Deadass though for a bit though. I have been keeping a tight seal door on this post, because I didn’t wanna come across as emo, which I probably already do in most of these blogs. Fuck around and lose my FB friends, my irl friends. Then I'll have to go steal and ride a scooter off a jagged cliff.
Like alot of my readers out there, I have been....Many a times hurt before. Each time that this happened, I’ve grown colder and awkwarder (Yes!I make up words fuck you dont judge me). Doesn’t mean I walk around body'n every xy chromosome and not calling them after I pop then vanish away in the night. I’m far from that type duder. I mean that I keep finding items falling out of my trunk as I drag it away from the baggage claim at "Mypast International Airport."
There were points in time where I really thoughtlessly did thoughtful things. There are also points in time where chica's started with my trust & it was their's to lose if they fuck up. Also there was a point an time where I really didn’t have to ask subtle questions about where you were, or who was that duder that was that she hugged for a .3 milliseconds too long. There were times where I didn’t expend so much of my life energy trying to find the fucking tragic flaw upfront rather than just fucking letting things progress naturally and learning along the damn way.
I used to openly acknowledge that I didn’t have the emotional resilience that women are obviously notorious for. Most dudes do not rather they care to admit it or not, and this is why it takes us so long to love... or maybe at least get to a point where we are completely open and honest with you. Don’t have to rack your brain figuring out how we feel about you. So deadass, I do tend to get over things and eventually try to bounce back, but it does take a lot longer than I’d for like it to. Let me spit some talk talk for a quick sec specifically about heartbreak deadass though.
Heartbreak, whatever the jagged reason. Has always been one of the biggest bullies in life. It has been one of the few things in my world that has made me not wanna go to school, work or anywhere else other than a bed or couch. Even a chick you wouldnt give play to on a sunnyday (or maybe its just me.). Heartbreak has taken my emo lunch tokens one too many damn times and left me quick to put a Malcolm X hand over the pocket on my shirt that covers the most valuable part of me. Heartbreak has given me plenty nightmares than alcohol and benadryl together. It has drained me more than the heat of a mid-summer day after hooping and left me infinitely re-charging No ion battery. It Sucks.
No! I don’t need a damn tissue! I’m fine...Just go away... But anyway…
As I was moping around looking discouraged due to the things that happened in my past. Yes sorta, Was I listening to old Ginuwine while asking myself "why oh why?" Hell yea. Was I struggling in my ability to find and maintain that productive relationship where as the only thing I could worry about is making sure she’s happy? Yeah, I am. Did I find myself feeling equally as not really fufilled after sex as I did beforehand, deadass I realized I didn’t care about the woman laying next to me? Yep,shit that happens too. Am I more ambiguous in describing how I feel? now as a result of past mistakes and pain? Yuppers. The whole “love like you’ve never been hurt” doesn’t get a damn seat at my table. I will continue to go muse about it cautiously until that special woman that makes me a better person so makes the whole idea of heartbreak a fucking afterthought. How is that for your pipe to smoke it?
I say all of this to say yall are not the only ones that get your feelings hurt, or jerked and your emotions rattled. Just deadass remember that the guy you can’t get to commit, can’t get to tell you how he feels and can’t seem to make any sense of may have taken a traumatizing ride on the emotional roller coaster. deadass you have 2 choices. Either stay and work with him or be off to the next one.
Also if you’re one of the people out there being shady to a damn good man, you’re probably fucking up the game for at least 5 to 10 women. Love changes a duder and it is not always for the better more so when heartbreak is involved.
That’s all I got.
I really don’t need a tissue and if you keep asking I’ll punch you in the face bitch. lmao deadass though
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