I Was Lost

As I kicked back with simple thoughts of why I have not been blogging, I had the sharp idea of being honest with lead me to post "In My Absence" over at "TheSingleTrio" sadly enough. Which was a great thing, I will not take anything away from that. Not in the least I couldn't pull myself to do it, I just have had this empty feeling after leaving my heart on the table for my readers (If there are any left out there.). Along with the fact my now admitted blogging Mentee or Student as some would say, called me out on the "To Hell Wit' It Friday's (Chocolate Addiction Edition). I'll admit it always takes for her to say something slick or something that sparks in my mind. Which typically always leads to a blog post, Just I have not been around enough or long enough to blog as rapidly as I used to. Though each and everytime I do blog I try to take a new approach to my posts, rather it be here or TheSingleTrio. I attempt at trying to speak about something utterly thought provoking from a conversation, or a tweet I've seen or twitter conversation. Just I would simply not have enough time to sit and squeeze out everywhere thought I had, or considered "Thought provoking" which would ultimatley run dry for blogging material. Since I try not to incorporate everything or everyone into my work of art, That I label as blogging.

For example, there are countless thought's one have while enjoying a movie. Even a simple case of "Family" watching, Just like I'm going to side step at this very moment to say what I am about to at this very moment. I really do enjoy blogging, rather it is for this site of my own or it be TheSingleTrio. I never had any intention of gaining any notoriety from doing this, let alone any readers. When I first began, I started it on Myspace (Like many others before me) Which was just a simple avenue for getting a little anger off of my chest. For those times when I felt lonely, or I had no one I could vent to outside of my godparents when it came to feeling as if no one would understand me. Which happened very often during the tail end of my teen years, lame? Probably depending on whom you are reading this. To myself? Not lame in the least bit, for I am probably 1 of millions who feel/felt such a way throughout the teen years..Let alone years into Adulthood.

Now please do not be upset with me for I am probably going to go further off into my own past, but this is what blogging is about right? especially for those who like to be open with their readers correct?

To backtrack to my original point I was hoping to convey before I sidetracked on you all, outside of using blogging as a avenue to vent. I was hoping someone out there would read it, given I've said plenty of times in my blogs. I do this to let someone know that if they may be feeling their could be hell or worse. This is a possible way to let that one person know from the bottom of my heart everytime, that I am one who could relate or be showing you my life through theater eyes that your life may be worse or as equal as my own. Yet I asked myself, how could i say such a thing when I do not speak of everything I go through on a daily basis? Simple, some people may not care to relive the events of the day that followed. May go as far to say may not even rememeber the events of that day in total. Hell to be a little more honest, I really do not even get the chance to speak about every thought that passes throughout my mind with much of anyone on a day-to-day basis. I'd love to lord knows I would, just at times I am more worried about those around me in place of my own sanity. Which is how I typically am as a person, given a select "Ex" said it'd be my downfall. In which case could be true, not because she said it. Just as a Pisces its a typical "+" and "-" of being born of the Pisces Zodiac I would assume, I'm just not about to get all "Ms. Cleo" on you since I do not have my headwrap or my tarrot cards lol.

Anywhom to further this while I have the time to, I also blog/blogged to get those around me to read. Also hopefully leave comments, in which case I see I may have been barking up the wrong tree. Also blog to have more to connect with them about, make for more conversational subjects. "Table talk" if you will, In which case again I feel like I could've possibly barked up the wrong tree. Which all in all is just a minor setback I assume bloggers go through, while being "Open" so I do not really take it personal like I once did. I like deadass had taken it very personal, I let it influence how I dealt with people outside of my family...Even some of the people in my family I seen on a everyday basis.

