This would've been...

A emo post, but fuck it. I'm good on earth,this place is full of deceitful ass people. I think I'm trying alil too hard, Then not too mention the fact of that potential job didnt hit me back due to my record, I understand whats seen is seen. It was 5 yrs ago, An I didnt have anything to do with it. Just so happen I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and ended up taking the fall for it.

Not to mention, I am starting to believe I've lost sight of her. I would elaborate, but I am alil to honest to say what feel here. Without saying it face to face atleast...Just know I'm deadass mad about alot of things an I refuse to sit and be quiet about it. (Like I ever sit and be non-vocal about something at all anyway)

Dropping.

I found comfort in the melody that you sang to me.
Even though it stole my smile away from me.
As the curve of my lips fell down,
Like buildings on fire, burning to the ground.
Breaking down, breaking down.
To the sound, of your beautiful voice.

Let's clear something up.

For the record there is someone out there who has such a big issue with something they know nothing about, For here is one of the downfalls of someone like myself living an "Open-book" lifestyle. For this certain person fails to understand, what she reads is completely different from what goes on. Like reading a novel, you get the picture or the memory the author is painting for you. Though some never live the exact picture or moment that person has went through, let alone every thought that has or has not made the book itself.

Just like if you continue to read a certain authors novel, or open journal. That does not mean there is a play-by-play commentary of every minute of his/her day going on, only those around him knows the situation or what happened that day. Also, I rarely ever speak of things in deep detail unless it bothers me. For those that know me personally can vouch, just like those who know I listen to Charles Hamilton more often than not at all. If those who listened to me while offering the experience to see where I get some of my quotes from would be more enlightening for those 4 quotes in my previous blog were all Lyrics from some of my fav. CH songs Only 2 people would know that.... It would've been a 3rd if the short monster had listened inplace of coming around looking for more reason to talk shit, about something she knew nothing of. In which case I've been single since July 2k10 (2010 for the dumb people), also Not I was dumped nor tossed to the side. Just gave up, now if it is to be considered that...So be it. I'm not in to relationship politics with those who never listen, Its part of life along vs living..

~ADMIN. Note~

For I had such a longer blog than this, given the power reset on me. I now have became pissed, and will not be able to recreate the other 7 paragraphs that were in this. So Let's just roll with this...

Am I Wrong Or Am I Stupid?

I must have "Fool" written across my fucking face obviously, not too mention I am growing mighty tired of being patient. An giving 2nd-3rd chances, just to have dirt kicked in my face.

"My love it's on the line..."

"I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired. Your love isn't fair, you live in a world where you didn't listen. And you didn't care, so I'm floating... I'm floating on air."

"It's over."

"Go away! Go away! Go away..."

It pissed me off, talking about I let go. He hasnt yet, Deadass though I hate when I get overlooked or underestimated everytime. Its cool though, I'm not gonna say I'm ok with it. Though she cant let go of him, Which hurts more so bothers me every fucking time.

It Aint Perfect.

There is a song out there that has the ability to slay people because the minute we hear the shit we all relapse & start to travel back in time...to that "one" relationship, that one confrontation, that 1 time, that 1 person.

It gets me everytime because I start thinking about what we could have said, how I wish she felt, what I wish she had done or didn’t do. I personally get to wondering asking myself why and wondering what could have been. clingy? I assume so...Then again I looked it up and I dont think I personally fit that criteria:

1. To hold fast or adhere to something, as by grasping, sticking, embracing, or entwining
2. To remain close; resist separation
3. To remain emotionally attached

Well maybe numero 3....But it is up for debate.

For me this relationship is all about shits & giggles. It honestly takes me back to our second YES! 2nd for the slow ones (or was it third? Who can fucking remember anymore?) breakup. Without going into major detail, let me say this she did something fucked up and I found out about it while we were in a public-fucking place. My reaction...was probably the closest I’ve ever came to doing bodily harm to a woman in public and yet when I calmed and tried to talk to her, she fucking refused. Again she just walked away, Which I honestly do hate. I dont mind you looking at me like your dumb, Just do not (DO FUCKING NOT!!) Walk away from me.

I remember being so pissed that after everything that had happened she could just turn her back and stroll off and leave me crying on the inside like that (SHE TOOK EVERYTHING!!!! *in my kevin hart voice). It was one of the few times I really ever felt like she would never always be there for me (though she swears I played her).

So when Lauryn Hill's bridge of "Ex-factor" starts singing: “care for me care for me, care for me/i know you care for me/there for me, there for me said you’d be there for me/cry for me, cry for me you said you’d die for me/give to me, give to me why don’t you live for me?”

It just pisses me the fuck off in its entirety…gets me. I end up right back in that spot of being completely upset about what the fuck she did also mad at myself for my dumbass initial reaction and bereft (Did you see what I said there? Yea, I said it fucka) by the fact that I won’t talk to her or listen to what she has to say. If I’m not careful I will get choked the fuck up at that very part of the song. So if your late listen, if you know what I mean. Listen again and get reacquainted quickly...



An to that East Lansing reader. Atleast comment...Or ask what happened...If your not so caught up calling someone "Pathetic" Deadass though...

Something for someone Who I felt knew me best.

I have to admit I am scared of something when it comes to the thought of you or what we once had, We both dreamed the same dream. That we both fell deeply & passionately in love, with no boundaries. With each others love, I personally became something better. Feeling like I had found someone to live for, but that one day in winter and that spring of that same year. the 3 of us were awoken to the notion, that me being with neither one of you. We were all still alone...Damn near through everything.

For I guess you could say if you cared enough or even still thought of me, I am a tad bit afraid of those people who say they believe in "true love". From what I understood about the world, Those who love passionately also hate passionately too. Though I am fully capable of both, which was proven. I am more prone to the hatred...If that's strong enough to feel.

You can start shaking & moving all around.

So for the time being, everything has been some what calming. Not many issues, more time to just be left alone and think. Do I miss it? No, Why would I? Do I care? Maybe, I'm not gonna even elaborate on that. *Shrugs* Life goes on, dont it? Oy-vey this fragile life. Moving on, just wanted to update a lil. I do have a more detailed blog coming up, I just didnt feel it. Aight? laters.