To Not....

Wattup world? Yet again i find myself becoming more and more miserable that i started and seems like every now and then i lose something i worked hard to get and or try to keep. Fucked up right!? yea, i know its just i would rather have her and these problems and i know for some of my long time readers. You are all probably tired of hearing me whine and lose sleep over this one particular woman...I mean not to say i'm new to this shit as far as relationship's goes in general, but with that said i've done things i'd say i'd never either attempted with a woman i was mentally and physically attached to and then to ave her and the whole "Child" episode play out like it did really made me wanna just go off of the deep end and like black seriously
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It so much shit i want answered but will never get answered rather its from her and or my own crew cuz they were not in this relationship, and yet I'm the one left to be the one why shit turned out the way it did? Am I honestly the reason why it turned out like this? Yes, i brought i on myself but i was building that castle with her and it's like child blocks it got kicked the hell over in millions of pieces. Nonetheless I'm in a pissed S.O.M. (State Of Mind) this is really like not gonna go well for me, how will it go for her? i do not know since she wants to go out and have fun and not have to worry about nothing at all. Shit i care nonetheless but still with all that being said and her feeling like she's trapped and or caged she's free now....
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All i want now is what little stuff is mines that is over there so i can leave her alone and go back to my piece of sanity which is here and the music. This here is really making me hate alot of things and or people, like seriously i dont know why i'm having the same exact problems thats reminds me of the Bridgette nigga...like all of a sudden i've grown very bitter and have alot of animosity to those who have some one in their life rather its a baby momma or girlfriend or fiancee' i mean like because its something i used to believe i had like love and respect and sentimental shit will never ever get you far in a relationship
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I leave my family for a month and come back to open arms like i have not ever left, and yet it feels great but in the same sense i was enjoying where i was at like i felt i got one of the brass rings i chase on the regular...but i feel as if i was wrong as shit...
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And she seemingly does not know she makes herself more of a dream than a reality with the things she says and or claims what makes her feel such a way...there is no more of a way for me to confess my love for her which just might i hope not changes to hatred..i do not go at her in the least bit for revenge or nothing hell i do not even think of that i'll just take it out on my god parents when i go back home(their crib)
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Like i just need a new therapist...Lol i do have one its called Music...its called temporary relief, none the less its temporary i want to go drink myself into a nightly acoma but their is nothing in the liquor cabinet hard enough to make me forget the pangs of this world
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And its always this or your doing that which like really presses me toward the door against my own free will...Well I'm still conversating with this woman while i'm typing this so i'm calling it a night....atleast on the blog note if i cant fall asleep i'll be back sooner than you may think...