believe dad would not have been as ready for you as I thought I would've been, though your mother you would've known was yours if not been her spitting image (Hoped to Jesus you would've been my spitting image). Would have cherished you to this very day, unknowingly you may not have been mines. Though that would have been up for debate of me being the father, I find humor in that now because I did not have to go through it. Though it still bothers me with the thought of you not coming to, I have to deal with it. Day in and day out. Seriously I assume its a form of my fault for not letting go, or more so not taking the topic or subject of child birth lightly. As some women do, though I refer to those who do take child birth lightly. Blind or ignorant, or Animals if you would rather take it that far. Though I would've not known what to do with myself if you would've came to and could've suffered a fate such as s.i.d.s., So for now I hope where ever you are. How ever you are, your watching and maybe waiting to come to a reality. over Whom could've been your mother, and me maybe. I do not know why I am emotional over this, but I am. Maybe one day, Just one day of my own. I will have a child of my own to know or understand the form of love, a child can bring one....Until that day...I love you until my very last dying breath....I bid you adios papi's amiga amor.

Post 265

yessir, Its doe not seem like such a high number. I do not want much with this post besides to blog and let it be known its 265, also and I have the doctor's appt in the am for this torn achilles of mines. This pain still is unbearable, with out the meds. Anyway... off to bed.

Deadass This Pain.

I been up since last night around 11pm, The Vicodin wore off. Since then the pain has came back, and its hurting my danm armpits to use these damn crutches. My hands fucking hurt from gripping them damn things while trying to move around, I seriously should think about asking people to help me more, or do more than just grab me a cup of water. Though I hate asking people for shit, especially shit I know I can normally do for myself. Also to add to that, I know me personally I'll do anything for my crew if they were in the same position I'm in. Though when it comes to me, I'd rather be here in pain because I hate being told "No" or taking the chance of being told such.

Though while at the E.R. on Thursday night, I'm still baffled as to why the "Sr Ray" nigga showed up. Still looking mighty black as fuck might I add, I understand both of my parents be concerned about me from time to time. I still wanted to know why the fuck my mother worries or even fathom's a thought of telling the "Sr Ray" for whatever reason, Then again I assume if I had my daughter...(Pause) rather I would've been in good graces with her mother...(Pause Again) I'd strangle the bitch if she wouldn't hit me on the jack telling me what happened to daddy's little girl. That is another blog for another day, not right now cause I'm in pain. An in dire need to spit some shit out on my blog, and its not even some shit. Just literally pain filled thoughts of a dude with a torn Achilles tendon, this shit really is driving me insane. An forcefully pushes some of my plans black some, Whackshit5 Right? RIGHT!!! I'm dead tight (Very Angry) about this, Like as of lately I been selling out. For the simple fact of I dont feel alot of yall, along with the fact or lack of feeling drawers dag it?

I'm fully feeling like alot of people have forgotten my existence, something like a fully clothed eskimo in a room full of naked folk. The "Elephant in the room" factor str8 just me no attention, no acknowledgment... Now Time to attempt to get dressed. Time For my venture on these crutches....

What a hell of a way to end a damn summer!!

First off, I am now peg leg Ray. I separated my Achilles tendon, in the only way. Hooping...Along with ending my summer. Next step is the surgery..I will say I am afraid, yet I am not. then again I am because I do not want to go through the process of rehab. Anyway time for my vicodin...lmao deadass though. Pics coming soon...

4:17Am

God damn, I'm up again. This is not nothing new to me, seriously it is not. I would rather have woke up in high spirits, in place of waking up slightly hungry and horny. Lmao 2 things that do not even go hand in hand, but yeah I was woken up by Ty punkass floppin' on the damn bed. Bad enough I blacked out (Went to sleep),and now back up lost in my forever splashing thoughts. Oh well, I'm off to the "Red Dead Redemption" Realm...Maybe another blog before I call it sleeps again, when ever that may be...Me encuentro los pensamientos llenados lujuria de pensamiento de mi última mujer de 06,¿Quién es ella? Solamente sabría

Not Totally In Shambles.

