May 13th 2008

I've had a good day/evening with 2 out of the entire group...actually 3...I'm helping Felicia with her paper again... and also discussing problems with Egan (Big Bro) In my eyes even though i seem like i am the crutch or the Advice dude to come to from time to time...but hey not everyone is perfect...but on thing that has been constantly making me stay up at night...which is the real reason why i rarely sleep now is....
The fact that i'm still not happy with anything in the least bit, given the fact i love the people around me and support some of the shit that they are doing...well most of them...for example I'm extremely proud that Ty is on his Grown Man shit and doing the damn thing...getting ready to show the world how much of a good father he'll be and become...To my future Godson Mon'Tay Ty'rell Walker...I cant wait to hold him and take pictures with my nephew...lol Its kinda akward to say that cuz i'm not use to being so close to being a uncle in the first place...not so soon...and that is my 2nd god child....my first god child is Nijah'...I love her dearly but due to how shit is in this blasted world i dont see her as often as i would like but i due know she is doing extremely well cuz her mother (My bestfriend Candace) also keeps me updated on her and the fam...but i know in my heart and all Tyler is going to be a extraordinary father...

but anyway back to the subject at hand i've discussed this with Egan earlier and i do not beleive Someone close to me i hold as a brother of the highest caliber getting engaged so soon was a terrible mistake i've seen this move (Situation) happen multiple times and it doesnt end right at all...it's like watching a movie while rooting for the bad guy but no need to watch the end because the bad guy typically dies right?...well thats how i feel about it..

on top of that the way he is going about it is completely ass backwards why get engaged to someone whom you know for so little time...and i do mean little time...i understand its egagement but still the next step would be marriage coorect? and usually i'm quite quiet about things of that nature and this time its getting out of hand too soon and too quickly because someone's judgement is quickly clouded and fogged to where he cant see his own hand or the ground he walks on...i'm not really befuddled at the fact that this has happen but the events thats partaking are not in line with life itself....i dont understand how some folk mary young unless you have a child out of wedlock then it is understandable but typically the person your forced to marry is or has played some role in your life from childhood days correct?

I will never understand that personally because my expiriences with love it self has taught me few lessons that only a hard headed person would know and doing with me beleiving in what goes around comes around i have yet to receive my just deserts for my wrong doing as far as relationships so i know i will not find true love or happiness until that flaw is fufilled...Therefore so honestly until some female attempts to show me otherwise i'll just be feeling as if i am intended to be fucked over in the game...but then again i feel as if one of my comrades beleives in chasing money and women coming along with it...but he shows he's into chasing women over money...like they say actions speak very louder and clearer than words....And i believe in my brother more than anyone else has ever believed in anyone because of the times when we were down we came out stronger than ever but than eventually there will be 2 different paths taken instead of 1.....I dread that day to happen but it will...

but i dread the day to come any sooner than you would think...I am hell bent on making every good thing last forever because i am The One who is determined to make sure Me,Egan,Chris,Felicia,Angel,Tyler,And Mommy Alicia JaKobe All Stay United because if this comes to and end this will be the final act and there will be no sequel to anything...
I felt i shown my loyalty countless times when thing were hetic even when shit wasnt fair on our end i still stood and marched on and even burned bridges and still i receive no thanks or nothing...only because i am not in it for the success that comes with it..but simply for the love and Admiration that comes with being loyal and i'll be damned if it all falls the fuck apart..even if karma wants to give me my just due rather its in relationship or bonds i've had i refuse to sever those bonds for no one and nobody and i intend for it to stay that fucking way