is about lives of like 6-8 drug addicts, as they chase their high, the world that they chose to live in only seems better. When the world they chose to live in gets worse, the mother takes pills, the child shoots up and snorts and smoke, adn everyone plays an important role. The whole plot of this post was...What happens when the world you chose to live in becomes better? When the better just does not stop? (answer here _____________).For me life is no longer at that point, I am striving to obtain the type of life and woman (Ajene) which I & whats left of my Familia Royale have no worse. Just all positivity, so with that said I am to try doing kind of sort of big things. Hopefully it happens, but first I am chasing a woman in which seems like a complete pipe dream. For some odd reason I do not want to give up, not to mention the blog I seen from a certain someone I called my "Lil Sista". Has beyond pissed me off and really pushed me further into the protect bubble I do not want to go in to. We'll let those unfold on there own.
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Now my intentions were not to be involved in anymore things that are liable to destroy a supposed "Friendship" or "Sibling Relationship", Yet how can you trust or share things with someone when they turn around and attempt to cut in to you when you spent money on them? I've never nor will I ever be one to complain about money spent on someone else out of the kindness of my own heart, No one had a gun to my head and forced me to do such. So lets analyze the following I've seen and heard from this person's blog:
"Man I was so pissed off the other day like Nigga you suppose to be my bro dude and you sit up and bring this bitch over knowing that this bitch want him, like him, and mite even want to fuck him if he already didn't hit it. Man this some bs....If you don't like what I'm saying O fucking well you know why because that's what you said when you brought that Rat in the house...OK yea she your so called lil sista lolz watz so fucked up i thought i was Ur Lil sista wait didn't i kno you be4 this bitch but i guess that don't matter huh."
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How is it you claim to be pissed of at me because of whom I associate myself with outside of you? It was not like we came in and chilled in the living room and kicked it, and things made a turn for the worse. Far from it, your infidelity's are starting to become your downfall. So before you begin to go off on a streak of "Bitching" or "Nagging" please evaluate the following, Just as well as I claim you as my "Lil sista" and her as my other "Little Sis". You cannot attempt to dictate who I associate myself with, let alone catch a attitude about such. It negates and completely shows how Insecure you are, because I swore in the days I have been around when I've had my money I spent it with or on you as well as Ty and my little man Chicky wing correct? Secondly, I can always have more than one sister. Hence Felicia, Angel...Must the list go on? So you can put aside the simple Infant act on that. Thirdly, this is exactly why I do not talk to much of anyone. The month of December shut many proverbial doors, also showed who's who. I figured you were one of the premier who's who, that I would not have to question about their loyalty. In the midst of me showing love and spending what little money I had that I should not have spent, But you will not know nor pay attention to that.
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Act II:
"Like damn do you even have any RESPECT????DO YOU...NO because if you cared or if i was your so called lil sista why the fuck are you bring the yamp in the house that I'm in knowing i don't like the hoe????And knowing that she don't like me and she want him. I wanted to fuck her up but see me i have RESPECT That's mommy house and she was there so there for i didn't say shit or do shit. This is not only the 1st time but the 2 or 3rd time this happen while i was there and ya'll wonder why i bitch Like damn REALLY LOLZ. Niigas that you call your fam is roofless now wow....like didn't i tell you that, that shit was bold the 1st time like damn."
