Late Night Thoughts: One thing that subtly bothers me.

So I happen to have a fistful of blogs I've either, Not finished or did not post for certain reasons. Yet given I tend to free some of them, I prefer to sit on them for a long time. In place of freeing them for a certain someone seeing a blog, and going off on a tangent blowing something way out of proportion. Lol given I've been given more time to the other blogsite I am apart of, I enjoy being over there. Gives me more time to actually be on a bigger stage, plus Alicia is part of the reason I fire off alot of blogs over there. So without further a due, here is one of the blogs I tended to have sat on. Now I will be doing remake of this one over at the other blogsite, though this is the original here...speaking about 2 different heart breaks.

The 7 Stages of "Rick Ray's Heartbreak":

I've spoken to a few people about this who mattered in my life at one point and time, and still felt nothing as really accomplished in regards to me freeing that bird. Yet I still feel no bottom-line was reached, Then I often go inside of my dome and talk to myself about everything. I mean who doesnt? Lol if I am the only one fuck you! dont judge me.

I assume it’s safe to say that just all of us have had our hearts broken atleast once. I’m damn sure not talking about your parents telling you that "you’re a big mistake" or a friend bailin' on you that one time when there was a white woman and you were too drunk to make a run for it Lol. Nah, I am talking about failed "I am in love relationship" an the brutal rejection that came with it. It is a very confusing experience, the heartbreak is what I speak of. This is my newest attempt at trying to make sense of it all again.

Stage 1: Denial

Someone had just broken my heart, and I deadass was tight like “This bitch has to be joking” I kept telling myself that this really aint shit. Just a obstacle in my loving love I had and it will pass. It’s very surreal at first, though the cold truth eventually found its way into my head. "It’s over, it is really over." The initial shock kicked in hard. It’s finally over.

Stage 2: Anger

I was then in a constant state of “What the fuck!?” mood. Still making a vital attempt at trying to figure out what the fuck is really happening to me? I was like a rabid rabid (Yes I love that video game) who just lost its Mischievous side. I was going to bite everything. My sole purpose in life at the moment right then was to write angry blog, post emo-filled Facebook status messages and Twitter updates, kick puppies IN THE FUCKING FACE!! Casualties were often took: My friends, My family, countless innocent Internet commentators and so on.

Stage 3: Bargaining

I felt like a terrorist (ALLAHU AHKBAR!!! *Poof*). I tried to wiggle my way out of the situation. I made promises I did not intend on keeping. Suddenly, I was talking to god. Willing to give everything and really do anything for another chance with her. I begged & pleaded much. Jesus Christ, I begged. But of course, I was ultimately DENIED!!

Stage 4: Depression

I posted embarrassing blog entry after entry. I quoted song after song, read poem and watched movies & things we've enjoyed together. I stopped being visible & talking to people. I went back home immediately after hanging with my bro's or just out in general to curl up in a ball, I drug myself out of bed each morning and couldn’t wait to sleep at night. I want to sleep in the dream world forever. I mean it had gotten pretty ugly for me.

This is where things gotten really sad for me leading up to that May. Most would go back to Stage 1 and repeat this whole process over & over & over until one of these 3 things happened to me personally:

-I had fallen out of love and felt she wasn't worth it, With no intent on making up for what she had did.
-I had came to terms with the fact that it probably was never going to work out ever again and it was time to move on to the next stage/person, In which I had did. Prior to losing Mary.
-Then I lost Mary (1/11/11 Happy belated birthday Mary L. Dial) I love you more than ever, and still feel as if I had failed you...Which is another blog for another day.

Stage 5: Acceptance

I had managed to get out of the Stages 1-4 repeating like a favorite song, I finally accepted fate. I realized that there was nothing wrong in giving up hope on someone that called me destructive to their being. It was OK to quit, I’d still be legit. I fought for my feelings and you lost terribly. All is fair in Love and War, I learned the hard way... It was time to start the healing process, with the new woman who had came along. Like she silently snuck her big booty ass in the back door..

Stage 6: Her...

This is sort of an extension of Stage 5. I’ve made peace with my broken heart but I was still wondering...if I should give one last try. In which I did, I heavily considered that possibility (twice over, ask about the kisses) but I eventually decide against it. I just went on to rock with the big booty zilla and wash away all the negativity of the whole past experience & I celebrated the good times of old, with new. I opened my heart and realized our love was true (I dont know why I am admitting it now...Though it was). I had gotten hurt but it’s time for me to move on.

Stage 7: The New Beginning!

At that point, my heartbreak was history. I was now ready to get back in the game with a new ass I was pounding and a revitalized soul. I was looking forward to finding paradise once more with the new woman. I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to go through "Heartbreak Hell" all over again.

But of course, I did. all because of? Look for me on the other blogsite for those that know of it... To see what happened...Thank you.