2 A.M.

I’ll label this on “2 A.m.” since it just so happens to be the time while I’m doing this, any whom I miss the everyday blog world. Then again I despise it since I was blogging everyday of one the most depressing as moments of my entire existence, but that is not why I am blogging at the moment. I just wanted to reflect on my day while in the office (On the toilet), which is one of the most refreshing mind freeing things I’ve should’ve been up on lol. Which was up and down by the way, I got to see my manz Chick Wigity (Chicky Wing) and Ty along with Britt. Great lil time with them especially with my manz Chicky, other than that being the highlight of my day I came across some more music I’m diggin’ and will have to listen to more often. Jim Jones & DJ Webstar’s “The Rooftop” is dope I finally got Teyana Taylor’s (HARLEM STAND UP!!!) “A Planet Called Harlem” mixtape which is what I’ve been expecting to get, and seeing my love Ajene attitude and all since she came in Irritated for whatever reasons I know not of. I believe it is because of me and minor other things, then again it could not be about me but I fairly do believe it is because of me mostly given something we talked about earlier. I am sitting here in my chair now as I type this as she sleeps, lord knows I love this woman more than a lot of things in this fucked up world and seeing the end of us would be another shock to my world and heart. Given me blogging about this will probably piss some of my readers off but I say again I spill my soul and then some on this fucking blog, not for the sake of you to read or see if your life is better and or worse but for my own well being as an outlet when I do not have my bro’s or my lady as you see. I mean deadass though I am still hurt over the things that have been said throughout a conversation earlier, I would rather get lost than have her feeling such a way. Seeing as the whole “Cramping” or “smothering” someone with my love and affection…hell it could be my presence but I would rather go get lost for the duration of her to have her space, hell if need be I’ll go to my godparents or my grandmothers…shit if drastic measures had to be taken I’d go spend the evening in a park or homeless shelter. Now {Pause} some will probably take those last statements out of proportion, but it is not to be taken lightly or too heavily. Do understand me and what I say, those are just my thoughts and or possible things I am willing to do and or go for just for the one I love and cherish. I just want everything to be perfect; even though nothing is ever perfect I aim to strive for it. Can you blame me for it? The fuck is wrong with that? I enjoy every lasting moment we share as if it could come crashing down at any given moment, I believe in my heart it will not but it has been a proven fact that what I feel in my heart is not what will happen in reality. I’m used to it but I will continue to strive and fight to keep it alive, even though I’m speaking as if things are on bad terms when it is not. Just a few bumps in the road to the promise land which is I feel like I’m already there every day, I refuse to be pushed out of heaven again…Yeah I said again since I was forced out the first time and I snuck back in through the back door, call me “Mr. The Special Uninvited Guest”. Oh Yeah! I’m also pissed at the fact I didn’t even receive another homecoming hug or kiss, but given she was and probably will still be irritated when she reads this probably will not land me one. Oh well I’ll get it eventually, I cannot stress enough how happy and content I am or how happy and content I think I make you. Given the last few days have not shown any progress in anyway but I have yet to give up hope though, well this will conclude my rant of the day or my 2 A.m. shit I had plans on doing. I could keep going but I’m sleepy from laying next to her without her even laying or touching me and vice versa, which is hard to believe in the midst of me being lost in the ipod once I hopped out the shower. She didn’t say nothing to me or attempted to tell me she love me but that’s it so laters people…