I continuously have much respect and love for those I call my family, I never cross that line unlike you have in many cases. Yet, I do not judge you or fault you. Instead I come to aid/rescue instead of making things worse than what possibly could have been. Also you not liking her, Honestly has nothing to do with me. Has it been acknowledged you do not like her? Yes, Its been acknowledge and taken into consideration. You fail to understand that I have no "Beef" or issue with you or her, In my dealings with her and you are never to cross. Never have never will, yet your not mental up there enough to understand that. Outside of that, I really did not have to sit down and take the time out to explain myself or this situation. Yet I still did, So why continue to even complain about someone having associate's or family outside of you? There are many lines between Respect and Love, yet you blur them so you no longer no where to separate the two. Yet again I say I do not fault you nor judge you or act indifferent toward you, for example I still said "Hi" or "You can't say hi" yet you attempted to play me to the left. Did I go off and make a blog called "The fake and the real?" No, I took it for what it is and let it be. Worse come worse it is what it gotta be. Remember that, also if I was talking to her at 2 in the A.m. that is my decision. Not yours nor your place to think of telling me who I can or can not speak with at that time of the morning, anyone that knows me and or deals with me including you of all people. Should be aware I am able to talk if you need me or feel the need to have someone to talk so you should not even complain about that, when you've done far worse things. Yet it is not my place nor my objective to subject you to such scrutiny your dig? In The rest of the times to come, I'll Just give it the Kanye Shrug....
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Now outside of that, back to business I am surely sorry that I had to get that out of the way. So now I can finish the actual reason of this blog, So in recent times I have been selectively extremely quiet, much to the fact I have been acting like (insert emotion here) of many. I wanted take this time out now to be obivious to the fact, when speaking about the time we’ve spent apart. I think I’ll write this like as if I was actually going to mail this to you Ajene,I know that I had/have violated our bond or pact we made. I am far from perfect, and never intend to be. Yet I know that whole issue could be forgiven which is has yet to seeing as how things have turned out, I wish things could turn out differently or I could've did things so much better. From being a better Bestfriend (if I was considered such) also being a better lover, I can explain that issue in person if you were to ever sit down and talk or spend time with me to get this out the way. I feel like a some sort of person saving myself for that one person to come back or give me the time or day (Again), Yet I just want everything to continue where it fell off track and better it to the best of my ability.
Some things got clarified quickly, Or so I thought because of the nature of such clarification, I am not at going to speak on such things VIA Internet blog. So some I am seeing and slowly understanding my questions will go unanswered for good. I am now aware the fact that privacy is a right and a privilege that should be enjoyed and not violated. Perhaps my lack of value for our privacy is what lead me to that ultimate end, I prefer to say pause or break if its okay to say such. Hell my lack of value of my own privacy is the reason I'm blogging now to begin with. Well I fret not, world. Though a sharp decrease in contact with a certain someone and renewed faith in there possibly being a continuation of us will go un-noted, everything I have to say and deem necessary to share will come out in the form of trying to talk to you and you only. Just know I am here for you, rather it is to hear and be heard. I have not had the proper outlet for me to speak, let alone speak to anyone besides Ty and E (Boogie Also!!). Anyone else does not matter I've slowly found little to no trust in a lot of those who I figured surround me, It means nothing at all without you. Maybe you take this as one long plea for wanting you back, It could be then again I might have evolved into whatever you were aiming to get me to do. Who knows? I have not had who found solice in my solstice....
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In the midst of this blog I received a call@ 4:04a.m., "Why is your blog special Invite only?" because It is only right that if I want Ajene back. I must take the necessary step or steps in the path of proving to her, I am still and willing to be her and or be hers. Regardless if I get her back in the end rather it is as my Mrs. Ray (Girlfriend, could be wife, ETC). I have to continue you stay away from you, and for you to tell me "Your story does not match her" not only warrants a further conversation. Last I checked you have a new boyfriend, you've won numerous times. rather it was getting in her head and or my actions causing the proverbial melee, I refuse to go back down that road. I know that the end of this is far from over, and will continue to end is dismay. I just hate when it comes to me or questions being asked about me, answers come in the form of anger filled answers. That could be avoided, I just hope my blog reaches Ajene's heart in great spirits and somehow helps me and my struggle to achieve not only my bestfriend back. Also the woman I love, even if it does not get me any closer.
Love. I love you still...and forever.
I'm off back to sleep, now that I have vented and attempted to make one more step to whatever awaits me in the light. Negative or positive...
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