Funny thing overall though, I was part of the reason a lot of those around me had gotten a blog (It sounds mighty arrogant of me to say that, though It is true depending on who you ask or associate my name with when it comes to blogging.), just like myself and my sister Fe had all confined in a 5 subject notebook we called "Yellow 6". So it was more so like a real life diary/Journal where we'd spill our innermost thoughts and have corresponding entries, rater it was both from the same day, or 2 different subjects. Which was dope, I still wish we had those notebooks for nostolgic purposes. It was some how lost years ago, but moving forward. I was the reason Ty, Britt, Ajene, "Boogie" (Jessica) had all gotten blogs..Oh yeah also Egan, which was all cool. It garnered a closer bond between us all, reason we had more to talk about once that "awkward silence" was approaching or could be happening. Now no one blogs, well the majority of those I named, I'm not sure if Britt still uses her blog, but for most definitely I know everyone else does not use theirs.

I still use mines, as you all see damn near 500 some odd posts later I still having something to talk about. I've shared my break-ups, My ups & downs, My low points, My borderline sucidal points. my everything, especially the loss of my great aunt Mary. That point was a very...very low one in my life, given I was still mourning her loss while mad at the world she was called home. Not too mention as her birthday came around in 2010, I was enduring the post break up syndrome. Then my other Family had lost their great grandmother, which hit home as if it was losing Mary to me all over again. So I tried to remain strong for them while battling my own demons, which they did help me deal with. Outside of the random trysts, rebound chick, and drinking and pain I seriously lost track of time throughout that part of my life. Which I'm pretty sure its well documented through this blog.

Now that I've made it some 5-6years blogging, I came to the realiztion that I've grown also matured a lot. Especially after reflection of my past blogs, which let me say this is that you can also read it all from beginning to end. I managed to have had the bright idea to post ALL of my blogs, including the one's from my Myspace page up until my most recent. Just like the only blogs you probably will not see posted on my site would be the blogs I constructed over at SvB (Shirts Vs Blousses), that I was part of through my now ex gf's friend Omitra. Which was a great blogging experience for me, seeing it was the first blogging trio I was apart of that I did not have the proper chance of havuing some chemistry with outside of blogging. Along with the fact I actually based the whole "Group blogging" aspect off of one of my favorite trio blogs, ThreeWaysToTakeIt.com Which is now put to rest. So I was not really let down when I found myself randomly removed from that trio over at SvB because I was no longer fucking her bestfriend, Which was my captivated me to move along. In hopes of a new blog home with a new crew, Just didnt know where to start or who to start with. So in closing as far as that went, the other blog's you will not see outside of SvB are my blog's on my Facebook account. Unless your my FB friend you will not be seeing them, Unless I decide to share it as a "Throwback Post" over at TheSingleTrio.

Which brought up my newest brainchild, I was working on back in Oct-Nov of 2010. Which was the early stages of "TheSingleTrio", which was originally titled "TheSingleDuo" that would've consisted of my good friend Lauren & myself. I've always been a fan of her work, she's less conventional also waaayy less traditional when it comes to blogging. Its the raw emoition that she exuded out of work that made me want to join up with her, to have a blog where we could have a "call and response" sort of blog. Later in like Dec of 2010, we added my blogging protege' Alicia who had a blog of her own at the time just for her poetry. Along with a few notes of her own on FB, which made me kind of shove her into blogging. Not knowing she was a adamant reader of my blog, Which was surprising I didnt think she cared for blogs like she did. Just recently she actually called me her "Blogging Mentor", it initially threw me for a loop. Then after sitting and thinking on it through out the day, I actually smiled from ear to ear. Knowingly someone held me in such a high honor was an honor of its own right, I cannot thank her enough for holding me in such a regard when I feel completely underserving of it.

I just wanted to cover a few of the things that were on my mind as I sit here blogged this out for a few hours, probably would've been a shorter time depsite the track changes I made. Also I got caught up in watching "The Bad Girls Club" lmao yes, fuck your life if your laughing with me, not at me but with me. I tend to watch some of the shit that pops off on there. Also some of the chicks are sexy, not as sexy as Catya...But deadass not close..but normally fuckable nah mean my g?

Other than that if you made it this far in my reading, Salute! I applaud you for rocking with me, also by the way Teal Lazy I know your gonna read this at your free time. Keep up the good work G, Your going places with yoru music. An I'll always be here by the side to make sure you succeed. ~ Signed: Brother from another...