What Would It Take?

If you are reading this Love, I just want you to know this was not the original things I wanted to say and or try to articulate. I've been sitting here for hours thinking of what to do or what to say, still drew blanks...hell I am drawing blanks as I type this. If only I knew the words to say or the things to do, just to have you for atleast a small window of time. Just to try and see what would it take to make you believe, or be on the path to making you believe. I cannot stress the fact of the matter is that I miss you, honestly sitting here typing this is painful enough as missed moment. Cherished moments now cherished memories that will not go away, I am still beyond of afraid to tell you what is on my heart. I asked you if you understood my hesitation, you said you did but I believe you have a idea. Maybe you do, And I just like to lead myself on to think that you dont, I still want to spill all to you as if you were still mines. I say again I am saving all of me just for you rather you care or not, Hell I really wanted us to make the year mark just to say we made it. I honestly we should've and still could make it longer, if given the chance for me to make a huge turn around. I still kick back even when I cannot afford time to do so, and try to think of a way I can get you back. Nothing's changed about me besides the few things that you hated about me, Why have they changed? just because you wanted them to. Yet you would not know that, I want you to take notice. I'm beyond tired of walking around defeated, I'm not ready to give up this fight for little of you I hold on to, If there is anything of you left for me to hold on for. I'm borderline about to fall into whatever lays beneath me, I just want for you to either show up and tell me you love me or help me get back to you. Its gotten to a point so bad where everytime I open my mouth 9 times out of 10, your the topic of conversation always. Shit Ty knows this, E knows this...Yet you do not know let alone probably care> Even though I want you to, whats even worse I miss you more than I've missed anyone, anything, I stay thinking about you every second, minute, hour,day,week, hell its been over a month now so I can add that too. Though I ask again...What would it take? I wish I could continue to further this blog into details of whats bothering me like seriously, Shit I would say it is bound to broke me. Truthfully it has broken me...I never felt this low before, If I make it out of this with you by my side. Trust & believe I'll make it perfect for the both of us....Though one thing that always stays on my mind outside of our many conversation's, in particular is the one from the day we were @ the star. When we went to see paranormal activity, that conversation is what keeps me moving or fighting through whatever bullshit there is. Just to get you back...Or get back to us. You were and will always be the one I want, rather its a person to confide in or cry with. Even if you could give me the cold shoulder, I'd still want you and still would want to be around you or by your side....What would it take? For you to have faith in me? To take me serious? To let me be who I once was. As much as you were my everything, you still are. Yet why cant I go back to being something close to your everything? I want to go into the personal details of everything I've just asked but thats only for us to know, and the world not to know...Right?