Just Speaking....

Deadass If/when I had the chance to make a time capsule of how I felt in every defining moment in my life, it would possibly be the biggest opus you'd see right here before you.This was made around the time I was listening to "ElevatorMusik", by curren$y was made and I just decided I'd blog away maybe. It's buggin me out how life now - especially after the rocky end of 09 and start of 2010 went on thru the shit I am enduring now.


This blog is my personal story of growth, struggle, identification, placement and most importantly - finding out myself and learning to love myself. Which in case, I've done quite fondly so far, thanks to a few dirtbags from my past (No shots fired for now). Thirty expletives of sound - some hip-hop, some chill, some drum-n-bass, some electronica, some ambient, and some just... Explain how I feel throughout the day. As always, once more I'd like to take the time out to thank ALL of you that have supported me thus far - even if you dont leave a compliment, you help reaffirm why I do what it is that I do and why there will never be a question or doubt in my mind that I cannot get to live my dreams.



I've kinda learned to shake the hands of all, to greet many. While I salute the few and honor the honorable in the name of a dollar - so sue me. I would say it is how I was raised in a asinine capitalistic society, but then they'd say I am whacked out or that I'm "making excuses". Do I accept submission and failure? Not most times. I do understand the rules of this match and how the mind can be easily ensnared/tainted. There are certain parts of me that at times believe this world we live in will come to a stand still. So humanity may end or that we crash at the hands of our own shit, but also we know that we spent too much time doing BULLSHIT. Surviving has always been survival, settling? Settling is like cutting off your own dick/clit, or in my case - heart. I will not try to settle. Yes, I have before. I will make sure my child does not go hungry, is well taken care of. Always has fresh clothing on his/her (I swear I feel might have a girl when someone does get preggo by me) I'll know my role as a responsible father. It just bites that I know it will not be the first 2 women, I actually wanted to procreate with.



Anyone would fold in that predicament. Not I, though I know many who have. And also arose to the occasion.



I'll choose to fly.

Because it's for my child (When I do have one).

It'll be our life.



I cruise, lol more so crutch the streets with a gloomy face or chipper look on not to get attention...even though the shock value of someone actually being friendly amuse me. I do this because we as humans trust too much in what we see. I am here to make a statement as in to what? Dont know just yet. I am at times feeling abnormal, but in the most beautiful way possible. Supernatural, if you will. Therefore my persona should reflect it. My life is DIMENSIONAL and I want the world to know that. It's amazing just to walk this planet knowing that you are could be a beacon of light and love that doesn't need to speak at all to be heard. My method of communication is with the heart, as reflected in my day-to-day and my music. I never considered myself just a "beatmaker" - accept when i would deliberately make beat tapes.

Otherwise, I was just a digital beginner with a mouse and a keyboard. I didn't come up on MPC's like the rest - maybe that's what makes me different. I just came up on the dope funk hip-hop had to offer, graduated to rock, drifted into eletronica, then back around in different ways...different genres. Then I learned to chop 'em. I wanted to challenge myself. I'm completely unique and there will never be another unheard like me. So why take life into my own hands? Why be SELFISH with my gift? I used to want to be one of those kids who got mad enough and dark inside. Fuck it, right? At least that'll stop the system for a day...nope.



Everybody wants to blame my love for music. I'm fucking glad I found music. MUSIC! saved me from getting worse. I was long ago when I actually got into it, say around 15. - I waited until I was 20 like the late bloomer I was, but when I listened?...it changed my whole perspective on life. Why live depressed because you feel that's all you can do? All you can achieve? F*ck that! I knew my style and my love for art was too much for this system to handle - so I jetted. I'm good with that. I'll let my creativity speak for itself. This way when I am living off of it, I always know that I never gave up on myself (much). I had doubtful moments, but always knew what was best for me.

GOD always knew what was best for me.