Fell Right Out The Sky....

^
^
^
^
Yes! You've read it here first, for what reason could I be? I mean you see the blog roll over there.~~~~~~~> Feel free to click it, I mean it could possibly give you a clue to as in why I am paranoid or beyond angry. Its too much going on in, with very little space open of my "Window of opportunity". I am constantly losing outlets of stress and anger fast, I never really ran from taking my losses. I more so spend time acknowledging my losses, Not to mention I'm still trying to figure out who I talk to outside of my own brothers. I mean we're still tighter than ever, which is always a given. Minus the fact its that time of the year where we hit our annual slump as far as the "Luck of the draw" goes, I've just taken it a tad more personal and harder than before honestly. Not only because of how I repeatedly keep playing over the month of December in my mind, now I'm playing January over & over again as if this was a terrible highlight reel. Not to mention the one thing or person I continue to scream and yell about does not want anything to do with me, Maybe she does but I might just say that she does not. I heard from her bff recently and I aint one to throw things out there but atleast I had some bit of sanity from the words she threw my way, outside of that the woman who caused this break up got what she want and is living the high life off of my own misery. Its true what they say misery does love company until its time to move on, I just want the relationship back between me and Azidula. It does not even have to revolve around being with her, I just want the ability to continue to confide in her. Even if she does not want to listen and or shoots me down like previous times, But I see that obviously cant happen for whatever reason she would like to give. I do not know rather I'm taking this harder than i was suppose to, but you have not painted a clear picture for anything besides something that could reach negativity. I refuse to give it up for whatever reason none the less, but that is another blog for another day.
^
^
^
^
Outside of that I've been wanting to spill it all to Ty, but he has his own issues we're trying to work on. Honestly I hate to expose so much of my hurting side to my own brother(S), given it is not a bad thing I just do not want them to see what it is I go through even though we're there every step of the fucking way. Not to mention E is on some other shit as of lately, I'm not gonna go off in to dire detail about that. Chris....Well we all know we rarely ever talk let alone hang out anymore, I'm happy about that...Why? because when bro bro is ready to step into our world then we'll be here if not, fuck it. Umm outside of that as far as the "Brittany-Rick" thing goes, I do not speak to her anymore for the time being. Its no love lost at all, just simply trust which has walked completely out of the door. Its sad to say I do not normally lose faith in people, but after how that bullshit played out between us. I do not think I'll ever trust her ever again, It sounds bitch made...Maybe it do maybe it does not. Though I am the only one who will have to deal with it no one else, So let that be known and understood. No matter who or what, I just want to know someone or something will hear or see what I have to say. On to other things of topic, I've been trying to get everything back in order but it honestly seems like everything that had somewhat of a foundation has cracked and caved in. Why? Hell if I know, I just want it to stop this "Domino Effect" is one of the worst feelings in the world. I want it to stop, but the more I try to make it stop. The faster shit goes haywire on me, I never felt this in a while especially after investing more than heart and everything else behind it. I do not ever want to feel this feeling again, alot of things are going unsaid and unfinished. I as I type this I'm feeling like I'm confusing myself so if I have confused you just bare with me, and see if we can complete this portrait of verbal colors.
^
^
^
^
I honestly do not know what to say, I mean I spend enough time away from what kept my sanity, and yet we fell short of a year and made alot of progress in that lil time. Sky still being the limit, and to be thinking ahead of time. I hope she even tells me happy birthday (March 10th for those that do not know), Hell I know I'll tell her happy bday given its 4 days before my little sister's birthday. I'm just thinking ahead of future, Back to my thoughts though. I really havent even made a pass at another woman since that whole episode, due to the "Rejection factor" which I've always been aware of. Though, I do not want to start over unlike some who already have. Last thing I typed someone is bound to take that as "Shots fired" when its not, but oh well if so it is what gotta be. I forgot my blog is special invite only, and I doubt the one who I want to read my blog does not even read my blog anymore.
^
^
^
^
Outside of that I'm really uncomfy being a house jumper yet again, I mean honestly not having a stable home was something I've been accustomed to. Which I shouldnt be but hey it is what it gotta be, Once it stops I'll be ever so content. Then again I wouldnt, I'm beginning to believe that whole "Dont get too comfortable" shit. Funny aint it? Especially when you were and still is all about that person, even if they've moved on and forgotten about you. I do not want to be forgotten but then again it seems like that is all that happens when shit is over, and as far as friendships go..Their becoming obsolete, Like deadass obsolete. Outside of my brothers the only friendship or relationship I truly wanted more than anything was yours, I should not even have to spill out the name again. Then again Pictures of us from a previous recent blog are up, so thats that. I still want that picture of us from Friday's but i doubt that you have it and eventually I'll be to get my stuff and probably throw the shit away, even though i need it but do not have anywhere to put it. So moving on, I just want it all to go away like I probably said earlier in the blog I'd want the relationship fuck having to see you. I mean every night before I lay my head down I think about numerous things ranging from death to jail and you, seeing as I cant call you whenever or however just does not sit well with me.Then again its never about what I wanted. though about what you wanted right? well that is all for this blog. Remember, Falling out the sky does not mean you will land on your back, just hit the ground running.