Stopit5 slime, ever felt stupid for being a "Fighter" or felt even more stupid for being "passionate"? I have, like deadass though I really fuckin' do though. I was always told never to be sorry or apologize for being passionate about anything or anyone, but what about when it brought you pain and/or borderline obsession. What about when you get trapped in a woman's words? Example: "When you get it together then we could be." Like deadass, that there is what some dudes be going off of. This is not even aimed at anyone in particular, just simple thoughts of a duder who is up at "3am" (Title sound familiar?). Other than that, I've been low key. Dont mind the ignorant webcam pics in this post, I was having fun playing on the webcam deadass. plus a few of those pictures were for someone to see my braids, the others were for my own ignorant purpose.

I have almost completely lost all faith in women, like seriously and that is not even to tie into my previous post where I said something about "No money, No job. No Love". Like I sat down with my big bro Quest (Clark) and chatted him up on the topic, given he's almost 30 he is very insightful. He begged to differ, I cannot remember for the life of me what his comment on my status on FB when I said it in spanish. Though he said something close to "It shows one self worth." , and back to the conversation that was. He told me he noticed that I have a fighter's spirit, maybe lack there of hunger. Though added it may be due to the fact I feel I always been defending myself for however long, which kinda put a inside dance of victory on light for me. Knowing someone else noticed, an yet again I heard the cliche' "Your time is coming" hell its taken too long. Duder is 23 now and I've came a long way if I must say so myself, though I am karma is a thick enticing bitch who is having her way with me. Deadass like awkward I met another woman who introduce herself to me while hanging out in Pontiac,MI by the name of Rachele, I like seriously made the face you see below this paragraph. I think all women named Rachele are the fucking devil themself, Just like women name Ajenae (my lil sister) along with the other form of Ajene. Are either man eaters in the making or full fledge dick snappers (Inside), but um like really though she seems cool. Only thing is this Rachele is a year older than I, and the most intriguing thing is her bday is March 8th. I would said the thought of her 2 children scares me out of my cargo shorts, but I'm kid friendly. So I didnt fully shit myself yet, I cant get with the fact that I totally feel indifferent to women as I use to. Like I'm seriously not really saying too much of anything, not being as friendly. When conversation pops off, I am like really not there. Its not even like I stare at limbs (most times I dont) but I do not give them the bubbly look I use to, I am more in tuned to just trying to stay to myself. Could it be about twat? nah, far from it. So far its far fetched with a leak in its hand (Pokemon-Flow), Then not to mention I just do not feel...I dont know, I cant really explain the notion on that note.

Though I will say this, I deadass know for a fact (Insert Whomever name here) we will meet again. Soon, very very soon so count your hours. Dont be speculatin' me landing anytime soon, when we do meet (Insert Whomever name here) it will be ever-essence at its best. Please please puhlease believe that, I could be talking shit...It could be Media gone take review out. (Sly smile) Or most def...The Ugly herbal. Dig that? Ummm other than that, it has been on hell of a fucking year. Nonetheless Jan-Present day, yea....elevator status. take that how you want, and my year doesnt even seem like it is about to slow down. So could it be more shit for me to get away from? or has my past finally came for its payment? However it is interpreted, its all on you. As far as me? I do not know, but I know "Not knowing what I'm doing is what keeps me going is what keeps me keeping up, Not knowing what I proving is what keeps me flowing"..As i inhale the diesel, I try to paint pictures with no easel. I no its no equal, Tried going with its so peaceful. Though I go over your head no hat...So gone head fallback, anyone reading this blog. Know anything the broad can say is all facts, Don king brilo pad ass chicken. Its all good mami get yours, Wont be the first nor will I be the last nigga. I just attempt to find that peace of mind I swore I had with her or you. or someone else...how ever it figures itself out. Rick Ray will always have something to say...Deadass!? Deadass!

You Should Write A Comment On My Blog...Lmao!

I really, and do mean really want this one woman. I have yet to make it known,then on top of that. I've became a firm believer in the way things have became, Though I do not agree with it. Because it is supposed to be unconditional love, before the wealth or stability if you will. Seemingly I see if you have no money as a male, black male might I add. You will not have love, no form of it at all. Random thoughts of someone living "In the life after" deadass though...