Beats, Rhymes, Art, Life & Love.

Man dealing with the shit I've endured this past week, borderline makes a nigga wanna pick up a Liquor happen. Or even worse a fucking drug habit and I aint talking weed.

Its funny how things are turning out, like extremely funny to the point where suicidal thoughts plague one's mind. Today, well more so this entire weekend and then some has been eye opening. Due to the fact I am becoming more of a loner, and realizing the fact is I do not trust a lot of people. Lol I say that as if I'm not aware of that or have not mentioned it before, seriously though I've been running to music in general just for temporary relief of the fucked up life. Then on top of that the retard who is like a father figure said some stupid things that like deadass ruffled my feathers, I mean we all know me & Ajene are no longer together let alone on talking terms. From her perspective...I wish it could change, not to mention I'll have to see her before this sunday to attempt to get my clothes I guess. I still haven't found anywhere to put my things when and if I do go get them, but that's another headache I'll have to worry about soon. Back to what I was saying originally, My godfather I love that man til the death of me as well as my godmother. Though they do say alot of fucked up shit, I still pay them no mind. Except for when it comes to bashing someone I more than loved, let alone still miss. I understand that parents try to uplift you and help you move forward from whatever the issue may be with their own child, but it is certain shit that should not be said. I like deadass got pissed, Honestly I dont know why I got pissed. Then again I do, for multiple reasons to be honest. I'll get into those before the blog is over with, go without saying I'm still aware of that I am still attached to her. So its a rock and a hard place, Its hard to deal with but hey fuck it I've been known to carry the world on my shoulders before but this time I'm doing it with out the lady who would take me away from it. I was looking at her blog not too long ago and seen one thing particular that like honestly set me aflame, like we had hit ends about this because she swore up and down she was not my everything or should not have been my everything. To quote things can always lead to negativity before positivity, but hey fuck it. I still believe the words left on the blog, why? I guess my views on love, loyalty & commitment are still what they used to be.
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Anywhom the following:
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Monday, July 20, 2009
I want to be...
I want to be everything you could ever want or need...
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I want to be your lady
I want to be your friend
I want to be your confidant
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I want to be the one that makes you smile
I want to be the one you go to when times are dark
I want to be the one you think of before you sleep
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I want to be the one you miss
I want to be the one your heart yearns for
I want to be the thought that gets you through the day
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I want to be the sun in your sky...
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I want to be your everything. I want to love you and I want you to love me back. I want to be the reason you'll never have to look to the past. I want us to build and grow into something beautiful...
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I want to be your everything...


Now with me posting this I'm pretty sure, no one will see this and someone...Whoever the fuck that Jackie Blue person she mentioned to me, probably see's every blog I post for some odd reason I really know not of who you are even though it is only 4 people (Including myself who can see my blog). I just want her to read and tell me what comes to mind, could it be revitalized. That heart still beats, in my world atleast. Maybe in your world it is dead and gone, maybe its in suspended state of animation hell who knows outside of you right?
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There is nothing more I want right now besides to just fall on my ass in the grass or dirt somewhere, and let it all out...tears fears. Everything all while you could be watching from a distance thinking to yourself telling me it'll be ok, I'll settle for that. Hell I wish you the best and happiest and I believe that this is why I feel the way I do. I will say this, like I told my fucking godparents. I refuse to let anyone talk about you rather its indirectly, or in a negative manner I'm not having it. I refuse to and that goes far outside of the things you've done and or shit I could've done to make things better. Hell if i had a chance to I would, I been saying that but it goes unheard. Though that's I have shit to go through this morning and I could not sleep to save my life, and had you on the mind yo. I'm off, until the next blog. I love you....even if the feeling and thrilling is gone....





"That's Why I Envy Omar
Because So Far, I'm Nowhere Close To Malik and Deja

And that's Some Higher Learning
Trying Ta Excel With The Brake On
I'll Have You Stuck In The Same Spot
With The Tires Burnin" - Drake
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My Like & Love Wont Go.....